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  • (bass guitar riff)

  • South Korea is experiencing a golden age

  • of rapid progress and economic growth.

  • In just 25 years, the previous war-torn country

  • has risen to become the world's twelfth largest economy.

  • The birthplace of Samsung

  • is also one of the world's most internet-savvy nations.

  • Social media is such an important part of Korean culture

  • that they even have their own messaging service,

  • where Koreans send over 55 billion text messages a day.

  • (audience cheers)

  • If I was going to connect with the Korean people

  • I would need learn their language.

  • (audience laughs)

  • This is Kim Shield, am I saying your name correctly?

  • Jin-sil.

  • Jim Shield.

  • Jin

  • Gin Shield.

  • Jin-sil.

  • Gin Shield.

  • Yeah, not the, so--

  • What?

  • Jin-sil.

  • Chin Cheel

  • Not the "ch" sound.

  • Jin-sil.

  • Yes, that's perfect.

  • I've asked you to teach me Korean.

  • And in an hour, all I've learned is how to say your name.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Jin-sil.

  • (audience giggles)

  • I'd like to learn the culture.

  • What is the correct way to behave?

  • Do I make eye contact?

  • Or do I avert my eyes at women?

  • Just eye contact, but not

  • like that.

  • (audience laughs)

  • A little bit scary.

  • Scary, what I'm doing now is scary.

  • So, you're saying, look at people in the eye,

  • but not too closely.

  • You tell me when I'm too close.

  • (audience laughs)

  • I'm gonna start moving towards you,

  • and you say when it's too--

  • Okay, that's enough. (audience cheers and claps)

  • That's good.

  • Should my expression be happy?

  • Yeah, yes.

  • But not, weird smile.

  • Not weird?

  • Yeah, like--

  • What am I doing that's weird?

  • Okay, naturally.

  • Naturally.

  • This is my natural smile.

  • (audience laughs)

  • What do you think?

  • (disapproving hum)

  • How do I say, "Hello"?

  • Annyeong haseyo.

  • Annyeong haseyo.

  • Annyeong haseyo.

  • Annyeong haseyo. (audience laughs)

  • Too much, too close, and too big a smile, okay.

  • Eolmayeyo?

  • Eolmayeyo, means "How much?"

  • Yep, eolmayeyo

  • If walk up to a woman and say, "How much?"

  • (audience laughs)

  • I get slapped in my country.

  • Okay.

  • Joh-a.

  • Joh-a.

  • Good! I like it!

  • Joh-a's good.

  • Yeah, I like it.

  • Heh, Joh-a. (audience laughs)

  • Joh-ayo.

  • Joh-ayo. I like it.

  • That's good.

  • Apa.

  • It hurt.

  • Yeah.

  • [Both] Apa.

  • It hurt.

  • (audience giggles)

  • What are you thinking?

  • I'm not, why do you think I'm thinking anything bad?

  • Your thinking is deoleowo.

  • Dog-rah-wah, is what?

  • Dirty, my thinking is dirty.

  • Yeah.

  • I'm repressed. (audience laughs)

  • Repression?

  • Do you know what repression is?

  • It's when Irish Catholics in America

  • stuff down their sexual yearnings. (audience laughs)

  • Deoleowo.

  • It's pushed down.

  • That's deoleowo.

  • Deoleowo.

  • Yeah, deoleowo.

  • It's pushed down, and then it comes out in strange,

  • sometimes unappealing ways.

  • Deoleowo, your hand's deoleowo. (audience laughs)

  • Stop moving like deoleowo.

  • They're dirty right now, my hands?

  • Yeah, that's deoleowo.

  • Uh, stop it! (audience laughs)

  • Okay, hey, hey, whoa, sorry, that was me!

  • Saranghae.

  • Love you.

  • Saranghae.

  • Saranghae.

  • Ah, yes, okay.

  • Just say saranghae.

  • Not saranghae. (audience laughs)

  • Just saranghae, please?

  • Okay, saranghae, love you.

  • Saranghae.

