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  • Good evening.

  • Danny had to hit an emergency Summer Society meeting, so it’s just me today.

  • And I know that some of you watching think that were overreacting,

  • but youve got to admit it looks pretty hinky.

  • The under the sea party.

  • And yes, that is Sarah Jane dancing with a gentleman who apparently thought a shirt didn’t go with his seahorse crown.

  • But the interesting thing is about five feet behind them where Carmilla is at a swim team party.

  • This,

  • is...

  • the psychology wine and cheese.

  • So what the hell is a third year philosophy dilettante doing there,

  • giving Natalie the stalkerest-y stalker eyes ever?

  • And then, there is the nail in the proverbial coffin:

  • Carmilla talking to, possibly even arguing with,

  • Elsie.

  • Or as you may remember her:

  • [Flashback]

  • study buddy.

  • I may have no idea what’s going on here,

  • but it seems pretty damn clear that my sleeps all day, chocolate pinching replacement roommate

  • is up to her ultra thick eyeliner in it.

  • And if she is, well,

  • confronting her has historically been about as effective as using bug spray on Voldemort.

  • [Flashback]

  • [Hits Kirsch] Maybe I just don’t enjoy being hauled in front of the dean because of your ridiculous [hits Kirsch] project.

  • Oooookay.

  • So,

  • So, do I start not just surveilling her but actively investigating my own roommate,

  • completely disregarding anything like interpersonal boundaries and essentially stalking her?

  • We started yesterday.

  • And the best part is,

  • she’s too lazy to even watch these videos, so I can keep you guys in the loop and shell never even know.

  • [Cheesy electronic music]

  • Or if she is watching, then shell have to confront me.

  • [faint sounds of an angry mob]

  • What the..?

  • [Danny runs in and locks the door behind her]

  • Are you okay?

  • Did they try to get in?

  • Who arethey”?

  • The Zetas.

  • They were trying to walk the women’s swim team home from the gym, but then one of the girls called us for help.

  • But then someone shoved someone, and now it’s turned into this big turf war

  • over wholl protect the gym or the track

  • or who knows what else! I didn’t know if it made it this far. I had to know if you were okay.

  • Oh, wow. That’s… Why are you wearing warpaint?

  • [Knocking at the door]

  • Hey, little nerd! Laura! Are you in there?

  • Oh, youve got to be kidding me.

  • Laura? Laura! What are you doing?!

  • It’s only Kirsch! [opens door] Were fine.

  • I was really worried about you because

  • [Danny grabs his ear and drags him to the bed]

  • Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

  • Danny, geez!

  • Come on! Why are the hotties in this room always trying to hurt me?!

  • Karma?

  • Uncool, Summer Psycho. Not Mark of Kingsberry rules.

  • That’s boxing, dumbass.

  • I can’t believe you let him in here. For all you know, he was trying to take this dorm for the Zetas!

  • Hey, were just trying to protect hot people.

  • The only threat to the girls in this dorm are you and your fratdaddy frats.

  • Okay, maybe we should just

  • That is unfair.

  • Okcause I’m here out of the, like, bro-ness of my heart, alright?

  • I’m not even trying to hook upcause I got a girlfriend, alright?

  • So why is everyone so pissed at us because were trying to keep the campus safe?

  • Because safe for you goons does not mean safe for everyone else!

  • Okay, no, no, seriously

  • If you weren’t such a hottie, you’d be in big, big trouble.

  • [Pushes Kirsch onto the bed]

  • [Raises fists] Bring it, popped collar.

  • Okay! Stop it! Stop it, both of you!

  • I get it. You both wanna protect the campus.

  • So, has it even occurred to you that while youre duking it out,

  • nobody is actually out there protecting anybody at all?!

  • But he’s the one who started

  • He started it?! Really?!

  • We totally didn’t start it!

  • Not helping!

  • All I’m saying is that the actually useful thing to do might be to skip the smackdown in the middle of my bedroom

  • and go talk some sense into the idiots setting fire to security carts over who gets to protect people.

  • I knew from the first day of English Lit that you were smart. [to Danny] She is so smart.

  • Yes, she is.

  • And a hottie. That’s—

  • Aaaaand it’s time for you to go now.

  • [Danny pushes Kirsch out the door]

  • Laura, are you sure youre gonna be okay by yourself?

  • Im fine.

  • Besides, she doesn’t know that I know anything. I should be worried about you, turf war and all.

  • Ah, it’s mostly just paintballs and anchovies. I’ll talk them down.

  • Take care!

  • [Danny leaves]

  • Take care? Really?

  • Not that my excruciating awkwardness should even be a blip right now.

  • I’ve got a roommate to surveil.

  • [Turns off lights]

  • [Gets into bed]

  • [Later that night]

  • Okay,

  • there was nothing there.

  • Because I left the stupid camera on and I’ve looked through all the surveillance

  • There was nothing here.

  • It just seemed so real...

  • Like...

  • that weird moment of clarity during magic hour or

  • the moment right before a car crash.

  • I was in my room and there was something in my bed. Something under my bed.

  • This dark, prowling thing without a face.

  • And then it was this little girl crying.

  • I tried to pull the blankets over my face to hide

  • but the darkness started seeping through them like blood, more and more, until I was drowning in it.

  • [Scuttling noises, Laura turns]

Good evening.

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B2 US ow ow ow danny laura bed roommate

Carmilla | Episode 12 | Based on the J. Sheridan Le Fanu Novella

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    Casandra Huang posted on 2015/02/09
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