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  • [theme song]

  • -Yo, Berti.

  • Slumming it with rest of us?

  • -I'm conducting a sweep for insurgents.

  • Anyone intending to harm Vlad must get past me first.

  • -Are you checking under his bed for monsters as well?

  • You into antiques now?

  • -Smoke is the enemy of the shapeshifter.

  • Reveals their true form.

  • But then you already knew that.

  • -I'll take your word for it.

  • I'm telling you, he thinks I'm the shapeshifter.

  • Bertrand's onto us.

  • -Then we will have to neutralize him.

  • But if you had killed Vlad when you had the chance,

  • the Count would have accepted you as his heir.

  • -I'm sorry.

  • -You sound like that feeble brother of yours.

  • -I'm nothing like him.

  • -Prove it.

  • Make the Count see what he's been

  • missing in a son all these years.

  • -He barely notices I'm there half the time.

  • -Nothing like a near-death experience

  • to sharpen the senses.

  • -What are you going to do?

  • [laughter]

  • -Give Bertrand to me.

  • -No.

  • But why-- why would anyone want to steal lead from the roof?

  • -Well, sign of the times, I suppose.

  • Probably already been sold to the scrap merchants.

  • Perhaps Vlad's students might be able to shed some light.

  • -Well, I sincerely hope you're not accusing his charges.

  • -Of course not.

  • The work you do with them is nothing short of amazing.

  • -Hm.

  • -But then, old habits die hard.

  • -Yes, I'll take your word for it.

  • What's this?

  • -A purchase order for the repairs.

  • We'll need to start work as soon as possible.

  • -Leave it with me.

  • -There's something I've got to tell you about Erin.

  • She's bit a breather.

  • -Erin bit a breather?

  • -Yeah.

  • We've got witnesses.

  • -No one can find out about this.

  • -What do you suggest then?

  • A cover up?

  • -We both know she's doing this to get back at me.

  • The Coexistence Deal hangs by a thread.

  • Everything we've worked for.

  • -Do you want me to talk to her or--

  • -She's one of us now.

  • I'll talk to her.

  • -And what if she won't listen?

  • -She has no choice.

  • Ugh, whatever it is, I don't have the time.

  • -Then make time.

  • Those little weasels have been running amok for far too long.

  • -I can't right now.

  • I've got things to do.

  • -Like what?

  • Teaching your little groupies peace and love?

  • -Just get off my case.

  • Jonno.

  • BERTRAND: Well, he's as cool as a cadaver, I'll give him that.

  • -It doesn't give you the right to look through his things.

  • -Something will prove his connection

  • with the shapeshifter.

  • -Like the last time you found proof

  • before it miraculously disappeared?

  • -Why do you think you're here?

  • If I do find something, I'll have you as a witness.

  • -I so don't care about your conspiracy theories.

  • -Even if it leads me to Ryan's killer?

  • -What have you find?

  • -I don't know yet.

  • "My darling Malik Hellfire Vaccaria.

  • Love, Mum."

  • -Could you excuse us for a minute?

  • -Whatever you need to say, you can

  • say it in front of Bertrand.

  • -What are you playing at?

  • Biting a breather?

  • -You're hardly in a position to take

  • the moral high ground with me.

  • -The Coexistence Deal will be adhered to.

  • No one, including you, especially you, is exempt.

  • -Or what?

  • You'll ash me?

  • -This is your first and last warning.

  • -So masterful.

  • I'm quaking.

  • -There's holes in this one too.

  • -And this one.

  • -We'll have breathers crawling all over the roof at this rate.

  • -Right, Renfield, you'll have to carry out the repairs.

  • -But Master, my-- my vertigo.

  • I-- I get dizzy standing on a chair.

  • -Well then, it's time to overcome your fears.

  • Now make yourself useful.

  • -Yeah, but what if I fall off the roof?

  • -One lives in hope.

  • -What are you waiting for?

  • Buckle up.

  • -Blood and garlic, they've really had a go at this one.

  • -Buckle up.

  • -Dad, your coats covered in--

  • -Get back.

  • And I do wish you'd stop calling me that.

  • -Sorry.

  • -Careful.

  • Unless you want to be barbecued.

  • On second thought.

  • -Move.

  • Right.

  • -What is all this stuff anyway?

  • -Usual junk.

  • Furniture heirlooms, priceless Carpathian artwork.

  • -A bicycle?

  • -Ah.

  • Your mother's get fit phase.

