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  • So, it's that time of the year again! A time for spookiness!

  • A time for horror! A time for...SCARES!

  • Wait...where's-where's the thing?

  • I thought that--OH SON OF A-

  • See, I was originally gonna put that picture up to scare you guys,

  • but I'm not a jerk, so--

  • (screaming)

  • Alright, maybe a little jerky.

  • Jerky?

  • Hey guys!

  • So it's been made pretty clear to me by some of you guys

  • that I have been neglecting my vlogging for a little bit.

  • A lot of you guys have been saying things like:

  • (in whiny voice) Why do you only do skits now?

  • You only make fake trailers now!

  • First Candy Crush: The Trailer, then Naruto: The Trailer

  • and now Aquaman: The Trailer?

  • Bring back the Off The Pill videos!

  • I miss the vlogging days.

  • I don't know why you guys all sound the same and sound like Regina.

  • First of all, I don't just make trailers now.

  • That's like three videos out of the whole year!

  • But being that I post about three videos a year,

  • yeah, I guess you're right.

  • Second of all, what's wrong with trailers?

  • Trailers are fun! They're fast, they're quick, they're nice

  • and-and mixed up with a bunch of shots--

  • Yeah, okay, I haven't vlogged in a while. And that's why I'm here!

  • Back to the subject!

  • So it is that time of the year again.

  • The scariest month of the year: October.

  • And, for whatever reason, someone thought it'd be a good idea

  • to make this month all about celebrating fear.

  • Well, growing up I actually hated October.

  • Because all they would show on TV, and all the new movies were always horrors.

  • And it's a little embarrassing, but when I was younger,

  • I used to be the biggest chicken.

  • (clucking)

  • (mooing)

  • And, also, I used to really hate horror movies.

  • I honestly couldn't watch them when I was younger because

  • I was so afraid of them that it would actually affect me in real life.

  • I mean, I used to have to hold my pee in late at night

  • because I was too scared to go to the bathroom by myself.

  • Sometimes I was so afraid that I didn't even brush my teeth

  • 'cause I was afraid that I was gonna see something in the bathroom mirror.

  • And every single time I went to the bathroom, I would always

  • have to check behind the shower curtain to make sure

  • there was no dead bodies laying inside the tub.

  • Come to think of it, anything bathroom related after a scary movie

  • is scary as...fff--F***.

  • When you're as much of a B****, as I was.

  • Sorry, guys, I'm just trying to keep this PG because I know

  • a lot of the people that need these tips aren't used to reading

  • our language and sh*t.

  • Sh*t!

  • Oh, sh*t!

  • (whispers) Don't tell your parents.

  • What was I talking about? Oh yeah!

  • Once I decided that I was sick and tired of being afraid,

  • and letting fear overcome my mind and control my actions

  • and tell me who I can and cannot be...

  • I created the following tips that would not only help you get over that fear,

  • but to help you enjoy it! To cause it!

  • To teach it to people like you!

  • (evil chuckle)

  • HA HA HA HA--

  • (hacking)

  • I got sick from the Aquaman video last week.

  • Don't swim at night.

  • So the main way I got over my fear of horror movies

  • is by bringing them into perspective.

  • If you think about how easy it really is to survive in a horror movie,

  • you'll find it pretty easy to survive watching one.

  • These are some of the tips I would tell you if you were in a horror movie.

  • (floorboards creak)

  • First tip: Don't be an idiot.

  • Use common sense! Never go towards the sound.

  • The number one thing that pisses me off in horror movies

  • is that why are all the characters stupid?

  • If you're running away from a ghost or a killer and you hear something

  • in the other room, why the hell would you go check it out?!

  • When you hear something freaky, stay away from it! That's common sense.

  • Next tip: Have basic coordination and cardio.

  • Why is it that when there's something chasing you,

  • you guys always seem to fall down?

  • I mean, honestly, how often do you really fall down when you run?

  • Seriously, how hard is it to keep running when a killer's chasing after you?

  • If you have normal coordination, you should be able to outrun a killer.

  • I mean, most of the time the killer's at a huge disadvantage.

  • For example, take the Chainsaw Massacre guy.

  • The guy is dressed in a suit-- that's already hard to run in,

  • let alone the fact that he has to wear a mask, which limits his vision.

  • He should be the one that's tripping--not you!

  • And the fact that he has to carry a chainsaw!

  • Do you know how heavy a chainsaw is?!

  • Me neither--but it's probably a lot heavier than not carrying anything,

  • which is what you should be carrying!

  • Nothing, that is.

  • I mean, if you can't outrun that guy, honestly,

  • you deserve whatever he has coming to you.

  • (screaming)

  • Oh no! (screaming)

  • Uh, did you really need me for this?

  • I ain't tryin' to get no splinters!

  • This next one might sound a little messed up,

  • but if you're in a horror movie, it's always good to have a clumsy, dumb friend.

  • See, this is the guy or girl that's gonna trip when you're running away.

  • I mean, it's not that bad. Think of it as an honorable sacrifice.

  • Don't ever film yourself sleeping.

  • If you really think your house is haunted, either you ignore it or get out!

  • Because, really, if you film yourself sleeping, you only have two options:

  • Either you're gonna see something that'll scare you even more--

  • or you're gonna have hours of boring ass footage to watch.

  • And, honestly, I don't know what's worse.

  • Basements and attics should always be off limits.

  • For some reason, every single bad thing starts off in an attic or a basement.

