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- Nicole Kidman was on the show.
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Did you see that?
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I mean, so Nicole Kidman--
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turns out she thought she was going on a date with you.
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- [laughs] Yeah, no.
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This is honestly another thing--
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I--I'm really embarrassed about this.
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So--but this is like therapy, so this is--feels good.
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I can talk to you guys about this.
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- Good.
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- I had Nicole Kidman--
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my friend called me and said, "Dude, what are you doing?"
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I go, "I'm walking home." - How long ago was this?
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Before you were married, obviously.
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- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was 2002, I'm gonna say?
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Right before I met my wife in 2004.
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So, 2002, I'm single,
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but I don't think about this remotely as my chances of date--
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so I think she was named "Most Beautiful Person" that year.
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So this is beyond my-- so, anyway,
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my friend called and says, "I have Nicole Kidman with me.
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She wants to meet you, and I think it's about a movie."
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"Bewitched," she was about to make.
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And I go, "Oh, yeah."
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Well, she ended up making it with Will Ferrell,
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and it was great and whatever.
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So I go, "Okay, great.
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Well, where do you want to meet?"
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He goes, "We'll come to your apartment."
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I go, "Oh, my God, you're gonna bring
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Nicole Kidman to my apartment?"
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Like, this is--
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"Uh, okay, uh, what do I--what do I put out?
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I don't know what to do."
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So my friend goes, "Go get some cheese and crackers."
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I go, "Cheese and crackers?"
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I mean, like, I'm seriously living the bachelor life.
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I have sneakers and video games all over my house.
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I don't know what's going on, so I go,
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"What--what kind of cheese?"
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I'm walking into a deli.
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He goes, "Some Brie or something."
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I go, "What is Brie cheese?
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I don't even know what that is."
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So I go-- he goes, "I got to go."
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So I'm going, and I go, "Do you have Brie cheese?"
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I really don't know what it is.
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So I get a thing of-- I go to this aisle,
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I get Brie cheese and saltine crackers, and--
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[laughter]
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And I go, and I--
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I don't know anything about cheese and crackers.
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I don't even have a cracker plate.
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So I put the cheese on a normal dinner plate,
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and I had the saltines, but I-- I'll never forget this--
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- Saltines.
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- I peeled it back almost like a disco '70s shirt
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where you just-- I peeled it back
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so it was kind of a little showy,
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a little glamorous, and like--
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- It was still in the sleeve? - Yeah, yeah.
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Still in the sleeve. [both laugh]
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And I feathered out the crackers so it was classy.
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And-- and I totally remember this.
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And so Nicole Kidman's coming on my show,
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and I called my friend, and I go,
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"Dude, Nicole Kidman's coming on.
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"You remember when you brought her to my house,
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and I was so embarrassed, and I had"--
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And he goes--he goes, "Yeah, yeah.
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That'll be fun. Tell her I said hi."
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I go, "Great." She's so nice.
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Comes on, I'm telling this story
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just like this, and she goes,
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"The reason why I was there wasn't because
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I wanted you for the movie."
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I go, "Huh?"
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She goes, "No, I liked you," or something.
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And I was like, "Wait, what happened?
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Wait, wait, wait." [laughter]
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"Wait, did I-- are you saying that we--
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we basically-- we went on a date?"
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And then she goes, "Yeah, it was terrible."
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[laughter] And I go, "Oh, my gosh."
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And so I'm starting to get red,
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because I was ready to tell my embarrassing story,
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but then it got a little bit too real.
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She's like, "Then you started playing video games."
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And so I go, "All right, now--
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now you're getting a little bit too close to the bone."
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Like, now it's like--yeah. But it all worked out.
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She's obviously happy with Keith Urban,
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and I'm lucky-- I lucked out.
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I have the best wife in the whole wide world.
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I love her.