  • -Right.

  • Well, I'm not wasting my time up here,

  • and I'm certainly not standing anywhere near Renfield

  • with a hammer in his hand.

  • It won't budge.

  • -Give it some welly.

  • -All yours.

  • -Elizabeta.

  • -What's that?

  • -Hm?

  • Oh, this old thing.

  • Painted for our blood union.

  • -It looks nothing like Mum.

  • -The artist was very cheap, very cheap indeed.

  • -Yeah, that's stuck.

  • -Right.

  • Move.

  • Then we'll just have to go old school

  • -Haven't you mastered walking through walls yet?

  • -It's been lined with lead.

  • I haven't seen this since on of the Van Helsings tried

  • to incarcerate me in a lead-lined coffin.

  • -Even your powers of telepathy won't

  • penetrate through that lock.

  • -There is one thing we haven't tried.

  • -What?

  • -Help!

  • Help!

  • Help!

  • [pounding]

  • INGRID: Help!

  • MALIK: Help!

  • Help!

  • COUNT DRACULA: Help!

  • Help!

  • INGRID: Help!

  • -Hello?

  • -Shh, shh.

  • Renfield, is that you?

  • -Come again?

  • -It's me, your lord and master.

  • We're-- we're trapped.

  • You need to let us out of here.

  • -You're eating lettuce and a beer?

  • -No, no, no!

  • You must find a key.

  • -You're feeling achy?

  • -A key!

  • Simpleton.

  • A key!

  • -I'm surprised.

  • Beer and lettuce.

  • [inaudible]

  • I'll let you sleep it off.

  • -No, no, no, Ren-- oh.

  • -Vaccaria.

  • Vaccaria.

  • Elizabeta Vaccaria.

  • Look.

  • See for yourself.

  • -What?

  • -There-- Elizabeta Vaccaria.

  • She's Malik's mother.

  • She's still alive.

  • Her birth is written, but there's no date of death.

  • Malik's lying.

  • -All vampires lie.

  • -And we lie for gain.

  • Have you asked yourself what he's after?

  • -You've got a class to teach.

  • And remember, no biting.

  • -What was that about?

  • -Vlad can't see what's right in front of his face.

  • -Malik?

  • -According to him, his mother was

  • ashed during the uprisings of 1882.

  • But she wasn't there.

  • -How do you know?

  • -She was studying in Kerala on the other side of the world.

  • A pupil of Daralam.

  • -Who's Daralam?

  • -The only vampire to teach the dark arts of shapeshifting.

  • -Mrs. Van Helsing, thank you for seeing me.

  • -We don't get many house calls from your kind.

  • -So now you know how grave this situation has become.

  • -Well, you're the mind-reader, not me.

  • -Vlad's no leader.

  • He dithers.

  • He's losing all respect.

  • What he needs is direction.

  • -What he needs comes in nine inches of sustainable oak.

  • -If we don't intervene, then the Coexistence Deal will collapse.

  • -We?

  • Slayers and vampires?

  • -Your son is prepared to give up his life

  • so that we can live in harmony.

  • He'll never forgive you.

  • -Do you seriously expect me to sit down with Adze?

  • -Would you rather she had sole influence over Vlad?

  • -No.

  • -Then take the meeting with him for all our sakes.

  • If you won't do it for me, then do it for Jonno.

  • -Do you think I was born yesterday?

  • It's a trap.

  • -So bring some insurance.

  • -What time?

  • -Half 11.

  • -I'll be there.

  • -It's Vlad.

  • He's not coping.

  • The responsibility, it's too much.

  • [laughter]

  • -My cold dead heart bleeds.

  • -I appreciate you're hurt.

  • -I never loved Vlad.

  • I was only ever interested in the power

  • that he could give me.

  • -Why do you think I'm here?

  • -Good question.

  • You disapproved of my union with Vlad.

  • What's changed?

  • -I realized I was wrong.

  • -A vampire showing humility?

  • Now I've seen it all.

  • -I was naive to believe in Vlad's Coexistence Deal.

  • As if vampires and breathers can live in harmony.

  • -Speaking of which, how's Erin?

  • -Dead.

  • Food for worms.

  • -Vlad didn't save her?

  • I was sure he would.

  • -He's still not yet bitten.

  • And once he does--

  • -Whoever receives it will receive his power.

  • -Vlad's first bite is yours for the taking.

  • -Vlad wouldn't go anywhere near me.