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- You may now kiss the bride.
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- Just uh, just gonna do one of those.
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Hi, I'm Zach and I'm single as fuck.
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- Zach, don't fall in love with me.
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Hi, I'm Ashly, I'm gonna marry Zach for a week.
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Which is probably a huge mistake.
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- It's gonna be great!
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- Thank you.
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- You're welcome.
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- Honestly, a lot of the time, I love being single.
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I really do.
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- I do whatever I want, whenever I want.
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I'm an independent woman.
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- I've never had to plan my life around another person.
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I'm not good at letting people into my life.
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- Committing to another person for the rest of your life
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is a crazy, crazy...
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- You said that, and my heartbeat just went up.
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(gasps)
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- I want to be in relationships, I do.
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- At some point, I want to share my life
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with someone, and the logistics of that
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seem a little frightening.
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- This is like, immersion therapy.
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- Are you gonna carry me over the threshold?
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- [Zach] No, you carry me.
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- Why do you have so much shit?
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- Because we're gonna be together for a week.
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- Four texts a day, five meals over the course
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of a week, two nice things that are
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completely unplanned.
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- Each?
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- Each.
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- Let's just do one.
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- Where do I put my stuff?
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- Oh my god, I didn't even think about this.
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I guess I'll have to move my kimono.
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So I think, at some point, I'm just going to
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want him to shut up.
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- Really, I'm making your bed?
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- It's our bed.
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And I know he is definitely gonna want me
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to shut up.
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The only CD that I have in my car is Taylor Swift
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and then I Spotify... - She's almost a year old now.
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- It doesn't matter, it's the best CD.
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- Like most married couples, it's gonna be
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completely sexless.
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(laughs)
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Would you say that's accurate?
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- No.
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- How do you sleep?
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- I sleep in fetal position,
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like a little baby. - So do I.
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- You have to be comfortable around the other person.
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- Broccoli makes you fart.
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I assume it's gonna teach me a lot about myself.
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Best part about being married so far?
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Ashley has got citrus amimos shampoo.
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I smell like a damn tree.
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Definitely gonna teach me a lot about Ashley.
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- Ooh, Wonder Woman pajamas.
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We should probably get some alcohol.
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Maybe we'll want popsicles.
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Look how cool those tank is.
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- [Zach] Ashly, Ashly, eye on the prize.
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It's been similar so far to friendship,
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but it's just longer.
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- Yeah.
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This is a long, long friendship.
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- And with retainer.
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(laughs)
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- Don't fall in love with me.
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- Stop saying that.
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- Zach.
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For me, the hardest thing to conceptualize
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is like, your freedom is just gone.
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- Ashly told me she wants a divorce.
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- I do.
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Zach was stressing me out so much.
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Stop filming me.
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- [Zach] We need to talk this out.
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- We're not Kardashians!
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- Even in the second day of marriage,
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we started resenting how much time
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we were spending together, and that's not good.
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Okay, I'll have you know, that Adam asked me
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to get dinner, and I said no, I'm gonna order dinner
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for my wife.
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- There have gotta be moments where you
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have panic about like, "Oh my god,
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"I just signed up for the rest of my life."
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- Have we made up from our fight yet?
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- Yep, cuz I got a funny Snapchat of you.
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- My hair looks stupid.
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- Your hair was silly.
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You definitely need time where you're just
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not even engaging with the other person
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and it's not rude.
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- I hate planning dates.
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Oh, it's such a nightmare.
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It just stresses me out.
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- Hi.
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- Hey Pumpkin, we're gonna be late for
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our double dinner date with the Fulmers.
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- Another thing is hanging out with your couples friends.
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So you're gonna go on a date night.
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- With you and Ariel? - Gonna go on a double date
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with me and Ariel.
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It's great!
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- We brought wine.
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- White wine.
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- We're late, but Zach found a great parking spot.
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- Yeah.
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- Hello!