  • (romantic music)

  • Saranghae. (audience laughs)

  • Saranghae. (audience laughs)

  • (music stops abruptly)

  • (shivers)

  • (audience laughs and claps)

  • What is this?

  • This is my stick--

  • Your stick?

  • for students.

  • May I show this?

  • This is the stick that you use for students?

  • I'm using this for love.

  • You're using this for love.

  • For my students.

  • You've got a love stick. (audience laughs)

  • No.

  • And I'm the dirty guy.

  • You use this to--

  • Yeah.

  • Actually, you don't hit people, do you?

  • I sometimes.

  • Are you going to do that with me?

  • Oh.

  • Punch me with that stick.

  • No, I, like this.

  • Why do you like it? (audience laughs and claps)

  • Stop it!

  • Stop liking it?

  • No, no, stop.

  • Okay.

  • You don't understand

  • my entire fantasy is a stern woman.

  • I don't like you! (audience laughs and claps)

  • Listen, no please, just don't jump to that.

  • You are a stern school mistress

  • who is unhappy and punishing me

  • and I'm being hurt with your love stick.

  • This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

  • Oh my God!

  • What are you talking about?

  • You're weird!

  • I'm not weird!

  • Well, I'm weird.

  • Yes, you are weird.

  • Didn't you look me up on the internet before I cam here?

  • I'm famous for being weird.

  • I'm a Grade A creep.

  • Stop smiling and stop just--

  • Stop smiling--

  • Like moving your fingers like that.

  • What are you talking about?

  • Oh my God!

  • Don't move my fingers, don't smile.

  • Do you want to write your name?

  • In Korean?

  • Yeah, in Korean.

  • Yes, I want to write my name in Korean.

  • Yep, here.

  • Do you, okay, here first.

  • Okay.

  • This is the Korean--

  • Oh look, I thought this was a menu. (audience laughs)

  • I swear to God.

  • This is Conan.

  • This is Conan.

  • That's Conan, right there.

  • Look at that!

  • Conan.

  • Yeah.

  • So, do you know how to write?

  • Do I know how to write? (audience laughs)

  • Without seeing this.

  • No, I--

  • And I will give you three seconds.

  • (audience claps and laughs)

  • What do you mean I have three seconds?

  • (audience laughs)

  • How's that, and you get all this in?

  • No, you're terrible--

  • Punish, punish both hands--

  • Oh my God, you're just being on purpose.

  • Do it, I must be punished.

  • Ah yes, and this one, too.

  • Oh my God!

  • Okay.

  • You know what?

  • Huh, apa, it hurt.

  • Apa, oh!

  • But I liked it, yeah.

  • How do we say, "it hurt but in a good way"?

  • (audience laughs)

  • This is me?

  • This actually looks a lot like me.

  • This is me, and I do wear little boys underwear.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Okay, what's this?

  • What?

  • Uh, that's called meori.

  • Meori.

  • This area?

  • Okay, chest.

  • Okay?

  • Is called gaseum.

  • A nipple is--

  • Jeojkkogji, okay.

  • You just point to it.

  • With your stick. (audience laughs)

  • Should I touch it?

  • Can you just skip?

  • Please, I need to know.

  • Why do you?

  • I'm trying to learn.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Oh my God, just stop it!

  • Stop it!

  • Doing that more is not going to make me stop.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Where is your eongdeong-i? (audience laughs)

  • Where is your eongdeong-i?

  • I don't think nobody can teach you.

  • Do don't think anyone can teach me?

  • Yeah.

  • Because you twist it.

  • You think I'm twisted.

  • You change to dirty things.

  • I think I took your lead, I took your,

  • you put out a message.

  • I heard you with my, what are these called again?

  • Say it?

  • Gwi.

  • Gwi, very good. (audience laughs)

  • It's more like gwi.

  • Can we be friends?

  • Okay.

  • Is that possible?

  • Yeah.

  • How do I say, "Hello, friend"?

  • Annyeong chingu.

  • Annyeong chingu.

  • Annyeong chingu. (romantic music)

  • (audience laughs)

  • (music stops abruptly)

(bass guitar riff)

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