Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • We're desperate to avoid it of course, but we won't, for a lot of very good reasons:

  • Firstly, we don’t understand ourselves

  • We're all crazy in very particular ways: neurotic, unbalanced and immature...

  • But we don’t know the details.

  • Because no one encourages us too hard to find out. Our friends just want to be kind and have

  • fun with us. Our enemies don't want to waste the trouble.

  • So we end up with such a poor level of self-understanding, we have no clue who we'd be compatible with.

  • A standard question on any early dinner date should simply be: ‘How are you mad?’

  • But it's so hard to know...

  • Secondly, we don’t understand other people

  • It's as hard to work out the craziness of other people as it is our own.

  • They put on such a good show at first.

  • What we'd ideally need is to send them and us through a battery of psychological questionnaires

  • and have four years of intensive psychotherapy, individual and couples' based

  • before reaching a decision.

  • By 2100, this will no longer sound like a joke - people will merely wonder why it took

  • humanity so long to get there.

  • We aren’t used to being happy

  • We think we want happiness, but what we really want is what we're used to,

  • and that usually doesn't involve too much happiness at all.

  • Growing up, most of us had our love mixed in with other, darker stuff, being controlled,

  • feeling humiliated, being abandonned or abused. In short, suffering.

  • And now, whatever we may say, that's what we're mostly still on the look out for.

  • It explains why we rejected all those candidates, the well-balanced, mature reliable ones, as

  • somehow a bit 'boring'.

  • - and why we head instead with secret energy to those characters we unconsciously know

  • will mess us up in such cosily familiar ways.

  • Four, being single is so awful

  • You have to be very at peace with empty Saturday evenings, constant alienation and sexlessness

  • in order to be choosy in the right way.

  • No wonder most of us half shut our eyes and grab what's there.

  • Five, instinct has too much prestige

  • Marriage used to be a rational business; all to do with your parents matching their bit

  • of land with the neighbours'. It was horribly cold and calculating.

  • So now we have Romantic marriages. It's meant to be all about how you feel.

  • You should never think too much. To analyse the decision immediately feelsun-Romantic’.

  • Indeed, the most Romantic thing to do may just be to propose really suddenly, perhaps

  • after only a few weeks - in a chapel in Vegas at 3am...

  • The madness seems a paradoxical sign that the marriage itself will be a sensible idea. It won't be.

  • Six, we don’t go to Schools of Love

  • We don't have any information.

  • We don't take classes, we don't talk to married couples and steer very clear of divorced ones.

  • We go into it without knowing why marriages really fail.

  • beyond what we take to be just the simple stupidity of all those other couples we're not like at all.

  • Seven, freezing happiness

  • You want to make nice things permanent: you're in Venice, on the lagoon, with no responsibilities,

  • the evening sun throwing gold flakes across the sea,

  • the prospect of dinner in a little fish restaurant and your beloved in a cashmere jumper in your arms

  • You get married to make that feeling permanent.

  • But it all goes and what is really permanent is the partner - but now in a very different mood.

  • Eight, you want to stop thinking about Love

  • It's such a pain: the heartache, the dating, the one night stands...

  • You want shot of it all. You marry to stop having to think about love all the time.

  • All of which is why you'll marry the wrong person - or perhaps have done so already.

  • But it's not really your fault. No one ever teaches us how to do this thing,

  • and so of course we crash.

  • We will, as a species, eventually learn. The careless madness can't go on.

  • Too many people get hurt.

  • In a few centuries at least, we'll be getting the hang of it - for sure.

We're desperate to avoid it of course, but we won't, for a lot of very good reasons:

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

A2 UK marry permanent romantic happiness wrong person madness

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

  • 10134 1172
    李宣億 posted on 2016/05/05
Video vocabulary