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  • We are back with Justin Bieber,

  • and how's your summer been?

  • Summer's been pretty good. - Yeah?

  • Yup. - You wore very little clothes.

  • I...I... (audience laughter)

  • Right? You had your shirt off in every picture I saw of you.

  • I guess. - It's hot wherever you go,

  • probably.

  • It is pretty hot, yeah.

  • (screams and applause)

  • Who's feeding you grapes there?

  • That was just a friend. - Well, that's...

  • That's a selfie, and then there's that.

  • (audience: Whoo!)

  • You need to take care of yourself.

  • (audience laughter)

  • Look at that. Um, oh, that's...

  • Look at that. (audience: Oh!)

  • (audience laughter)

  • That's very...

  • Hot. Hot, Hot.

  • Oh, a very tall person took that picture.

  • And then there you are... (audience laughter)

  • (screams and applause)

  • So can I tell you about that photo real quick?

  • Yes, who took that picture and tell us about it.

  • It was a friend of mine, but...

  • Butt, butt. (audience laughter)

  • Butt!

  • Cause one of my friends' parents hit me,

  • or one of my friends hit me, who has a kid,

  • and they were like, "Yo, my daughter just saw this.

  • and she came to me and was like, "I just saw Justin's butt."

  • (audience laughter) So I felt bad about it,

  • and I was like... I just took it down,

  • cause I didn't want to, like-- - Right.

  • So you took it down, but then the other, I loved,

  • because you realized that you shouldn't be naked out on a boat,

  • and then you put your underwear on,

  • which I really appreciate.

  • (audience laughter) You put...

  • your Ellen underwear on.

  • Yeah. - That looks good.

  • Uh huh. (cheers and applause)

  • (cheers and applause)

  • So the last time you were here, you were here with Madonna.

  • Yup. - It seemed she was

  • flirting with you a lot.

  • She was, right? - Right?

  • I felt that. - Yeah.

  • But then what happened backstage when y'all went backstage?

  • You guys really want to know? - Yeah.

  • (screams and applause)

  • This is just--that's just a PG(parental guidance) version of what went...

  • I see. I see. (audience laughter)

  • Now did you hang out with her afterwards or no?

  • We talked a little bit but we didn't really...we didn't hang.

  • No. - No.

  • Okay.

  • She's too old for you.

  • (audience laughter) - Yeah, she's...

  • I mean... I think.

  • You're not too young for her, but she's too old for you.

  • (audience laughter)

  • Who are you dating right now?

  • Um...

  • That's the old, nervous,

  • "take the hat off and fix my hair" move.

  • Are you dating anyone?

  • These are nice. - Those are my glasses.

  • Do you...do you need these? Oh.

  • Just to read.

  • No, you can't see far away in them.

  • I can't see anything.

  • But see? See? - Oh, oh, this is good.

  • Yeah, it's just to read. - Wow, maybe I need these.

  • Yeah. - This is good.

  • I know! I didn't think I needed glasses until--

  • This is great.

  • Pay attention to the dating question.

  • Sorry. (audience laughter)

  • Yeah, I didn't think I needed them until I was like,

  • "How come I can't read?"

  • I'm single, ladies. - You're single.

  • All right, good. (screams and applause)

  • (screams and applause)

  • And ready to mingle.

  • "And ready to mingle"? - Yep.

  • All right, well, there's a lot of girls

  • that would like to mingle with you.

  • I'm in a place now... (audience screams)

  • (audience screams)

  • I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now.

  • I just want to... They don't want relationships.

  • They just want to... (audience laughter)

  • (audience laughter)

  • They just want to mingle.

  • So the big hit that... is "Where Are You Now,"

  • which I love that song, very very much.

  • Thank you. (imitates music of song)

  • (audience laughter)

  • I thought you were going to do the whole thing.

  • (imitates music again)

  • You know that's actually my vocal?

  • They just chopped it up.

  • Oh, it's not really a synthesizer, it's just that?

  • No, it's just my vocal. So they pitched it up,

  • and they like messed with it and stuff.

  • That's not true. - It's is true.

  • (audience laughter)

  • It's not true. - I swear it's true.

  • Well, why would you swear, and lie, saying, "I swear."

  • But I'm not lying.

  • I swear. - Really?

  • What do you mean?

  • Ah, see what I did there?

  • So you got us into "What do you mean, 'what do you mean'?"

  • So "What Do You Mean" is my new single, by the way, guys.

  • Yes. (cheers and applause)

  • (cheers and applause)

  • And you had...

  • I... I did one for you.

  • You were Instagramming a different person

  • saying "What do you mean? What do you mean?"

  • And so "What do you mean, what do you mean?" is

  • about the song "What Do You Mean?"

  • Yes, yes. - Right?

  • Which you performed on the VMAs last Sunday.

  • Yes, ma'am. - Right.

  • That was the first time performing in a while.

  • How'd that feel? - It was. It felt so great.

  • Just to be back up on that stage and just like...

  • I just feel like I'm so much more comfortable there

  • than anywhere else, you know?

  • Well, I'm glad that you're back up on stage.

  • We miss you. We're ready for that music.

  • We're ready for that new music.

  • And uh, who did you write the song for?

  • I wrote this song for, um...

  • women in general.

  • Just all women?

  • It seemed like it was one specific woman.

  • It's like, gosh. - Does it rhyme with Malina?

  • Here's the thing, here's the thing.

  • Does it rhyme with Malina? - I just never know what...

  • (audience laughter)

  • I just never know what women are thinking.

  • Uh huh. - 'Cause they're just like,

  • they say one thing and they mean another thing,

  • and they're like, "Do this,"

  • and then, "No, don't do this,"

  • and I'm like, "What do you mean?"

  • (audience laughter) You know?

  • Or they're like kissing you, and then they push you off of them,

  • and then I'm like, "But why? What's going on?"

  • Yeah. - You know?

  • No, tell me about it. - Yeah.

  • (laughter and applause)

We are back with Justin Bieber,

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The Biebs on His Bum

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    Vivi Lee   posted on 2015/09/17
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