Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles [opening theme] -Help! Somebody help me! That-- You saved me. -Vlad. What's put that smile on your face? -You shouldn't creep up on people like that. BERTRAND: What's the problem? -Nothing. We training or what? ERIN (VOICEOVER): If I could wipe out the bloodline that infected you, the curse will be lifted. RYAN (VOICEOVER): I was bitten. We both know what that means. And when the time comes, you know what has to be done. -I told you. I'm going to kill you. If I can wipe out the bloodline that infected you, the curse will be lifted. RYAN (VOICEOVER): Did you do it? Did you stake Ingrid? -She's a monster. She's not human. I couldn't. I'm so sorry. RYAN (VOICEOVER): Think of me as one of them now. I'm too dangerous to be around. -I'll save you, I promise. -I'll catch you up. [knock on door] VLAD: Can I come in? What's wrong? Is it this place? I know it's not exactly homely. We can customize your coffin, if that would help. -It wouldn't. -Then what is it? You can talk to me. -No, I can't. Leave me alone. Please. [knock on door] Come in. What's that? -Mr. Cuddles the Second. -The Second? -Mr. Cuddles the First had an unfortunate accident. -Vladimir! [scream] What is this thing? -That thing? Never seen it before in my life. Oh, Mr. Cuddles! -Oh, so it's Mr. Cuddles now, is it? -I don't normally sleep with him, obviously. -Oh, was poor little Vladdie Waddie lonely? You're supposed to be my son and heir. -Yeah, well, I never chose to be, did I? -Rise. Now. -Take it out on the monkey, why don't you? Lock up your teddies, they'll be scared of you now. -Oh, it was a million years ago. -A million years? -10. 5. 4. -A vampire with a teddy bear? -Come along, Renfield. Work to be done. Not you, you little furball. Go, go, go. Go to Ingrid. Go on. Shoo. Shoo. -Why do I have to look after him? -He's your half-brother. -From a mother I want nothing to do with. -You wanted to take him in. -So Vlad's training means he's exempt, and because I'm female, I get to be the dog-minder. -Exactly-- oh, you're being sarcastic. -I hadn't even started yet. -Renfield. -He's pretty much the only thing I managed to save from Stokley. -You miss that place, don't you? -I had a life there. I had friends. Well, one friend. -Another vampire? -No. He was normal. -What are you doing? -Aren't you going to bite me? -Bite you? Why would I want to bite you? -You can if you want. -No. -So I'm not good enough because I'm not a vampire. Checkmate. Who's the loser? Who's the loser? Go, loser. Go, loser. Go, loser. -Just because you aren't a vampire, doesn't mean you can't be evil. -Thanks, Vlad. You're my best mate, you know that, don't you? -Robin, I'm your only mate. -Exactly. -OK. He wasn't normal, but I still miss him. -Why did you leave? -After what Ingrid did, we had no choice. -Is he-- is he dead? -I don't know. And I don't care. -He's your brother. You must help him. -I'll decide what I must do. From now on, you will call me Countess Dracula. -If we didn't escape when we did, she woud've kill us. -Your sister wrecked your life. -It's kind of her thing. -But you saved her from the slayers and let her move in. -She's my sister. Do you have any brothers or sisters? -A brother. -Does he know-- -Yeah, he-- he didn't take it very well. -Nobody ever does. -The idea of turning into a vampire-- he couldn't handle it. It drove us apart. -Where is he now? -I don't know. He won't tell me. -It's probably for the best for both of you. He'll reject you. Maybe even try to slay you. He's better off remembering you as you were. -So that's it? Once you're a vampire, you're cut off from your friends and family for-- forever? For eternity? -You're not alone. You've got me. I mean, us. -What's she doing here? -I've asked Erin to stay with us. -This half-fang-- why? -She saved Ingrid's life. -You're really not selling her. -She's staying whether you like it or not. -My castle, my rules. -To the left. Left, not backwards, you imbecile. -Yes, yes, sir. -Mr. Count. What are you doing? -Oh, deciding where my statue should stand. -A statute? A statue of you? -Mm. -How big is this thing going to be? -Well, I thought so high? I'm not sure if I'd look best cast from bronze, or chiseled from stone. What do you think? -I think we need school computers. -We're not wasting money on some passing fad. This statue will be a timeless masterpiece. Oh, Wolfie, leave that. Bad boy. I think he likes you. -How old is he? -In human or dog years? -You're not fooling anybody. -What do you mean? -Beneath that stern exterior, you're just a big softy. Not many men would take in their ex's son. You must have a good heart. -And so do you. 65 strong, healthy beats per minute. 68. -Well, I'll leave you to your timeless masterpiece. -The cheeckbones should be more defined, the jaw squarer. [squeaking] Make it more imposing. [squeaking] I want this statue to strike fear into the hearts of-- Wolfie! Will you stop that? [squeak] -Sorry, Uncle Count. -Don't call me that. I'm not your uncle. Enough! Get out of my sight, you heinous abberation of nature. -Oh, thank you. -No, no, not you. The other one. I'm sending you back to your mother. -Please let me stay. -You've tried my patience enough. I'm going to fill in your travel permit, then you'll be out of my life for good. -Where do you keep the matches? Does it hurt? -What? Oh, the fire thing. No. When your fangs first come through, well, you don't want to know about that. -I do. I need to be prepared. They'll think I'm a newly bitten half-fang. -You can't live with vampires. You're a vegetarian. -And a trained slayer. -With a pulse. -I've been using stasis spray, remember? It blocks out my heartbeat, and my breathing, and my scent. How bad is the change, really? -It's OK. Well, that's the worst of it. But vampire life's not all bad. The speed thing's pretty cool. You can hypnotize people. -Does it work on everyone? -You can't hypnotize people you're in love with, but otherwise, yeah. -Even other vampires? -I'll show you how it's done. You make eye contact, and then you draw them in, freezing them with your gaze, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. And then before you know it, they're-- -They're what? Dad? -You've hypnotized him. -No way. -You have. Watch this. Hello. My name's Count Dracula-la-lah! -How did I do that? ROBIN: You are now a true vampire. Ha ha ha! -Can you stop that? It's freaking me out. Vampire's are tough, but breathers are easy. -Have you ever used your powers to get a girl? -It's actually me who lives in a castle. But I'm sure you still want to go out with Robin, so-- -Delila. -Hi, Robin. You're dumped. And yes, Vlad. I would love to go to the ball with you.