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ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR JAMES, THE THE RAPIN A SASIN
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CORDEN!
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
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>> James: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
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ALL RIGHT.
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AND THE EMCEE WHOSE TV ROYALTY, DAVID SCHWIMMER-- DPSH AND THE
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M.C. WHO IS TV ROYALTY, DAVID SCHWIMMER!
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ALL RIGHT, JAMES, AS HOST, YOU
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WILL GO FIRST.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
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>> James: YOU SURE YOU'RE READY FOR THIS, SCHWIMMER?
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>> OH YEAH.
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>> James: JUST REMEMBER, YOU WANTED THIS.
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ALL RIGHT, JOSH, GIVE ME A BEELT.
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-- BEETD.
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MILLENIALS, LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU THIS GUY.
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HIS NAME IS DAVID.
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HE WAS FAMOUS IN '95.
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CAUSE THAT'S WHEN HE WAS ON TV THEN, NOW IT'S 2016 AND HE HAS
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NO FRIENDS.
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GET IT, NO FRIENDS, NOT FAMOUS EVER AGAIN.
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HE WAS A KARDASHIAN ON TV BUT THAT WAS ONLY FOR PRETEND.
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YOU PLAYED ROBERT, THAT WAS A GREAT COMBO.
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WERE YOU SO WHITE YOU SHOULDA PROBABLY PLAYED THE BRONCO.
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WHAT I'M SAYING IS THIS BATTLES A BLOCKBUSTER SO I'M SAD YOU I
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KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SPIT SOMETHING LACK LUSTER, BUT NOW YOU GET THE
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CHANCE TO PROVE YOU GOT BALLS, WHILE I IGNORE YOU LIKE JENNIFER
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ANISTON DOES YOUR CALLS.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Z .
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>> A BRIT IN AMERICA'S YOUR ONE CLAIM TO FAME, WE ALL KNOW AS AN
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ACTOR YOUR ROLES WERE ALL THE SAME.
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THE HEAVY BEST FRIEND, THE HUMOROUS SIDE KICK WITH A BELLY
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SO BIG YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR OWN-- DIKEN, THE AUTHOR WE ALL
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RED AS KIDS, HE'S BRITISH LIKE YOU, BUT PEOPLE KNOW WHO HE.
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IS YOU MUST BE A MASOCHIST, YOU WANT TO BATTLE ME.
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THIS WON'T END WELL, MATE, IT'S NOT LOVE, ACTUALLY.
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TO BE CLEAR, I LOVE THE ENGLISH, I MARRIED YOUR KIND, BUT WHY
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YOUR WIFE CHOSE YOU, MY BAD, SHE BLIND?
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IS SHE BLIND?
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RAP WAS BORN IN THIS COUNTRY, YOU ARE A TOURIST HERE, DO US A
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FAVOR, JAMES, JUST CHANGE YOUR CAREER.
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>> James: OH, COME ON, DAVID SCHWIMMER, HOW ARE YOU SUCH A
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LOSER WHEN YOUR NAME RHYMES WITH WINNER?
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YOU'RE SO NOTE WITH EVERY ROLE THAT YOU PLAY.
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I'M LIKE HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW ROSS FROM FRIENDS NEW O.J.
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I'M A FAST CAR, QUICKLY PASSING NEW NASCAR.
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I'M AN ANIMAL, YOU JUST VOICED ONE IN MAD GAS CAR, OH, HE'S
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SURPRISED, DIDN'T KNOW THAT I COULD SAY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
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NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY?
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AND ONE LAST THING, YOU'RE NOT A TRUE M.C.
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I [BLEEP] DESTROYED YOU, THIS IS MUST SEE TV.
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I'M SORRY THIS BATTLE LEFT YOU SO BLUE, BUT UNLIKE THIS CROWD,
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I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> DESTROY ME?
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PLEASE, YOUR RHYMES TOTALLY BLEW.
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I WORKED WITH A MONKEY HAD MORE SKILLS THAN YOU.
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I'M NOT WORRIED, NO ONE HEARD A WORD THAT YOU SAID.
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THE ONLY PEOPLE WATCH YOUR SHOW ARE ASLEEP OR DEAD.
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YOU'RE LATE NIGHT ON PRIME TIME, YOU'RE QUOLA I'M FINE WINE.
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GO HOME, YOU'RE DONE, THIS BATTLE IS MINE.
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DID YOU THINK I WOULD BE SCARED WALK AROUND GINGERLY?
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WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR MIDDLE NAME'S KIMBERLY?
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I'M TALL AND LEAN, YOU'RE SHORT
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AND STOUT, THEY KNOW ME IN JAPAN, THEY KNOW YOU AT IN N
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OUT, YOU BARYM RASS YOUR COUNTRY, THIS WAS EASY FOR ME,
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BITCH, LAY DOWN THE MIC, AND GO MAKE ME SOME TEA.
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ONE CREAM, ONE SUGAR.
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>> Reggie: SO WHO IS YOUR WINNER?
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OH WAIT A MINUTE.
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WE HAVE A NEW CONTENDER.
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME REBEL WILSON!
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> ALL RIGHT, STOP, ENOUGH OF
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THIS CLAPPING.
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WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANTA HEAR TWO WHITE MEN RAPPING.
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I'M THE REBEL M.C., I'M CLAK A LACKIN, I COME PACKING BOOBS,
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SHOW YOU DUDES WHAT YOU'RE LACKING, DAVID YOUR CAREER SAY
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HUGE MISTAKE.
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IT'S LIKE ROSS AND RACHEL, IT'S ON A BREAK.
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ALL JOKE AS SIDE, MAN, I THINK YOU'RE GREAT.
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I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN, WHEN I WAS 8.
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CARPOOL KARAOKE, YOU THINK IT'S YOUR BIG THING, BUT EVERYONE IS
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THINKING SHUT UP AND LET ADELE SING.
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YOU SPEAK ENGLISH BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN RAP, YOUR RHYMES ARE
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NONEXISTENT LIKE MY INNER THIGH GAP.
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DON'T BATTLE ME, CUZ YOU KNOW IT'S NOT WORTH IT, EVERYBODY
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KNOWS MY RHYMES ARE PITCH PERFECT!
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
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>> Reggie: THE WINNER OF DROP THE MIC, REBEL WILSON!
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>> James: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, REBEL WILSON AND
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DAVID SCHWIMMER, COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.