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  • (slow, melancholy music)

  • - I don't understand why people don't talk about it.

  • I'm not ashamed that my daughter chose that way to not be here.

  • I'm grief stricken that she's not with me.

  • - I'd left my phone in my room and I had 45 missed calls,

  • and I felt powerless.

  • - It was so shocking,

  • and so unbelievable,

  • but also before I'd even taken the call,

  • my phone lit up and knew what the call was about.

  • - I woke up the next morning at two.

  • Two policemen banging on my bedroom window.

  • So, I let them inside and they sat me down,

  • and they told me that my sister had been found.

  • - I wanted to double check everything.

  • That the right name came up.

  • - The police sergeant started talking to me.

  • And as soon as he started talking to me, it was just like my heart had ripped in two.

  • - It wasn't until quite a bit of time afterwards that the dust began to settle

  • and you kind of realize what's happened.

  • - Physical feeling of going, "Not, no. That's my daughter. My daughter is gone."

  • - I got to a point on Jared's birthday,

  • where I was worried about myself.

  • - I felt like going to join her.

  • - All the firsts, the first birthday, the first New Years,

  • the first Christmas,

  • it all just hits you when you least expect it.

  • - My heart's never felt the same.

  • It was a physical feeling,

  • of having a part of me taken away.

  • - I developed agoraphobia.

  • I developed severe anxiety, and general anxiety disorder.

  • I developed depression worse than I ever have in my entire life.

  • - It comes and goes in waves of feeling from sadness to, yeah just, of course, missing her.

  • - If you can just imagine one night or you stayed up crying,

  • or crying yourself to sleep over someone that's broken your heart.

  • Every single time that's happened, all at once.

  • And the feeling's never really gone away.

  • - It broke my heart.

  • - I think the biggest thing that I've taken from this experience is this sort of fragility of, of life.

  • Particularly when it comes to mental health,

  • and not having services around you.

  • - That mental health is not a weakness.

  • - People to this day, are still sweeping this under the rug.

  • People are still not talking about it.

  • People are still pretending it's not happening.

  • - There's nothing wrong about speaking out.

  • There's nothing wrong with having a cry.

  • There's nothing wrong with having a hug.

  • And it's, not wait to speak.

  • - So, I think dialogue is the key.

  • I think conversation is the key.

  • I think asking your friends if they're okay,

  • and then listening is the key.

  • - It's really made me realize how important it is to reach out to any loved ones,

  • to talk about things more, express feelings,

  • and just be there for each other.

  • - My entire baseline of who I am has changed.

  • She was my only sibling, so she was my best friend for 20-odd years.

  • I feel like I'm not the same person as I was, and I think a lot of people expect you to kind of bounce back to become the same person, but I'm never gonna be them again.

  • My whole experience of life has changed.

  • - I don't think it's ever going be normal for me.

  • - And if this reaches just one person

  • who was just like me,

  • I just want them to know that they're not alone.

  • - You're not thinking about what you leave behind,

  • but the aftermath just goes on forever.

  • - Look after yourselves, look after each other,

  • and life's really short.

  • Just enjoy it.

  • (slow, melancholy music)

(slow, melancholy music)

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A2 BEG US melancholy daughter developed mental health felt anxiety

What It’s Like To Lose Someone To Suicide

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    蔡福財 posted on 2016/08/14
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