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  • [music playing]

  • [growling]

  • -I'll show you to your coffin room.

  • -What's she doing here?

  • -I've asked Erin to stay with us.

  • -This half-fang?

  • Why?

  • -She saved Ingrid's life.

  • -You're really not selling her.

  • -She's staying whether you like it or not.

  • -My castle, my rules.

  • [growling]

  • Renfield!

  • Chuck her bag out.

  • -Yes, sir.

  • -Times have changed, and I say Erin stays.

  • -And I say she goes.

  • -Don't I get a vote?

  • -No.

  • -Yes.

  • Listen to Ingrid.

  • -I don't want her.

  • -You don't get a vote.

  • -You can't have two queen bees in a hive.

  • It would be a fight to the death.

  • [coughing]

  • -My money's on the half-fang.

  • -I will not have fighting in this house.

  • Erin is staying, and you two will leave her alone.

  • -Look, I don't want to cause a rift

  • between you and your family.

  • I can look after myself.

  • -Not if the Slayers Guild catch you.

  • Ever since Ingrid's attack on Stokely,

  • they've been staking first and asking questions later.

  • Dad will be fine.

  • At least stay until you get your full powers.

  • There's so much you need to learn.

  • -All right, I'll stay.

  • 'Til I'm ready.

  • Thanks, Vlad.

  • I'll just get the rest of my stuff.

  • -Quickly.

  • That was the last of the serum.

  • -So what now?

  • Can't exactly ask the Slayers Guild for more.

  • We're on our own, Sis.

  • You know what they'd do to me if they knew.

  • -It's OK.

  • I've got a plan.

  • -Does it involve a large wooden pointy thing?

  • We have to talk about this.

  • I was bitten.

  • We both know what that means.

  • And when the time comes, you know what has to be done.

  • -(TEARFULLY) I told you I'm going to cure you.

  • If I can wipe out the bloodline that infected you,

  • the curse will be lifted.

  • -You can't wipe out the Draculas.

  • -Ever since Ingrid bit you, she's

  • been getting weaker and weaker.

  • All I need is one chance to get close to her.

  • -And how do you plan to do that?

  • -They've just invited me to live with them.

  • -You can't live with vampires.

  • You're a vegetarian.

  • -And a trained slayer.

  • -With a pulse.

  • -I've been using stasis spray, remember?

  • It blocks out my heartbeat and my breathing and my scent.

  • They'll think I'm a newly-bitten half-fang.

  • -You can't.

  • -The serum's working.

  • You rest.

  • I'll be OK.

  • I'll let them get used to me.

  • And just when they think they're safe, I'll strike.

  • [choking]

  • VLAD: Ingrid?

  • [vacuum cleaner roaring]

  • -I-- I've never seen anything like this before.

  • I just-- I don't know what to do.

  • -Maybe I can help.

  • I could take care of Ingrid if you'd like me to.

  • -Really?

  • -We need to make her more comfortable.

  • See if you can find whatever us vampires like.

  • -I know this vampire stuff seems strange at first,

  • but you'll get used to it.

  • OK, I'm on it.

  • Thanks, Erin.

  • -She's a vampire.

  • It's not like killing a human.

  • [gasping]

  • -Vlad!

  • -What's wrong?

  • -She's breathing.

  • -Breathing?

  • Ingrid.

  • Ingrid!

  • [choking]

  • [vacuum cleaner roaring]

  • -Her pulse.

  • Dad?

  • Dad!

  • -What now?

  • -Ingrid's getting worse.

  • -Do let me know when she crumbles to dust.

  • -Seriously.

  • She's breathing and she's got a pulse.

  • We need to do something to cool her down.

  • -Looks like an advanced blood infection.

  • It's a temporary thing.

  • All her vampire abilities are shutting down.

  • No, no, no, but this is good news.

  • -What?

  • -It's incurable.

  • She'll be gone within a week.

  • -Oh, but there must be something we can do.

  • -To cure a vampire illness, you'll need a specialist

  • in the dark arts-- an alchemist, someone who's

  • dared to probe into the dark places,

  • no matter how twisted and wrong.

  • -Renfield.

  • He means Renfield.

  • -Sir?

  • -Mistress Ingrid is very ill.

  • -Oh.

  • Would she like a cup of tea?

  • [sighing]

  • -A little bit iller than that.

