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  • From the studio behind the animated classics that defined a generation

  • and the bloated gritty live action reboot that defined *this* generation...

  • comes another Disney cash grab that will ruin everything you love about another childhood

  • classic.

  • Maley-fishent.

  • Male-Ficent.

  • Malayfickent.

  • Screw it.

  • Sleeping Beauty.

  • Two giant cheekbones star in the modern retelling of Sleeping

  • Beauty,

  • this time from the villain's perspective

  • where the character you loved for being pure evil and turning into an awesome dragon

  • is no longer evil?

  • and doesn't even turn a dragon?

  • Why is he the dragon?

  • You had ONE job, Disney.

  • Instead, watch as the sorceress whose name literally means " evil"

  • mildly punks people,

  • feels sorry,

  • "You stole what was left of my heart and now I've lost you forever."

  • and is only mean because she was roofied and mutilated by her childhood love.

  • Ugh.

  • Have fun explaining that to your kids.

  • Watch everything scary and fun about Maleficent get neutered by

  • the same thing that neutered Darth Vader...

  • Backstory.

  • "Nooooo!"

  • Where you'll learn the answers to questions you never had, like...

  • What if Maleficent grew up in a low-rent Avatar rip-off?

  • What if the original was full of generic CGI battle scenes?

  • Was Maleficent's pet crow actually a human slave?

  • Where did her stick come from?

  • And did Maleficent spend most of her time creepily watching Sleeping Beauty grow up

  • from a few feet away?

  • Yes. She did, apparently.

  • "I hate you."

  • But it's not just the Angelina Jolie show...

  • Instead, spend time with one-dimensional caricatures like

  • The Mean King

  • The Handsome Prince

  • The Cute Princess

  • And the three fairies you love from the original

  • who are now three hideous idiots whose stupidity borders on child abuse.

  • "Oh look! The little beast is about to fall off the cliff!"

  • Way to f*** up fairies, Disney!

  • So experience a more modern take on Sleeping Beauty

  • Where we learn the most important lesson of all:

  • if your movie comes out after Frozen

  • "An act of true love."

  • "True love's kiss!"

  • true love only exists between two girls.

  • Awww yeah.

  • Starring...

  • You Know Nothing, Jon Crow

  • Huey, Dewey, and Louie

  • Groots

  • Harry Styles

  • Areola

  • Prawn King

  • and How Jennifer Aniston Sees Angelina Jolie

  • Sleeping Beauty: The Bad One.

  • We're gonna be honest:

  • this wasn't our best trailer, but this wasn't Disney's best movie either.

  • Next week's will be WAY better. Trust us.

From the studio behind the animated classics that defined a generation

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B2 US sleeping beauty sleeping beauty true love dragon love

Honest Trailers - Maleficent

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    ray posted on 2015/02/06
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