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  • Okay. So, if that really was flirting

  • then there are two options here.

  • One,

  • my immoral, jerkface, possible kidnapper roommate has a crush on me and is giving me presents.

  • Or two,

  • my immoral, jerkface, possible kidnapper roommate is pretending to have a crush on me and is giving me gifts

  • because I’m next.

  • Heugh!

  • [takes charm off, shoves it under mattress. Reconsiders, then shoves it under Carmilla’s mattress]

  • There.

  • [LaFontaine in doorway]

  • Hey.

  • We lost her at the Shunde house again.

  • I swear I knocked on every stall of the ladies’. I’m developing a reputation.

  • Geez, frosh. What contaminated your control samples?

  • Oh, you know. I miss my dad.

  • I have papers due.

  • I’m about to be my roommate’s next victim.

  • You really think youre in the crosshairs?

  • I don't know.

  • Even if I am, what am I supposed to do about it?

  • I showed Perry footage of Carmilla lifting, like, a 400 pound duffel bag

  • and Perry suggested Carm must really be giving it her all at bootcamp.

  • Yeah. Perr likes normal.

  • She’s been that way since we were kids.

  • She used to play monsters, and she’d pretend to be the monster mommy.

  • And wouldn’t it be nice if we brushed our monster teeth and did our monster homework?

  • [chuckles]

  • We could go over Perry’s head.

  • To whom?

  • Well, there’s at least one other person we know who has a vested interest in reigning Carmilla in.

  • Are you suggesting

  • That you shower, change into your best cub reporter duds,

  • we crash the Faculty Club, and present your evidence to the dean?

  • The dean?

  • Aren’t we supposed to be avoiding her at all costs?

  • Desperate times, desperate measures.

  • Come on. Let’s get you changed into something with a little less whiff.

  • Are you saying that I smell?

  • I’m saying that I don’t want the way you smell to affect my credibility with the dean.

  • I’ve got a couple of theories to run by her about the swim team

  • You shouldve never gone out that late!

  • I know.

  • And without telling anyone!

  • I know!

  • Were sorry, were sorry!

  • For everyone just catching up at home, it’s been an

  • exciting evening.

  • LaFontaine and I crashed the Faculty Club.

  • Brilliantly disguised as a young visiting professor and research assistant.

  • Sadly, our cover was blown before we could get to the dean

  • because somebody decided to get into an argument with the head of gnostic mathematics

  • about the longterm strategic plan for the Illuminati.

  • It was a chance to raise awareness.

  • But as we were being bodily dragged from the Club, I snatched victory from the jaws of total failure

  • by snatching this [holds up photo] off the wall.

  • This is the dean’s special council meeting in 1954. So,

  • is that Carmilla’s grandmother, great aunt…? There’s no names on the back of the photo.

  • But there was one way to find out

  • Oh, sure.

  • You know, tell it like this insane plan that the pair of you hatched was the next logical step.

  • You know what this girl did? At 6:48 PM? These two geniuses decided to hit up the library.

  • Which I admit, in retrospect, was not the most brilliant idea.

  • [Perry hands her hot chocolate]

  • Thanks.

  • Everything in your fridge is made of glucose and palm oil. I’m surprised you don’t have scurvy.

  • I know, but delicious cookies?

  • Everything was fine! At first

  • As soon as we got there, everyone was leaving the buildingAnd yes, as the sun went down, we started to hear something

  • Skittering?

  • Yeah, skittering in the stacks, you know? Just beyond your periphery.

  • But we made it into the first subbasement just fine.

  • The online system was really helpful.

  • It gave us a cross reference before I even started typing.

  • So we found most of the textbooks before, uh, between 19—

  • Before you realized the staircase wasn’t in the same place anymore?

  • Before we realized we might have gotten a little turned around.

  • [Laura looks back at Danny, who’s glaring at her]

  • And that most of the computer monitors we could see were warning us toRun. Run now”.

  • And the skittering was getting closer.

  • Which is when it became apparent that some of the books were, well, airborne.

  • Aaaand that the card catalogue was attacking us.

  • A copy of Absalom, Absalom! tried to slice open my left wrist. Ruined Faulkner for me.

  • So, we did what any normal person would do if they were caught in a flying vortex of modern literature

  • and index cards from the 1970s.

  • We created a flamethrower using a lighter and some mace Laura’s dad gave her.

  • Which left us trapped in a flaming vortex.

  • I get a text that says "Come quick. Stuck in library. Bring fire extinguisher."

  • Okay, yes, but it turned out fine. The sprinklers came on and we snuck out a basement window.

  • Oh, yeah, with god knows what on your heels

  • Okay, yes! It was stupid, and were lucky that you didn’t have to save our souls.

  • Now, can we please skip to the part where once every twenty years, like clockwork, this girl shows up at Silas.

  • [Photos of Carmilla throughout time]

  • Mircalla Karnstein.

  • Arcillma Karnstein.

  • MircallaUgh,

  • seriously, she just keeps on switching around the letters in her name like nobody’s ever heard of an anagram.

  • And every time she does, a bunch of girls go missing.

  • Poof. Vanish. Never seen again.

  • I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but she’s nocturnal. She’s so strong.

  • She’s at least 80 years old and she drinks blood.

  • Well, yeah. We know she’s a vampire. I mean, weve known that since the blood in the milk container, right?

  • Vampire, vampire, vampire, yeah?

Okay. So, if that really was flirting

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B1 US carmilla dean perry vampire roommate immoral

Carmilla | Episode 14 | Based on the J. Sheridan Le Fanu Novella

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    Casandra Huang posted on 2015/02/09
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