- Good, thanks.

- How am I?

I've been standing for eight hours

and I'm in a terrible mood (laughs).

My dog died.

- It looks like you erased the entire contents of your phone

but sure, I'll take responsibility.

- I'm saying I need to go in the back to check for her size

but I'm really going in the back

to check my Instagram.

- Oh, I'm pretending like I didn't just see porn

pop up on your computer.

- You're super cute, I'm gonna act so professional

to cover up how nervous I am.

Hello.

- Hi.

- This blouse looks terrible on you

but I'm a hundred dollars away from my sales goal.

Yes girl, it's fierce.

- No, we're out of stock.

For the 100th time.

- Oh, no price tag.

Must be free.

(laughter)

- I've already heard that joke six times today

and it's not even my lunch break yet.

- Where can you buy that obscure adapter?

I don't know, I'll Google it.

- Nope.

You're misinterpreting good customer service as flirting.

Give me one moment.

Yeah?

- I am watching you steal that accessory but go ahead

because I'm not allowed to confront you directly.

- No, you can't return that item without a receipt.

But let me go get my manager so he can tell you

the exact same thing.

- We're understaffed today so I'm just gonna

make an excuse to head into the back.

- Oh, you're great with technology.

Then why are you here?

(laughter)

- After three years in retail

I'm the world's best fake laugher.

(laughs)

- I haven't had a full weekend off in four months.

(laughs maniacally)