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I am not pleased your boyfriend is meeting us for the first time to disrupt this delicate house of cards that is our friendship.
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I'm 80% happy for you and the other 20% is the suppressed jealousy because I'm so alone.
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Oh, I'm so nervous for my boyfriend to meet you two disasters.
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Oh, there's something I read on the internet that I don't quite have all the details for.
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But, if true, I find outrageous!
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Wow...
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Oh, ah, going to meet my boyfriend outside so he's less intimidated.
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[If meeting her friends were honest]
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I am so disappointed that you're late.
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Oh, making up excuses about parking and traffic that aren't true at all.
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Ok, 15 seconds summaries about my friends, and their backgrounds, and words of encouragement because I need to believe them myself...
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Ohh, aggressive intimacy!
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If you impress me, I'll be your biggest asset in this relationship.
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Uh, we have nothing to talk about...
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ummm...
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Internally comparing you to all her ex-boyfriends.
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Oh, uh, politely asking what you do for work, but I'm really checking to see if you're a deadbeat or not.
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Oversimplifying my job to the point of inaccuracy, just so you understand.
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I know people like to talk about themselves.
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Yeah, uh, playing myself up.
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Talking about all the activities I do to distract from the gaping hole that is my life.
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Launching into a detailed explanation of something that nobody...
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Interrupting you because I feel like a mediator and you tend to go on and on...
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Robbie, prodding about something you love 'cause I need you to smile and not look like such an asshole.
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Yeah, if you hurt her, I will kill you.
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Relating that to something I know about Kelsey, so you guys know I listen.
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Ahh, positive things about Kelsey.
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Yeah, she's all we have in common.
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Maneuvering into a conversation about something that I just read on the internet!
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I was just talking about that!
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Well, then I'll try out a potentially offensive joke.
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(Laughing)
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Trying not to be a stick in the mud, but definitely offended.
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I like you better now that I know you're a hater too.
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Okay, defending Chris's joke.
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Trying not to seem too emotionally overworked by politics.
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Ahh, apologizing even though I totally don't mean it.
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Ohh, um, I'd like to get drunk in the morning.
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Joke at Kelsey's expense.
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I mean, joke at Kelsey's expense.
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(Laughing)
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Wondering why I hate y‘all all of a sudden.
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Negative things about Kelsey.
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No, negative things about Kelsey.
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Eh, negative things about Kelsey.
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Trying not to seem outrageous. Glad you guys are all getting along.
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Alcohol.
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Alcohol makes us friends!