- You all right?

- Yeah, I think I have something in my throat.

(clears throat)

(funky music)

Can I take a Halls if i already took an ibuprofen?

Is that dangerous?

(funky music)

(gargling)

- My sister, she had a friend back in college

who had a sore throat for like a week

and now she talks with one of those talk-box thingies.

- Why are you telling me this?

Mom, what's our family throat history?

It is so what this is, I did my research.

- Yahoo Answers isn't research.

- Are you gonna stay with me when I'm diagnosed?

Like, are you gonna shave your head in solidarity?

- You don't have cancer.

- Well, I'm looking on here, and this woman

thought she just had her period, but it's cancer.

So, I'm gonna give you my passwords for everything.

When I'm gone, I want you to be with Alison.

She could take care of you.

- Okay.

- You're not even going to put up a fight about it?

Oh my gosh, this is karma.

Remember sophomore year i got that girl Carol expelled

because I said she was taking pills?

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

- Okay, strep test came back negative.

- How long do I have?

- Uh, what?

- He didn't even write me a prescription,

just told me to gargle with salt water.

- [Boyfriend] It's your bill.

- Thanks babe.

(dramatic music)

(gasps)

But I'm not even sick!