Subtitles section Play video
-
- I love you so much, and I thought I could get you.
-
I didn't get you. - You did get me.
-
- No, I didn't get you. - You scared me--you did.
-
You scared me, and I'm a fan of yours,
-
and you know I love you, and you still scared me.
-
- Yeah.
-
- And you just did it, and you just--
-
You're not mean-spirited. - No.
-
- You're just cr-- a little cruel.
-
- Yeah. - And, yeah.
-
I came in--
-
- It's not cruel. It's just sneaky.
-
- [laughing] It's sneaky.
-
But I kind of felt something was gonna happen,
-
and I came in, and the producer said to me,
-
"Go on into the-- this is your dressing room.
-
"Go into the bathroom.
-
Ellen has an old picture of you and her from years ago."
-
And I go, "Ugh, it's probably an awful picture."
-
He goes, "It's pretty funny. You'll laugh at it.
-
She hung it in the bathroom."
-
And I go, "Okay," and I go to the bathroom.
-
The door is creaked a little bit closed.
-
- Well, all right, let's show--
-
this is me trying to scare him.
-
- This was minutes ago.
-
I'm walking in, and I go. What the heck?
-
That's the bathroom. I'm about to go in there.
-
[men speaking indistinctly]
-
You sure? - Yep.
-
- I knew it.
-
Oh, God, something's gonna jump out and scare me.
-
Yeah, I knew it. [laughter]
-
I'll just do it.
-
I don't like getting scared.
-
[shouts] - [screams]
-
- [screams]
-
[laughter]
-
[speaking indistinctly]
-
I knew it! - You knew it.
-
How did you know it?
-
- I did get scared too, 'cause you go, "Whoo-ha-ha."
-
- Yeah, but then-- [both laugh]
-
But then I was thinking, "Oh, I wish I wasn't there,
-
'cause then you would've just done that all by yourself.
-
[laughter] That would've been--
-
- That would've been really embarrassing.
-
- That would've been better. - Yeah.
-
I'm always getting embarrassed. Yeah.
-
But I'm so happy to be here.
-
I never get a chance to see you because...
-
- I know. - I'm in New York, but now--
-
- I watch you all the time. [cheers and applause]
-
Such a great job.
-
- I got to come out. You do the best show.
-
And I got to thank you for always supporting me.
-
And you sent me and my staff a bunch of fun things
-
like cotton candy one day and popcorn and snow cones
-
and just made everyone's day.
-
You're just so cool.
-
- Yeah, well, you're doing a great job.
-
I'm loving the show, and it's so much fun.
-
-Thanks. - And you're doing
-
- I mean, were you nervous about actually even going--
-
I mean, you're doing-- you've been doing a show anyway,
-
it's just now "The Tonight Show."
-
- Right, it's just a change of title.
-
But they're big shoes to fill with Jay Leno,
-
and so the first night especially, I was nervous,
-
because I go, "Do I just come out
-
and just do jokes like I've been on
-
'The Tonight Show' for years",
-
or "do I come out and go, 'Hey, guys.
-
This is what a talk show is.'"
-
Because there might be some kids watching
-
that've never seen a talk show but, since I'm new,
-
they'll give it a shot and-- 'cause when I was a kid,
-
I would ask my parents for permission.
-
"Can I stay up, watch Johnny Carson?"
-
It was a big deal, you know,
-
just to stay up to watch the monologue.
-
So I thought, "I'll come out,
-
I'll explain what a talk show is,
-
then I'll go, you know, 'This is my sidekick,'
-
and then I'll leave and come back out and tell jokes."
-
So I called Jay Leno.
-
I go, "What do you think of that idea?"
-
He goes...
-
[as Jay Leno] "I'd just come out and tell jokes."
-
And I go, "That's what I was thinking, but"--
-
I go, "Now I'm confused."
-
And so I talked to my head writer,
-
and he goes-- he goes--
-
I go "Jay says 'just to come out
-
and tell jokes like I've been doing it.'."
-
And he goes, "Yeah, but he's Jay Leno,
-
and you're--you're your thing.
-
It's a different flavor. It's a different thing.
-
Go out and do what you feel like you should do."
-
And so I did that, and I--
-
I did that, and that went great,
-
and I explained what a talk show was
-
and that a human comes out and tells jokes about the news.
-
I mean, so kids who have never seen it,
-
now they know what it is.
-
And then I came out, and I'm start--
-
I came out, did some jokes,
-
and I made a joke about high school or something.
-
And of course my mom and dad are in the audience
-
'cause it was my first "Tonight Show."
-
And my dad heckles me.
-
- I saw that. [laughter]
-
- Do you believe-- can you believe that?
-
- No. No, did he-- - Can you believe my life?
-
- Why? - That was--
-
I couldn't believe it was happening.
-
I go, "What is going on?"
-
Like, your son--
-
this is probably the most nerve-racking
-
he's ever going to be, and you heckle?
-
I go-- here's what happened.
-
I said--made some joke about, "Hey, Dad."
-
Or, you know, "I didn't"--
-
Or, "Mom and Dad, I didn't graduate high school"--
-
which I did, but it was a joke.
-
I go, "I didn't graduate high school, but here I am.
-
I'm host of 'The Tonight Show.'"
-
And everyone was laughing.
-
They clapped. It was a funny joke.
-
And my dad goes, "We paid a lot of money for that school."
-
[laughter]
-
Got a giant laugh. Bigger laugh than my laugh.
-
- Yeah. - People were clapping.
-
I'm like, "Did that just happen?
-
"Did I just-- I just heard my dad's voice
-
yelling at me."
-
And the other thing is, I went to public school.
-
He didn't pay a lot of money.
-
I'm like, "Are you talking about taxes?"
-
I don't really get into math with my dad.
-
What are you talking about?
-
- He was just making up stuff for a joke.
-
- Butt out! Yes. Get your own show.
-
Yeah. - Oh, my God.
-
- [chuckles] I love 'em.
-
I love 'em. They're great people.
-
- Well, they've got to be so proud of you.
-
- They really are.
-
My mom calls me all the time--
-
and most of the time she calls, it's to say
-
who was great on your show.
-
She always goes, "Oh, Ellen was great the other day.
-
She had Bradley Cooper on."
-
I'm like, "Oh, yeah, well,
-
"we've had Bradley Cooper on too.
-
We've had some fun things."
-
She goes, "I know, but--
-
so here's what Ellen did with Bradley."
-
I go, "I don't want to hear about Ellen's show!
-
I know that show's a great show."
-
- That's hilarious. - She loves you.