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You're welcome.
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You're welcome.
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You're welcome
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Look, I know everyone's all up in arms about the comments I made about Megyn Kelly after last week's GOP debate.
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which, by the way, I won easily.
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(laughter)
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I was fantastic. The ratings were huge!
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Anyway, yesterday I called Megyn Kelly to personally not apologize.
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When I said blood was coming out of her wherever, I obviously meant nose and ears.
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If you think I was talking about something else, you're a deviant.
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(laughter)
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I was not referring to hormones or menstruation.
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Period.
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(laughter)
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Anyone who thinks otherwise is a total deviant.
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It's amazing how the media loves to twist my words and viciously attack me.
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It happens all the time.
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Like last week, when I said that my wife, Melania, had the best melons in the world,
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of course I meant her honeydew melons.
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Which, by the way, can't be beat.
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Only a deviant would think I was talking about her boobs.
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(laughter)
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Which, by the way, are classy and fantastic.
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(laughter)
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On the other day, when I said to...
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that Carly Fiorina had too much junk in the trunk,
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I was obviously talking about the amount of stuff she keeps in the back of her Hyundai Sonata.
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It's like a Costco back there.
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She has a...
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She has a case of those giant cans of juicy-juice.
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You know, the ones you have to open with a can opener on both sides.
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I prefer juice drinks that don't come in a paint can, okay?
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Deviant.
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For last month, when I said I'd love to have a foursome with Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and Nicki Minaj
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I was simply talking about golf.
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Which also explains why I said I'd love for them to wash my balls.
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Deviant.
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Deviant, okay?
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Or when I said that me and Gary Pusey like to do it doggy style
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I just meant
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I just meant that sometimes I'll toss a frisbee, and he'll catch it in his mouth like a dog.
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What else could that possibly mean?
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Deviant
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Twisting my words
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And finally, when I said I love fat Tony's big, greasy sausage and couldn't wait to get it in my mouth,
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How could you not know I was talking about my local butcher Tony Esposito
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and his quality made products
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Deviants.
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(applause)
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Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the campaign trail and pounce on Bush.
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What?! Deviants! Deviants! Deviants!
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Cue the music