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  • "THAT'S TERRIBLE.

  • IT SHOULDN'T BE ABOUT THAT.

  • IT SHOULD BE

  • ABOUT COMPANIONSHIP,

  • AND FELLOWSHIP, AND SHARING."

  • GIRLS, IF YOUR HUSBAND

  • WAS INTERESTED IN COMPANIONSHIP,

  • FELLOWSHIP, AND SHARING,

  • HE'D HAVE GOTTEN

  • A GOLDEN RETRIEVER.

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: HE'S INTERESTED

  • IN THIS,

  • AND HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

  • THAT'S THE WAY GOD WIRED MEN.

  • BUT WHAT MEN FAIL

  • TO UNDERSTAND IS,

  • THE KEY TO THIS...

  • IS THIS.

  • AND IF A MAN

  • SUCCESSFULLY TOUCHES THIS,

  • SHE GIVES HIM THE GREEN LIGHT,

  • AND NOW HE CAN TOUCH THIS.

  • >> [audience applauding]

  • >> Mark: SO THIS SEX DRIVE,

  • GUYS, IS GOD'S WAY

  • OF CONSTANTLY REMINDING A MAN--

  • AND IT KEEPS COMING BACK.

  • LIKE, IT NEVER STOPS.

  • YOU KNOW, JUST--

  • [imitates machinery]

  • ON AVERAGE,

  • A MAN WILL FEEL

  • THE NEED FOR SEXUAL RELEASE

  • ABOUT EVERY 72 HOURS.

  • THAT'S EVERY THREE DAYS.

  • SOME MORE, SOME LESS.

  • "MY HUSBAND'S

  • EVERY 72 MINUTES."

  • BUT, UH, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

  • BUT ANYWAY--

  • BUT SERIOUSLY, THE REASON

  • THAT KEEPS COMING BACK

  • IS TO MOTIVATE THE MAN:

  • "BE NICE TO THE GIRL."

  • IT'S NOT SO YOU CAN JUST GO,

  • "HEY, YOU AWAKE?"

  • A LOT OF GUYS DO THAT.

  • AS SOON AS THEY FEEL THE BUZZ,

  • THEY'RE JUST REACHING

  • FOR THE GIRL.

  • "COME HERE, BABY.

  • COME HERE. COME HERE."

  • DON'T BE A MORON.

  • SHE WON'T WANT TO COME HERE.

  • THE REASON THAT BUZZ

  • HITS YOU AGAIN--

  • "REMEMBER: BE NICE TO THE GIRL.

  • BE NICE TO THE GIRL.

  • BE NICE TO THE GIRL.

  • BE NICE TO THE GIRL.

  • I GOTTA BE NICE TO THE GIRL."

  • AND THIS IS WHAT MOTIVATES ME.

  • I TRY TO BE NICE

  • TO MY WIFE, AND I'LL--

  • I SPEND TIME WITH HER.

  • I TAKE HER TO LUNCH EVERY DAY,

  • AND I'LL TAKE HER SHOPPING.

  • "WELL, PASTOR MARK,

  • DO YOU LIKE GOIN' SHOPPING?"

  • NO, I HATE IT.

  • YOU KNOW, SHE DROPS ME OFF

  • AT THE BENCH

  • WITH ALL THE OLD GUYS,

  • AND I SLEEP WITH THEM.

  • YOU KNOW, JUST--

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: AND SHE COMES,

  • PICKS ME UP,

  • DROPS ME OFF AT ANOTHER BENCH.

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: YOU SAY,

  • "WELL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

  • WHY DO YOU DO IT?"

  • I'LL TELL YOU WHY:

  • BECAUSE I WANT SOME OF THIS.

  • >> [audience applauding]

  • >> Mark: I'M NO IDIOT.

  • YOU GOTTA BE NICE TO THE GIRL.

  • YOU GOTTA PAY ATTENTION

  • TO THE GIRL.

  • AND, REALLY, SINGLE WOMEN--

  • I DON'T KNOW

  • HOW MANY SINGLE WOMEN

  • ARE WATCHING THIS,

  • BUT INEVITABLY

  • THERE'S A SINGLE WOMAN HERE,

  • AND THAT'S GREAT,

  • AND A LOT'LL BE WATCHIN' THIS.

  • BUT, YOU KNOW,

  • WHEN A WOMAN GIVES A MAN

  • THIS BEFORE MARRIAGE,

  • SHE IS A NITWIT

  • OF ASTRONOMICAL PROPORTIONS.

  • THAT'S A--

  • YOU WOULD NEVER BUILD A HOUSE

  • AND PAY THE CONTRACTOR

  • IN ADVANCE.

  • ARE YOU HEARIN' ME?

  • GETTING-- IF YOU'RE BUILDING

  • A $250,000 HOUSE,

  • WHICH HERE IN PHOENIX

  • WILL GET YOU

  • A ONE-BEDROOM WITH NOTHIN'.

  • UH.

  • MAN, I GOT A HUGE CONDO

  • ON THE LAKE, IN WISCONSIN,

  • FOR $250,000.

  • MAN, I'M TELLING YOU,

  • HERE YOU GOT NOTHIN'!

  • BUT ANYWAY, YOU WOULDN'T PAY

  • THE GUY IN ADVANCE

  • AND GIVE HIM-- "HERE!

  • HERE'S THE $250 GRAND."

  • DO YOU KNOW WHY?

  • THE HOUSE WILL NEVER GET

  • DONE ON TIME.

  • HE'LL NEVER DO

  • WHAT HE'S PROMISED TO DO.

  • WHY? 'CAUSE IT'S JUST

  • THE NATURE OF HUMAN BEINGS.

