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  • [theme music]

  • [banging]

  • -You're getting sloppy.

  • -Vlad!

  • Where have you been?

  • -Not important.

  • We've got a full night's work to do.

  • -Hold on.

  • You should let the Count know you're back.

  • -Later.

  • When I rule the vampire clans, I'm going to need an edge.

  • I need to know their histories, their traditions, and most

  • importantly, their dark secrets.

  • -But the Praedictum Impaver is blank.

  • Without that wisdom, how are you going to lead them?

  • -My darker side's part of me now.

  • My powers are honed, and I'm ready to rule.

  • I write my own destiny.

  • -And how do you see that?

  • Still think humans and vampires can live in harmony?

  • -(CHUCKLING) Don't worry, I've seen the light.

  • Of all the clans, the Baraque worry me the most.

  • They're highly respected and hold great influence.

  • If they go against me.

  • We have to maintain order.

  • RENFIELD: They do have a weakness.

  • During the East Blood War, they secretly betrayed their allies

  • in return for leverage in the new co--

  • THE COUNT: Renfield!

  • Where's my fang floss?

  • You're back!

  • Why wasn't I informed?

  • -We've been busy.

  • THE COUNT: I've been worried.

  • I'm sure if my heart wasn't as unforgiving as tempered steel,

  • there would be a tear in my eye.

  • -No need to worry.

  • I'm fine.

  • -Tell me all about your adventures.

  • I insist Renfield prepare something edible!

  • -Sorry, dad.

  • But I want to do some work with Bertrand before school.

  • -Surely, you're not going to bother with school?

  • -Well, it's important to keep up pretense.

  • -W-well, well, let me help.

  • What are you doing?

  • -We're studying vampire clans.

  • -Excellent!

  • I could tell you some wonderful stories.

  • I don't want stories.

  • I want facts, and Bertrand knows those.

  • -Right.

  • I'll leave you to it, then.

  • [door slams]

  • -Let's go.

  • ERIN: First up, double maths.

  • INGRID: You really have to learn to take

  • challenges in your stride.

  • I could teach you some coping mechanisms, if you like?

  • -Ingrid, he's back!

  • -When did you get here?

  • -Last night.

  • -And you didn't think to come and see me?

  • VLAD: It's been hectic.

  • -Vlad.

  • -Wha-- you don't do hugs.

  • -I've changed.

  • -Apparently.

  • -When you left me to burn in the sunlight, I hit rock bottom.

  • In therapy, I realized that I have

  • to be satisfied with who I am and not envy other people.

  • I think you're going to make a great leader.

  • -I've only been gone a week, right?

  • Slayer.

  • -Who's that?

  • -Jonathan Van Helsing.

  • He's from a family of pathetic slayers--

  • or was-- until Vlad mind wiped him to forget all

  • about the existence of vampires.

  • -And has it worn off?

  • INGRID: Vlad's about to find out.

  • [class bell ringing]

  • -Hi.

  • -Vlad!

  • JONATHAN VAN HELSING: This is mad!

  • You go to this school?

  • I don't believe this.

  • -So what are you doing here?

  • -Uh, my mom landed a job with the local Education Authority.

  • She had to see Miss McCauley.

  • Seen as we're relocating, I thought

  • I'd check out the sixth form.

  • -Hm, total coincidence then.

  • -Total.

  • Why did you leave Stokely in such a rush?

  • I mean, one minute you was there, and the next--

  • -[inaudible] dad.

  • You remember what he was like, don't you?

  • -Who could forget?

  • Bonkers!

  • -Mm.

  • JONATHAN VAN HELSING: Good laugh, though.

  • -That's him.

  • -Oh, oh-- a bit awkward.

  • -Why awkward?

  • [sigh]

  • -Same old Ingrid, still in denial.

  • Look, I'm putting up my hands.

  • I shouldn't have talked to you the way I did.

  • -Had a good look around?

  • -Uh, yeah.

  • -Your mom's waiting for you in my office.

  • -Great.

  • Catch you later.

  • -Why does that insect think we were an item?

  • -I always thought you'd make a great couple.

  • -Curse those Van Helsings!

  • There's only one way to deal with slayers!

  • -Wipe them out.

  • -Ah!

  • -I agree, but it could be a trick.

  • There could be an advanced guard spying

  • on us for the Slayers Guild.

  • -And how do we find that out?

  • -Test if their mind wipes are still intact.

  • -Well, there's definitely something wrong with Jonno's.

  • I'd never have that creep as a boyfriend.

  • BERTRAND: It's common for victims of mind wipes

  • to make up memories-- helps fill the gaps.

