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  • [opening theme]

  • -Help!

  • Somebody help me!

  • That-- You saved me.

  • -Vlad.

  • What's put that smile on your face?

  • -You shouldn't creep up on people like that.

  • BERTRAND: What's the problem?

  • -Nothing.

  • We training or what?

  • ERIN (VOICEOVER): If I could wipe out the bloodline that

  • infected you, the curse will be lifted.

  • RYAN (VOICEOVER): I was bitten.

  • We both know what that means.

  • And when the time comes, you know what has to be done.

  • -I told you.

  • I'm going to kill you.

  • If I can wipe out the bloodline that infected you,

  • the curse will be lifted.

  • RYAN (VOICEOVER): Did you do it?

  • Did you stake Ingrid?

  • -She's a monster.

  • She's not human.

  • I couldn't.

  • I'm so sorry.

  • RYAN (VOICEOVER): Think of me as one of them now.

  • I'm too dangerous to be around.

  • -I'll save you, I promise.

  • -I'll catch you up.

  • [knock on door]

  • VLAD: Can I come in?

  • What's wrong?

  • Is it this place?

  • I know it's not exactly homely.

  • We can customize your coffin, if that would help.

  • -It wouldn't.

  • -Then what is it?

  • You can talk to me.

  • -No, I can't.

  • Leave me alone.

  • Please.

  • [knock on door]

  • Come in.

  • What's that?

  • -Mr. Cuddles the Second.

  • -The Second?

  • -Mr. Cuddles the First had an unfortunate accident.

  • -Vladimir!

  • [scream]

  • What is this thing?

  • -That thing?

  • Never seen it before in my life.

  • Oh, Mr. Cuddles!

  • -Oh, so it's Mr. Cuddles now, is it?

  • -I don't normally sleep with him, obviously.

  • -Oh, was poor little Vladdie Waddie lonely?

  • You're supposed to be my son and heir.

  • -Yeah, well, I never chose to be, did I?

  • -Rise.

  • Now.

  • -Take it out on the monkey, why don't you?

  • Lock up your teddies, they'll be scared of you now.

  • -Oh, it was a million years ago.

  • -A million years?

  • -10.

  • 5.

  • 4.

  • -A vampire with a teddy bear?

  • -Come along, Renfield.

  • Work to be done.

  • Not you, you little furball.

  • Go, go, go.

  • Go to Ingrid.

  • Go on.

  • Shoo.

  • Shoo.

  • -Why do I have to look after him?

  • -He's your half-brother.

  • -From a mother I want nothing to do with.

  • -You wanted to take him in.

  • -So Vlad's training means he's exempt, and because I'm female,

  • I get to be the dog-minder.

  • -Exactly-- oh, you're being sarcastic.

  • -I hadn't even started yet.

  • -Renfield.

  • -He's pretty much the only thing I managed to save from Stokley.

  • -You miss that place, don't you?

  • -I had a life there.

  • I had friends.

  • Well, one friend.

  • -Another vampire?

  • -No.

  • He was normal.

  • -What are you doing?

  • -Aren't you going to bite me?

  • -Bite you?

  • Why would I want to bite you?

  • -You can if you want.

  • -No.

  • -So I'm not good enough because I'm not a vampire.

  • Checkmate.

  • Who's the loser?

  • Who's the loser?

  • Go, loser.

  • Go, loser.

  • Go, loser.

  • -Just because you aren't a vampire, doesn't mean you

  • can't be evil.

  • -Thanks, Vlad.

  • You're my best mate, you know that, don't you?

  • -Robin, I'm your only mate.

  • -Exactly.

  • -OK.

  • He wasn't normal, but I still miss him.

  • -Why did you leave?

  • -After what Ingrid did, we had no choice.

  • -Is he-- is he dead?

  • -I don't know.

  • And I don't care.

  • -He's your brother.

  • You must help him.

  • -I'll decide what I must do.

  • From now on, you will call me Countess Dracula.

  • -If we didn't escape when we did, she woud've kill us.

  • -Your sister wrecked your life.

  • -It's kind of her thing.

  • -But you saved her from the slayers and let her move in.

  • -She's my sister.

  • Do you have any brothers or sisters?

  • -A brother.