  • Am I the only one that never had a basement or attic in my house?

  • I've lived in four different houses now and I've never had a basement or an attic.

  • I feel like I'm missing out on something.

  • If you're hiding from the bad guy, always keep your cell phone on silent.

  • Cell phones always ring at the absolute worst time.

  • When you're taking a test, during a movie, at church,

  • hiding from a serial killer-- Yeah, Tony the Tiger.

  • Come on, it's basic hide-and-seek etiquette.

  • Never open mirror cabinets.

  • Once you open a mirror cabinet, the moment you close it

  • there's gonna be somebody behind it.

  • And if not, the moment you turn after that there's gonna be someone there too.

  • Go on the offensive.

  • This may not apply for all Horror movie antagonists.

  • These are more for the possessed dolls and ghosts and whatnot.

  • All these killers or ghosts or whatever are used to people running

  • away from them and hiding.

  • The last thing they would expect is for you to attack back.

  • Some of the most scary Horror villains are actually the least intimidating

  • if you really think about it.

  • For example, the girl from The Ring.

  • If a little creepy girl were to crawl out of your TV and try to kill you--

  • Yes, she's creepy, but she's a little girl!

  • Kick her ass!

  • Or say you have a little possessed doll named Chucky

  • chasing after you and your family.

  • Just have somebody hold him down and punt that sh*t!

  • And if you somehow do manage to get them down, just remember:

  • Finish the job!

  • Don't ever walk over to what you think is the dead body.

  • Why do you have to check anyway? They're never dead the first time.

  • Do not own a record player.

  • Seriously, it's 2013.

  • You should not--no one should have a record player anymore.

  • Unless you want to hear it turn on by itself or maybe change track at one time

  • or just start spinning backwards and start reversing everything

  • and have some demonic voice come out--

  • (singing) Tip toe by the window! By the window!

  • That is where I'll be...

  • Never look into a small peephole or a small crack or a little space

  • 'cause chances are-- I'm not even exaggerating--

  • you're gonna see another eyeball.

  • Never lean on a door to listen for the killer.

  • The killer knows exactly where you are at all times!

  • He has [inaudible]! And because physics do not apply

  • in Horror movies, he's gonna stab you right through that door.

  • If you're gonna be a hider, do not hide under the bed.

  • In Horror movies, hiding under the bed is not hiding.

  • You're gonna get dragged by a clown or a killer or something

  • because that's your own fault. That's the first place I would look.

  • If there's signs telling you to GTFO...

  • GTFO.

  • For example, if you walk into a room and there's one single light source

  • hanging from a ceiling, you should probably GTFO.

  • If you walk into a room and any of the lights are flickering,

  • you should probably GTFO.

  • If you get a new house for a really good deal

  • and all the other neighbors are scared of you, GTFO!

  • If you see someone in a reflection of a window or a mirror

  • that's not supposed to be there...

  • If you hear that the previous owner was murdered in your house...

  • If you ever see anyone that's in your house that's NOT supposed

  • to be in your house...

  • If you have a kid that knows how to astral project...

  • If you have no cell phone service...

  • If it's always storming....

  • If there's a sign that says BEWARE...

  • If there's a sign that says KEEP OUT...

  • and if there's literally a sign that says GTFO...

  • Get it, because I would like to have that sign. That's really cool.

  • And last, and probably the most important tip:

  • Don't do anything that a PSA would tell you not to do.

  • You know, like drugs, sex and violence.

  • Do not do drugs.

  • Don't be the Stoner Guy. He's guaranteed to die.

  • Abstinence.

  • If you're having sex, most often in a car for some reason,

  • you're gonna die.

  • And do not be a violent person.

  • The killer will out-violent you. 'Cause the more violent you are,

  • the more violent your death is gonna be.

  • Come to think of it, Horror movies actually have really good morals.

  • I mean, if people really wanna stop kids from doing drugs,

  • sex and violence, they should start showing these movies in classes.

  • I mean, that's more persuasive than Sex-Ed and Drug-Ed

  • and Violin-Ted.

  • (scary violin music)

  • Anyway, that's pretty much all the tips I could think

  • of off the top of my head.

  • I'm sure I missed a lot of horror movie survival tips.

  • Feel free to leave them in the comments below if you have a better one.

  • But thank you guys so much for watching. I know I haven't vlogged in a while.

  • And for all the new subscribers, I know you guys aren't used

  • to this sort of me, so let me know if you like this style of video

  • or if you absolutely hated it.

  • I'll have another video up before Halloween,

  • but just in case it's not a vlog and I don't get the chance to say it,

  • just remember: I hope you guys have a very happy Halloween.

  • Be safe and just remember...

  • When the night is young and fear runs deep...

  • those who fear will find the creep!

  • So check your bathrooms and check your beds

  • - and check all the--CHECK ALL THE-- - (scary music drowns out Ryan's voice)

  • CHECK ALL--Ted!

  • Can you stop playing that violin so loud?! I'm trying to vlog here.

  • But this isn't a violin. This is an ukulele.

  • (scary violin music)

  • (panting)

  • Whew, sorry guys. It's--

  • This is a weird video, but it's been a while since I've vlogged

  • freestyle like this before, so give me some time.

  • I'll get back to the normal stuff.

  • But not right now.

  • (scary violin music)

  • Yeah, this video's a trailer too--TEE HEE!

So, it's that time of the year again! A time for spookiness!

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How To Survive A Horror Movie!

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    韓澐 posted on 2016/11/07
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