  • [knock on door]

  • -If the Van Helsings were coming to slay us,

  • I don't think they'd knock first.

  • Do you?

  • -Well, no.

  • Enter.

  • -Morning.

  • Here's an old friend of yours.

  • -I couldn't believe it when Jonno told me.

  • Mr. Count!

  • I'm flattered.

  • VLAD: Hi. MINA VAN HELSING: And Ingrid.

  • INGRID: Hello.

  • MINA VAN HELSING: Oh, it's so lovely to see you all.

  • VLAD: Yeah, yeah.

  • - So, governor of a school.

  • I always said you should work with children.

  • THE COUNT: How very kind.

  • You're looking lovely, as always.

  • -(LAUGHING): He's still a charmer.

  • -That hasn't changed.

  • -So, how's that husband of yours?

  • -I'm afraid Eric was killed in an accident.

  • -Really?

  • How--

  • ---tragic.

  • -Yes, of course, tragic.

  • -Those memories of us all back in Stokely, you know,

  • they really kept us going.

  • You know, the line dancing and the Valentine's party.

  • The time I came and stayed with you for the weekend.

  • -Good times.

  • -Do you know, they really were.

  • -Well, we should be getting on.

  • -Uh, what exactly are you doing today?

  • -I'll be in Miss McCauley's office,

  • working through initiatives that affect the school.

  • -Excellent.

  • -Perhaps see you all later.

  • VLAD: Yeah.

  • Bye.

  • -Well, she didn't come to stay for the weekend!

  • I had her chained up in a dungeon!

  • -She was totally at ease with us.

  • Her heart didn't miss a beat.

  • -But they still need to be tested.

  • I need you to go along with Jonno's imaginary romance.

  • Use your time together to put his mind wipe under pressure.

  • Make sure he's not faking it.

  • -If that's what you want.

  • -It is.

  • -I'll do it.

  • Cross my cold, dead heart.

  • I'm a team player now.

  • -Mm.

  • -And dad--

  • -Mm?

  • -Stay away from Mina.

  • I know what a weakness you have for the necks

  • of beautiful women, but it's vital you

  • all do exactly what I say.

  • Do you understand?

  • RENFIELD AND INGRID: Yes.

  • -Didn't hear you, dad.

  • -Yes, Vlad, I understand.

  • -Thank you.

  • -How did it go?

  • -They think we're harmless.

  • -Big mistake.

  • [growling]

  • MINA VAN HELSING: Four versus two.

  • Doesn't seem fair?

  • -Ugh, the way the Count looks at me

  • makes me want to drive a stake into his heart.

  • -It's just one day.

  • Once I've got the layout of the Draculas' quarters

  • and you've worked out the size of the nest in the school,

  • we're out of here.

  • -Please be careful.

  • I lost your dad to vampires.

  • I don't want to lose you, too.

  • -Don't fuss.

  • -They'll try and test your mind wipe

  • if you see any vampire stuff.

  • -I know what to do.

  • I'm a trained slayer at the top of my game.

  • JONATHAN VAN HELSING: I remembered how much

  • you liked little, fluffy bunnies.

  • -What a good memory you've got.

  • -Always pretending you're so tough,

  • when inside, you're just a big old softie.

  • Miss me?

  • Of course, you have.

  • I still get choked when I remember you begging me not

  • to end it at the castle at Stokely.

  • -I don't think I actually begged.

  • -Well, you did-- on your knees.

  • -Well, I've moved on now.

  • -You've matured.

  • We both have.

  • That's why I want to give us another go.

  • Why not?

  • -I see you guys have picked up where you left off.

  • JONATHAN VAN HELSING: Do you fancy a walk?

  • It's a lovely day.

  • -I don't really do this, um--

  • -You always try to get out.

  • INGRID: Not anymore.

  • Pale and interesting, that's me.

  • JONATHAN VAN HELSING: Hmph, well there

  • must be somewhere we can hang out.

  • Why don't you show me where you live?

  • -Oh, I don't think so.

  • VLAD: No, good idea.

  • Maybe seeing some of her old stuff

  • might bring back some memories.

  • -Great.

  • -I'll catch you up.

  • I won't be a minute.

  • -If Ingrid's testing Jonno, shouldn't

  • someone be doing the same to me?

  • -No.

  • We're all sorted.

  • Dad won't be able to resist biting

  • Mina and I avoid the moffer.

  • And if she's a slayer, she won't be

  • able to pass up the opportunity to stake him.

  • -My dear Mina, I'll be delighted if you'd join me for some tea.

  • -That would be lovely, Mr. Count.

  • But I'm afraid I'm far too busy.

  • -Well, I'm sure you could spare 15