  • It's a shame.

  • I'm going to have to bring his memory back.

  • -Sir?

  • -Look into my eyes.

  • -I thought you said you couldn't do that.

  • -I lied.

  • When I click my fingers--

  • -For four years, this squeaky-clean

  • imbecile has been tottering around--

  • -Do you want him back or not?

  • You will open your eyes, and you will

  • see things as they really are.

  • And you will remember.

  • -Did it work?

  • -Oh, look!

  • Cockroach.

  • A cockroach!

  • [chortling]

  • -Ugh.

  • -Hmm.

  • Oh, it's off.

  • -The old Renfield's back.

  • -Well, this calls for a celebration.

  • Renfield, open a bottle of someone red and full-bodied.

  • -Yes, master.

  • -Not yet.

  • Ingrid's more important.

  • -Since when?

  • [ingrid wheezing]

  • -Oh, very well.

  • Do what you must.

  • -Yes, master.

  • -And your insolence needs correcting.

  • [giggling]

  • [loud burp]

  • -Mr. Count, please don't do that.

  • Are you trying to give me a heart attack?

  • -Oh.

  • Don't joke about such matters.

  • -So what's the problem?

  • -You said Vlad needed more confidence in school.

  • I've hired a private tutor.

  • And, well, I've worked out a time table.

  • Vlad will only need to miss your most stupid, pointless classes.

  • -Sport, Personal and Social Development, Home Economics.

  • These subjects aren't stupid or pointless.

  • -Well, I hardly think Vlad need concern himself with-- cookery.

  • -I thought we had an understanding.

  • -Oh, we do.

  • -Vlad may be your son, but he is my student.

  • And in my school, he must do things my way.

  • -Of course.

  • But on this occasion, I suggest you make an exception.

  • -I'm sorry.

  • Vlad must follow the rules like everyone else.

  • -Really?

  • -I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree.

  • -Miss McCauley, are you sure?

  • Hmm?

  • -Quite sure.

  • Thank you.

  • -Fascinating.

  • I'm disappointed in you, Vlad.

  • -You always are.

  • -First Ingrid, then the half-fang, and now Renfield.

  • You lack discipline.

  • You're insubordinate.

  • And worst of all, you never listen to me.

  • -You never listen to me.

  • -I don't need to.

  • I know what's good for you.

  • And like it or not, you have to learn

  • in order to fulfill your potential.

  • That's why I've arranged a tutor for you.

  • -Whew.

  • OK.

  • I'm ready.

  • You be the tutor.

  • -You want me to improvise?

  • -Just come over here.

  • -All right.

  • But I'm really not sure of my motivation.

  • Ah.

  • This is like the cage which trapped your father.

  • -Actually, it is that one, with modifications.

  • -An excellent booby trap.

  • Of course, it is ineffective against hell hounds.

  • -One wrong move, and that tutor is going to be toast.

  • Show time.

  • [knocking]

  • [door creaking open]

  • -Go on, open it.

  • I wonder who they've sent.

  • -Not exactly what I was expecting.

  • -Good evening, Count Dracula.

  • And you must be Vladimir.

  • I'm Goody McEldrich.

  • -We are honored, madam.

  • -Are we?

  • -Goody McEldrich is infamous.

  • -You're talking to Transylvania's

  • greatest expert in shape-shifting.

  • -So why'd you choose that one?

  • [SNICKERING

  • Why'd you choose--

  • -You were right to call upon me.

  • This boy needs discipline.

  • -Yes.

  • I'm afraid I've been too soft with the lad.

  • -You certainly have.

  • I smell breather.

  • -Oh, that'd be Renfield.

  • -The Chosen One should not harbor breathers in his lair.

  • The only good breather is a drained breather.

  • -Actually, I quite like them.

  • -We'll soon cure you of that.

  • Let the training begin.

  • -Good luck, Vladdy.

  • Oh, and by the way, I took the liberty

  • of disabling your little booby trap.

  • -Dad, I--

  • -I'm waiting.

  • -Off you go, Vlad.

  • -You too, Count Dracula.

  • His un-vampiric behavior is your fault.

  • You need to be taught a lesson in parenting.

  • [roaring]

  • -(CHUCKLING) Put them away.

  • -Hmm?

  • -Boys who answer back get put on the naughty step.

  • -What?

  • -She sounds just like my old nan