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  • (hip hop instrumental music)

  • (laughing loudly)

  • Kassia.

  • Kassia, have you seen this dog with braces?

  • Oh man, it's all over my feed.

  • Oh no, I try not to look at Facebook.

  • What, why?

  • Do you hate nerdy dogs?

  • No.

  • Facebook and I used to date.

  • Oh, really?

  • Kassia.

  • Oh no.

  • Kassia, do you want to get some food?

  • Facebook, no.

  • We broke up.

  • This is desperate .

  • What do you mean?

  • Where do I start?

  • Okay, here for instance.

  • This year end review.

  • That's nice.

  • It's thoughtless.

  • I don't care about any of this shit.

  • It's just stuff I put up there that got a lot of likes.

  • Okay, and this?

  • You're always showing me pictures

  • of the way things used to be,

  • like you're trying to prove things

  • were so great back when you were still relevant.

  • We had good times.

  • It's manipulative.

  • You are a manipulative person.

  • This.

  • Oh, I get a message from you, you have four unread messages,

  • but first, you have to download this app in order to get it.

  • That sucks.

  • I'm a good boyfriend.

  • I'm always asking youWhat's on your mind?”

  • Big deal.

  • I'll always get you anything you want.

  • You liked WhatsApp, I bought that.

  • You liked Instagram, I bought that.

  • You liked Oculus, I bought that.

  • I never said I liked Oculus.

  • I got you all these new Like buttons.

  • You can also buy this shirt that says

  • You wouldn't understand, it's a Kassia thing.”

  • Okay, you're lame now.

  • You created a holiday, National Friends Day,

  • just so we could hang out.

  • And when I do reach out,

  • all you wanna talk about is politics or Blue Apron.

  • Yeah, due to your history,

  • I thought you would like Blue Apron.

  • That's the real issue.

  • When we do hang out, you just do it now

  • to sell my information to advertisers.

  • You used to be fun

  • and now it's all about the money.

  • Well, money is how I was able to buy you Oculus...

  • I don't give a fuck about Oculus!

  • Okay?

  • Listen, you are a smart computer person, right?

  • And you're probably walkin' through life thinking,

  • "Oh, everybody hates me because I'm a nerd."

  • I wanna tell you from the bottom of my heart,

  • that's not why.

  • They hate you because you sold their data.

  • Plus, I have a new man now.

  • Ready to go, babe?

  • You're dating Apple?

  • I thought you were dating Snapchat?

  • Snapchat wasn't permanent.

  • I like how safe I feel with Apple.

  • Is this guy bothering you?

  • Not anymore.

  • Good.

  • Cause if he ever does, if he tries to see your data

  • or get in your phone, I'll shut him down.

  • Nobody tells me what to do.

  • And one more thing.

  • I'm not afraid to go to jail.

  • (emotional instrumental music)

  • Love you, babe.

  • Love you.

  • (laughing loudly)

  • Dogs with braces aren't cool, do you know what's cool?

  • Shut the fuck up, Friendster.

  • Hey, it's Grant from CollegeHumor.

  • Click here to subscribe to the channel.

  • Click here for more fun stuff.

  • And sorry, guys, it feels like I'm out.

  • Am I out?

  • Cause like I can see the top of the camera, so it's...

  • Is this better?

  • All right, it feels worse.

  • Okay.

  • Thanks for watching.

(hip hop instrumental music)

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A2 US oculus blue apron facebook apron manipulative instrumental music

How Facebook is Like Your Desperate Ex

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    李宣億 posted on 2016/06/26
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