  • YOU PAY 'EM

  • AS THEY HIT CERTAIN MARKS.

  • CERTAIN THINGS ARE ACCOMPLISHED,

  • YOU FINISH IT.

  • [audio unclear]

  • AND THEN YOU WAIT

  • 'TIL EVERYTHING'S RIGHT,

  • AND THEN YOU CLOSE. WHY?

  • BECAUSE THAT'S

  • THE WAY PEOPLE ARE WIRED.

  • IF YOU WERE JUST

  • TO GIVE IT TO HIM,

  • YOU WOULD BE A NITWIT, A MORON.

  • THAT'S WHAT

  • WOMEN ARE DOING TODAY.

  • THEY'RE COUGHING THIS UP FRONT,

  • WHICH IS EVERY MAN'S BASIC,

  • FUNDAMENTAL INTEREST

  • IN A WOMAN.

  • YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN HIM

  • EVERYTHING HE WANTS.

  • AND THEN

  • THEY SIT AROUND AND SAY,

  • "WELL, AREN'T YOU

  • GONNA MARRY ME?

  • AREN'T YOU GONNA

  • SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME?

  • AREN'T YOU GONNA--"

  • [chatters]

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: NO, HE'S NOT.

  • "WHY WON'T--"

  • BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

  • THAT'S WHY. DON'T DO THAT--

  • GIVE HIM THAT THING.

  • YOU MAKE THAT BOY EARN IT.

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: "IF THERE

  • AIN'T NO RING,

  • YOU AIN'T GETTIN' THE THING,"

  • IS WHAT YOU NEED TO TELL HIM.

  • SERIOUSLY, GIRL.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT--

  • THERE'S SOMETHING

  • THAT REALLY HAPPENED

  • IN THE FEMALE CULTURE.

  • I THINK IT'S 'CAUSE

  • OF THE WOMEN'S LIB THING,

  • AND THEY THINK,

  • "WELL, NOW WE CAN GO OUT,

  • AND WE CAN BE AS SEXUAL AS MEN,"

  • AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

  • BUT THEY ARE FIGHTING

  • AGAINST THEIR OWN INTEREST.

  • THERE ARE MILLIONS

  • OF WOMEN IN AMERICA TODAY

  • THAT ARE SO FRUSTRATED.

  • THEY CAN NEVER GET THIS.

  • THEY CAN NEVER GET THIS.

  • YOU KNOW WHY?

  • BECAUSE THEY'RE DUMB.

  • I'M SERIO--

  • I DON'T MEAN IT IN A MEAN WAY,

  • BUT THEY'RE DOING A DUMB THING

  • BY JUST COUGHING THIS UP

  • TO EVERY GUY THAT COMES ALONG,

  • THINKING-- IT DOESN'T

  • WORK THAT WAY.

  • IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

  • NOW, EVERY MAN--

  • EVERY WOMAN'S BASIC INTEREST

  • IN A MAN IS THIS.

  • WHAT A LOT OF WOMEN

  • FAIL TO RECOGNIZE IS,

  • THE KEY TO THIS IS THIS.

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: AND IF YOU TOUCH THAT,

  • HE GIVES YOU THE GREEN LIGHT,

  • AND YOU CAN TOUCH THIS.

  • "I THOUGHT YOU SAID,

  • WOMEN WEREN'T SUPPOSED

  • TO DO THAT."

  • OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE.

  • INSIDE OF MARRIAGE,

  • YOU GOTTA WORK AT THIS.

  • OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE,

  • YOU DEFEAT YOURSELF.

  • BUT INSIDE A MARRIAGE,

  • YOU HAVE TO REALIZE,

  • THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT DEAL.

  • IT IS! IT'S HUGE.

  • A LOT--

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> [men cheering]

  • >> Mark: A LOT OF WOMEN

  • TREAT THIS LIKE A SIDE ISSUE.

  • IT IS NOT

  • A SIDE ISSUE IN MARRIAGE.

  • IT IS THE CENTRAL ISSUE.

  • IT TRULY IS.

  • AND I'M GONNA EXPLAIN THIS

  • IN GREATER DETAIL TOMORROW.

  • YOU GET THIS RIGHT,

  • THINGS WILL FLOW A LOT BETTER

  • IN YOUR LIFE.

  • YOU TRY TO DISCARD THIS,

  • "OH, IT SHOULDN'T BE

  • ABOUT THAT,

  • AND HE SHOULDN'T BE

  • INTERESTED IN SEX.

  • HE'S A PIG. BLEAH!"

  • YOU ARE FIGHTING NOW

  • AGAINST YOUR OWN INTERESTS,

  • DOING IT THAT WAY.

  • YOU'VE GOTTA BE SMART

  • ABOUT THIS, GIRLS.

  • THE KEY TO THIS BOY'S HEART.

  • YOU KNOW, THEY USED TO SAY,

  • WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,

  • THAT THE KEY--

  • THE KEY TO A MAN'S HEART

  • WAS HIS STOMACH.

  • UH, BUT THEY WERE

  • ABOUT SIX INCHES TOO HIGH.

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: AND THIS IS IMPORTANT.

  • I GOTTA TELL YOU, GIRLS,

  • IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS,

  • WE PROBABLY WOULDN'T DEAL

  • WITH Y'ALL.

  • >> [audience laughing]

  • >> Mark: I KNOW

  • THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE.

  • BUT I'M JUST TELLING YOU

  • LIKE IT IS.

  • YOU KNOW?

  • YOU TAKE THAT OFF, MAN,

  • I DON'T THINK WE'D GO

  • THROUGH THE TROUBLE, HONESTLY.

  • THIS IS A GAME

  • YOU GOTTA LET HIM KNOW