  • -Does he know--

  • -Yeah, he-- he didn't take it very well.

  • -Nobody ever does.

  • -The idea of turning into a vampire-- he

  • couldn't handle it.

  • It drove us apart.

  • -Where is he now?

  • -I don't know.

  • He won't tell me.

  • -It's probably for the best for both of you.

  • He'll reject you.

  • Maybe even try to slay you.

  • He's better off remembering you as you were.

  • -So that's it?

  • Once you're a vampire, you're cut off

  • from your friends and family for-- forever?

  • For eternity?

  • -You're not alone.

  • You've got me.

  • I mean, us.

  • -What's she doing here?

  • -I've asked Erin to stay with us.

  • -This half-fang-- why?

  • -She saved Ingrid's life.

  • -You're really not selling her.

  • -She's staying whether you like it or not.

  • -My castle, my rules.

  • -To the left.

  • Left, not backwards, you imbecile.

  • -Yes, yes, sir.

  • -Mr. Count.

  • What are you doing?

  • -Oh, deciding where my statue should stand.

  • -A statute?

  • A statue of you?

  • -Mm.

  • -How big is this thing going to be?

  • -Well, I thought so high?

  • I'm not sure if I'd look best cast from bronze,

  • or chiseled from stone.

  • What do you think?

  • -I think we need school computers.

  • -We're not wasting money on some passing fad.

  • This statue will be a timeless masterpiece.

  • Oh, Wolfie, leave that.

  • Bad boy.

  • I think he likes you.

  • -How old is he?

  • -In human or dog years?

  • -You're not fooling anybody.

  • -What do you mean?

  • -Beneath that stern exterior, you're just a big softy.

  • Not many men would take in their ex's son.

  • You must have a good heart.

  • -And so do you.

  • 65 strong, healthy beats per minute.

  • 68.

  • -Well, I'll leave you to your timeless masterpiece.

  • -The cheeckbones should be more defined, the jaw squarer.

  • [squeaking]

  • Make it more imposing.

  • [squeaking]

  • I want this statue to strike fear

  • into the hearts of-- Wolfie!

  • Will you stop that?

  • [squeak]

  • -Sorry, Uncle Count.

  • -Don't call me that.

  • I'm not your uncle.

  • Enough!

  • Get out of my sight, you heinous abberation of nature.

  • -Oh, thank you.

  • -No, no, not you.

  • The other one.

  • I'm sending you back to your mother.

  • -Please let me stay.

  • -You've tried my patience enough.

  • I'm going to fill in your travel permit,

  • then you'll be out of my life for good.

  • -Where do you keep the matches?

  • Does it hurt?

  • -What?

  • Oh, the fire thing.

  • No.

  • When your fangs first come through,

  • well, you don't want to know about that.

  • -I do.

  • I need to be prepared.

  • They'll think I'm a newly bitten half-fang.

  • -You can't live with vampires.

  • You're a vegetarian.

  • -And a trained slayer.

  • -With a pulse.

  • -I've been using stasis spray, remember?

  • It blocks out my heartbeat, and my breathing, and my scent.

  • How bad is the change, really?

  • -It's OK.

  • Well, that's the worst of it.

  • But vampire life's not all bad.

  • The speed thing's pretty cool.

  • You can hypnotize people.

  • -Does it work on everyone?

  • -You can't hypnotize people you're in love with,

  • but otherwise, yeah.

  • -Even other vampires?

  • -I'll show you how it's done.

  • You make eye contact, and then you draw them in, freezing them

  • with your gaze, like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

  • And then before you know it, they're--

  • -They're what?

  • Dad?

  • -You've hypnotized him.

  • -No way.

  • -You have.

  • Watch this.

  • Hello.

  • My name's Count Dracula-la-lah!

  • -How did I do that?

  • ROBIN: You are now a true vampire.

  • Ha ha ha!

  • -Can you stop that?

  • It's freaking me out.

  • Vampire's are tough, but breathers are easy.

  • -Have you ever used your powers to get a girl?

  • -It's actually me who lives in a castle.

  • But I'm sure you still want to go out with Robin, so--

  • -Delila.

  • -Hi, Robin.

  • You're dumped.

  • And yes, Vlad.

  • I would love to go to the ball with you.