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  • Dear Diary - It has occurred to me today that my dearest human has never sniffed my backside

  • I must bond with him in different ways

  • Like my father always used to say, if you want someone to look you in the eye make sure that your mouth smells exactly like your butt

  • It's difficult to argue with that logic

  • and so I have eaten some rotting earthworms in preparation for my dear human's return, as well as one of his socks.

  • Dear Diary - it's not so much that I miss my testicles, I know it's a right of passage in our pack

  • and I'm sure that my dearest human has had his removed as well

  • but when that one bulldog comes to the dog park and parades his testicles around I can't help but notice how Ginger looks at them

  • I love Ginger.

  • to be fair I will admit he has a fine smelling butthole

  • Dear Diary-- the cat is a curious magical creature

  • It's as if a teddybear mated with a cactus and it's much less fun to play with then it would appear

  • and yet it poops delicious candy into a box of pee flavored sprinkles

  • Dearest human guards these treats jealously, often harvesting them into a barrel, but I will admit that I sneak one from time to time

  • They are delicious, forgive me.

  • Dear Diary-- this is the 733rd day that I have tried to test what cat swore to me was true

  • namely, that if you hump anything long enough you will find a vagina

  • so far the results have been mixed, my dearest human's leg vagina has not revealed itself, however

  • I'm almost certain that I felt something on the brown teddy bear

  • more tests are needed

  • Dear Diary-- I have yet to see my dearest human poop anywhere, I suspect he may not know how

  • I have resolved to teach him when we patrol the neighborhood each day in search of man with hats and beards

  • It is embarrassing to do in public but he must learn somehow, I fear he will die of constipation If don't succeed

  • fortunately my dearest human seems to show some interest and is now collecting my feces in a small bag. Soon.

  • Dear Diary, I must be more careful when licking my genitals

  • my dearest human seems sensitive about it, most likely because he is incapable of licking his own

  • as always I am in awe of his ability to be so noble

  • despite what I can imagine are filthy, filthy genitals. He hides them everyday.

  • Dear Diary, today I have added a fourth circle to my pre-pooping ritual.

  • As before the first circle is to verify that I do in fact need to poop

  • the second is to check for gremlins and men with beards and hats

  • the third is to re-verify my need for pooping, and now the fourth is to honor my newly deceased toy

  • stuffed lama rest in peace, I didn't mean to shake your head off.

  • Dear Diary, I told the cat about how my dearest human has promoted me, teaching me to shake

  • so I can participate in his business dealings

  • however, cat pointed out that I am often unaware of what I am shaking on

  • for example, when I shook the neighbors hand this morning, I have no clue what I agreed to, none.

  • Cat says this is how the devil buys souls, I will pee on the bed for comfort.

  • Dear Diary, my dearest human asked me where the ball was when it was clearly in plain sight

  • I brought it over and he threw it even farther away

  • then asked me where it was and was very happy when I brought it again

  • perhaps a metaphor?

  • Dearest human leaves each day and I am happy when he returns

  • wait, maybe he is the ball and I am dearest human

  • this is too much, I must pee on the bed.

Dear Diary - It has occurred to me today that my dearest human has never sniffed my backside

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B2 dearest diary human pee licking genitals

Sad Dog Diary

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    VoiceTube posted on 2013/06/03
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