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  • [upbeat music]

  • - Introducing the first step towards

  • a healthier Pork E. Pine's.

  • It's...the spinach pizza!

  • Ooh.

  • Because let's admit it.

  • The frozen food we serve here

  • is slowly killing people.

  • - Yeah, but the kids love it.

  • - So you want to use company money

  • to introduce a healthy menu item?

  • - Yes.

  • - Approved.

  • - Yes!

  • - Employee Idea Day is genius, Lori.

  • - It was your idea.

  • - Yeah, I know.

  • All right, Dinger, what do you got?

  • - All right, first, we install

  • an invisible electric fence

  • around the entire building.

  • Then we put microchips in the bad kids.

  • So when they come back for a return visit?

  • Bam! Electrocuted.

  • - I love it!

  • - Whoo! - No.

  • - No, Dinger, that's a terrible idea.

  • Get out of here.

  • All right, who's next?

  • - I am!

  • Okay, so I install homemade solar panels,

  • thereby knocking 40% off of your electric bill.

  • - No. - Yes!

  • - Yes.

  • - That's a good idea.

  • What is wrong with you?

  • - Well, I thought you were gonna say no.

  • Dinger, it's a go.

  • - Yes!

  • - Seriously?

  • [upbeat music]

  • - [singing] This is America

  • Land of dreams

  • Everyone can climb higher

  • - [singing] Not you though

  • - [singing] You're stuck here

  • - [singing] 'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

  • - [singing] You can do anything

  • - [singing] As long as it's not hard

  • - [singing] You can go anywhere

  • - [singing] As soon as you get a car

  • - [singing] You're gonna be a huge success

  • - [singing] Come on that's not who you are

  • - [singing] You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams

  • And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

  • Bad as it seems

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here

  • Whoa

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here

  • Oh-ho

  • Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?

  • [hinge squeaks]

  • [clattering]

  • - Well, do you like it?

  • Is it terrible?

  • I think the sauce might have too much salt.

  • - No, shut up. It's really good, man.

  • - Oh, no, I don't do greens.

  • I prefer the chemical version, but it looks good.

  • - Why are you so nervous anyway, Mads?

  • - My high school friend Jennica is gonna come review it today.

  • She is a big health food flogger.

  • She single-handedly got a cafeteria

  • to switch Salisbury steak with Salisbury kale.

  • It was a big deal.

  • - Wow. I kind of hate her already.

  • - Mmm.

  • [upbeat music]

  • - Jennica!

  • - Mads!

  • Oh, hi!

  • Oh, it's been so long.

  • - You look so great.

  • - You look the same.

  • So you work here?

  • It's so...empty.

  • - Well, we get a lot of kids and parents

  • in the after-school hours, so...

  • - I think it's great you work with families.

  • It really suits you.

  • - Mm-hmm.

  • - You know, some people might call this place,

  • like, dirty, but I think it's just fun.

  • It's like Reno but for kids.

  • [both laugh]

  • - I'm really excited for you to try our healthy pizza.

  • I'm gonna go get you one.

  • BRB.

  • - Oh, Mads.

  • No one says, "BRB," anymore.

  • You're welcome, girl.

  • - Pete, you ever look at Mother Nature's bounty

  • and thought, "I could use this to avoid

  • the watchful eye of the U.S. government"?

  • - Um, no.

  • - Well, let me show you the error of your ways, my boy.

  • Pork E. is going solar.

  • - Are there instructions?

  • - It's all in there.

  • Ah, dang it. Forgot the duct tape.

  • - I got it.

  • [grunts]

  • Dinger, we're locked out.

  • [dramatic music]

  • - I knew this day would come.

  • - Don't worry. I can call Mads.

  • She'll be up here real quick.

  • Problem solved.

  • [phone beeps]

  • Dinger!

  • - New plan.

  • Today, we survive!

  • - I think I'll just wait until a customer walks by

  • and then yell down.

  • - Hey, Periscopers.

  • Thanks for joining me, Jennica, at Pork E. Pine's.

  • We're here to try the hot new menu item, spinach pizza.

  • Ooh! Sorry, guys. [chuckles]

  • One moment. Hey, girl.

  • Didn't want to accidentally catch you on my Periscope feed.

  • You're not really camera ready, you know?

  • - Well, the pizza is the real star here.

  • We have a whole wheat crust and low-fat cheese--

  • - Mads? Um, hi.

  • Can I talk to you for a quick sec?