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- The Kornrezzes are here!
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- We don't have any pictures of us making out
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in our house.
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- [Zach] We don't have any pictures of us in general.
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- [Ashly] This is so adult.
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Date night with the Fulmers made me realize
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why people get married.
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- We are pounding meat for our wives,
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pounding meat.
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- For our wives!
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- Date night with the Fulmers was the shit.
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They made a really delicious dinner
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which I'm not accustomed to anyone cooking for me.
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Like, what a delight. - [Ashly] Yeah.
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- A friend cooked for me.
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How delightful is that?
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- There really is a moment in every adult's life
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where you're like, just tired of being single.
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Would you get bored of this if this was your whole life?
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- I don't know, I don't think so.
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- That was wonderful, shall we go home now?
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- Tomorrow has some prasu...
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tomorrow has some surprises in store
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for you, Ashly.
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- [Ashly] Are you drunk?
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- Uh, drunk on love.
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Drunk on marriage.
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I realized I've never planned a romantic date
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for anyone.
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I hate planning dates.
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Today is like a day of niceties
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and surprises.
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- Zach had so many surprises for me.
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It was fucking crazy.
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- Having a special day that's like,
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"This is our date night", it encourages you
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to think outside the box.
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- It feels weird cuz it's like, not my birthday or anything.
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It's just my marriage.
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- Ashly loves theme parks and it's been
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hot as balls out, so later today, we're going
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to a water park.
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I got one more thing before the water park.
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- Oh! - A wedding photo of us.
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- This is so cheesy.
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I do love word art.
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Right in front of Taylor.
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- [Zach] Now we're a family.
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- I'm gonna keep that forever, that's hilarious.
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(shouting and cheering)
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- Oh, here we go!
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Oh, my butt is dragging!
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Oh no, I'm backwards!
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- Woo!
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Thank you, Ashly.
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- You're welcome.
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- [Zach] Married couples probably don't go to water parks
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unless they have kids, but that's the kind of
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married couple we would be.
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- That was so fun.
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- That was a good test, cuz it was a test of
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can Ashly and I just spend a ton of time together
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and not go crazy - [Ashly] Kill each other.
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- [Zach] wanting to kill each other?
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And we succeeded.
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We both said, as soon as we got home,
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"I had a fun day.
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"I don't wanna be with you any more."
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So we're just gonna sit next to each other
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and try and be alone in the same room.
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("Senorita" by Justin Timberlake)
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- Final night of marriage.
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- Last night of marriage, we're going to my
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favorite pho place.
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- Fo?
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- Pho.
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- [Zach] Monday was our final day.
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It was kinda bittersweet.
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- And the weird thing was, last night it felt so normal.
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I forgot for a second that I wasn't actually married.
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- I got mostly fruit, so it's healthy.
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- You didn't get even a little bit of fruit.
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It's nice to have someone who's always
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on your team.
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And marriage really is teamwork.
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Wow.
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I think this is all married people do.
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- Just watch TV in bed and drink wine.
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- Watch TV and drink white wine.
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- Now that it's over, I'm like, kinda sad.
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You ready?
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- Divorce on three.
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- [Both] One, two, three, divorce!
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- Oh no.
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Marriage is fuckin' hard, y'all.
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- You really can't put yourself first.
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- And that is like (blows) what?
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It's scary, to open yourself to another human being
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but it can also be really rewarding.
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And I see that now.
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I wanna get married someday.
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Do you?
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- Yeah, totally.
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- But not to each other.
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- No.
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- Definitely not to each other.
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- Maybe a little, but not really.
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- Don't fall in love with me, Ashly.
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- That's my line.
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We called each other Pumpkin throughout the week.
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- I heard someone else call Ashly Pumpkin,
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and I got furious.
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I was like, "Back the fuck off.
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"That's my Pumpkin."
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- Sexual intimacy is a big part of any relationship.
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- Different video.
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- [Ned] Okay.