  • - Sorry, Jennica. Just give me a sec.

  • - Live your life, girl.

  • - Ow! Oh, my God.

  • I almost forgot what a b-hole Jennica is.

  • - I just got an email from the supplier of the new pizza.

  • All spinach products have been recalled due to E. coli.

  • - What? - Listen to me!

  • Under no circumstances can we let

  • that future "Real Housewife of Bitchtown"

  • eat any spinach pizza.

  • [dramatic music]

  • Don't eat that!

  • [dramatic music]

  • Hey, hey! Listen up! Listen up!

  • The healthy pizza's been contaminated.

  • I'm gonna call Mario's Pizza and pull a switcheroo.

  • - I don't feel so hot. - Me either.

  • - Guys, I'm pretty sure I just sharted.

  • [both vomit]

  • - Oh, God. Don't puke.

  • Don't puke. Don't puke!

  • [vomits]

  • - Oh, come on, now! Pull it together.

  • I need you all out on the floor swapping pizzas.

  • - Oh, don't say, "pizza"!

  • [both vomit]

  • Guys, it's coming out both ends at the same time!

  • [both vomit]

  • - Here is the spinach, which looks fresh.

  • And even though we all know the pitfalls of low-fat cheese,

  • this doesn't look plastic-y at all.

  • It could totes pass for real cheese.

  • Just got a bunch of hearts on that.

  • Now let's dig in.

  • - Oh! - What the hell, Mads?

  • - I just, uh, wanted to show your viewers

  • this other awesome thing about the pizza, um, here.

  • See how the spinach is attached to the pizza?

  • - I got dinner, Pete.

  • - Ugh!

  • Dinger, I need water.

  • It's so hot.

  • - Don't worry, little friend.

  • Open wide and I'll spit in your mouth.

  • [snorts] I got extra.

  • [snorts] Come on.

  • - And, um, see where the dough bubbles up?

  • Those are the...antioxidants trying to get out

  • to fight the...oxygen.

  • [whistle and finger snaps]

  • - Wow. A lot of comments.

  • "Where's Jennica?"

  • "Who's that plain girl?"

  • "Ooh, definitely not camera ready."

  • I'm sorry about that, fans.

  • My little buddy got a hold of my feed,

  • and speaking of feed-- [gasps]

  • Okay, seriously, what is your problem?

  • I'm sorry, guys.

  • My friend here obviously thinks

  • I shouldn't eat this pizza, but really,

  • I'm not the one with the love handles.

  • Or maybe it's the high-waisted khakis.

  • I can't tell.

  • - Fine.

  • Have your pizza.

  • It's all yours.

  • - [chuckles]

  • This...is actually pretty good.

  • It tastes healthy.

  • [upbeat music]

  • [dramatic music]

  • - Well, Pete, looks like Mother Nature

  • made you her bitch.

  • - Please just call down to one of the car wash guys.

  • - No. Trust me.

  • You'll be happier to die now as a man

  • than you will in 80 years from now as a boy.

  • - Dinger, I'm gonna kill you.

  • - That's the spirit.

  • - Mmm. Mmm!

  • Fans, you just saw me eat every bite

  • of this hot, new item, and you know how rare that is.

  • Two tongues up.

  • Over and out.

  • Mads, this could really big for you.

  • [chuckles]

  • - [laughs]

  • I bet it'll go viral.

  • - Mm-hmm.

  • - You.

  • - Oh, don't touch me.

  • [both laugh]

  • [dramatic music]

  • - It's okay.

  • We'll get you off this roof and into Valhalla.

  • - Don't throw me over the edge.

  • - You're delirious.

  • Shut up and relax your muscles.

  • - There, there. Get it out.

  • It's probably because you ate the whole pizza.

  • - [vomits]

  • [retches]

  • - Hey!

  • Nurse Mads!

  • I'm gonna lower Pete down.

  • If my rig breaks, can you catch his fall?

  • - Dinger, stay!

  • - [vomits]

  • [coughs and sobs]

  • - What did you do to him?

  • - In case I never see you again,

  • you're all I think about.

  • - What?

  • - I'm going to sleep now.

  • - Hey, uh, how safe is it to drink your own urine?

  • I drank a lot.

  • [upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

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B1 US pizza dinger mads spinach dramatic music music

PERISCOPE REVENGE (Part Timers #5)

  • 231 6
    Steven posted on 2016/04/27
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