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  • [theme music]

  • -Grand High Vampire Staked by Boris Dracula, whose takeover

  • attempt failed when he wore the Crown of Power

  • and mysteriously turned to dust.

  • Because of Boris, he's all over the papers, Zoltan.

  • -Except the "Sun Block."

  • Look, the Lice Girls are getting back together.

  • -What was that?

  • I thought I saw something.

  • -Yes, it's called lightning Master Vlad.

  • -Vladimir Dracula.

  • -And that's called thunder.

  • -You are the chosen one.

  • You must take your rightful place on the throne.

  • -I'm sorry, Your Grandness, but I really

  • think there's been a mistake.

  • I have trouble getting my homework in on time.

  • -Hush.

  • The time is almost upon us.

  • You will know you are the chosen one when--

  • -When what?

  • -Come on, Vladdy, we have to go tonight.

  • The heads of the Vampire clans are gathering downstairs.

  • The ceremony is about to begin.

  • -What's wrong Master Vlad?

  • You look like you've seen a ghost.

  • -I don't think our plan to rescue Mom is going to work.

  • The place is swarming with vampires.

  • -There's the Count, Ingrid, and Will.

  • Three is not a swarm.

  • -I'm telling you, it's wall tall fang down there.

  • -Jonno, now's not a time for a visit

  • from Mr. Cowardly Custard.

  • [laughter]

  • -Do you want some humble pie with that custard?

  • -Tonight, we unveil a new leader from our majestic throng

  • of night feeders.

  • Blood brothers and sisters, I present to you the crown

  • of power, carved from the bones of victims

  • from the dawn of time.

  • Come, come, come, come, come, come.

  • -Did you see that?

  • -Yeah.

  • Renfield is such a show-off.

  • [laughter]

  • -To reveal the identity of our new Grand High Vampire,

  • I shall require a drop of blood.

  • [screeching]

  • [hiss]

  • -Please don't say my name, please don't say my name.

  • [scoff]

  • -As if.

  • Chieftain McDonald.

  • [bagpipe music]

  • Do you solemnly swear to be evil, bloodthirsty,

  • and cruel now and forever more.

  • -Aye, I do.

  • -What?

  • -Was it something I said?

  • -It's the prophecy.

  • -What prophecy?

  • -Some old vampire voodoo, apparently.

  • When the bloodlines start dropping like flies,

  • it's a sign this special vampire's coming.

  • The chosen one.

  • -There is no proof of it.

  • -Well, let's hope the bloodline finds someone less combustible

  • this time.

  • [laughter]

  • Jiang Shi.

  • King.

  • I like it.

  • Do you solemnly swear to-- you do.

  • All right.

  • -It looks like that vampire voodoo might be true after all.

  • -So who's going to find themselves third time lucky?

  • [throat clear]

  • Ha!

  • Count Dracula!

  • Well, it's been a long night.

  • We're all tired.

  • Why don't we get some rest and something to eat

  • and I'll be crowned tomorrow night?

  • Great.

  • That's decided, then.

  • -I can't believe Dad chickened out.

  • -Well, you can't blame him.

  • That crown is deadly.

  • -Exactly.

  • I'll be devastated at our loss, of course.

  • But as the new head of the Dracula family,

  • I'm sure I'll get over it.

  • -You will inherit the castle?

  • -And everything else.

  • -You are so bad.

  • -I know.

  • Dad's going to wear that crown if it's the last thing he does.

  • -Ready for action, Jonno?

  • -Let's go.

  • -No, wait.

  • Let's make a pact.

  • Promise me you'll slay me if I get bitten.

  • -I promise.

  • And you'll slay me if I get bitten?

  • -I promise.

  • -What if we both get bitten at the same time.

  • -These pacts are trickier than you think.

  • Look, this is our best chance to save your mother.

  • It's you and me against two dozen vampires.

  • We're going to need more weapons.

  • -Why do I have to be chosen one?

  • Why can't it be like PE where I'm always last to be picked?

  • -Master, you can't have seen the Grand High Vampire.

  • I would have sensed his ghostly presence

  • with my finely tuned animal instincts.

  • -It's bad enough turning into a vampire

  • when I'm 16, never mind a special one.

  • I won't wear that crown.

  • -Then you father is doomed.

  • Not if I stop the coronation.

  • GRAHAM (OFFSCREEN): You're a tomato.

  • And you two can be the grapes.

  • -I wanted to be the carrot.

  • -Mm hmm hmm.

  • Chloe's the carrot.

  • -I suppose you're the banana.

  • -It's not fair.

  • -The healthy eating theme for the Scout Cabaret was my idea,

  • so I get first pick.

  • -There's no way I'm wearing this in public.

  • -Of course you are.

  • We need five pieces of fruit and veg.

  • We're the five a day family.

  • -You're coming, and that's an end to it.

  • -Over my dead pineapple.

  • -Master, I have come up with a fool-proof plan to save you.

  • I have made an exact replica of the Crown of Power.

  • -Oh.

  • That is an utterly stup-- stupendous idea.

  • With a fake crown, I could be Grand High

  • Vampire without taking any risks.

  • Renfield, you're not such a mindless,

  • slobbering idiot after all.

  • -Oh, thank you master.

  • Dun nun!

  • -Dad, we shouldn't be here.

  • We've been kicked out the Slayer's Guild,

  • and that includes this place. -Please speak name.

  • -Eat garlic and die.

  • -I was only saying.

  • -Voice recognized.

  • Access granted.

  • -Grab as many weapons as you can.

  • -Reach for the skies, ladies.

  • Now turn round.

  • Special Agent Kurt Moller, Slayers' Guild

  • Tactical Division.

  • Number of kills 989.

  • -I'm--

  • -Eric Van Helsing, Slayer's Guild field operative.

  • Number of kills, zero.

  • Discharged for ineffective conduct.

  • Nice work with the passphrase, though.

  • You snuck that one by the tech boys.

  • -We just came for our weapons.

  • -They're not weapons.

  • They're antiques.

  • Stakes and crossbows.

  • No wonder you didn't bag any fang jobs.

  • Now this is a weapon-- UV grenade launcher.

  • It's like having the sun in the palm of your hand.

  • Kurt fired and the intruders literally wet their pants.

  • Artistic license, I'm writing my memoirs.

  • -Yeah, well I'll stick with what I know.

  • Thanks.

  • -Your funeral.

  • -Are you going to slay the Count?

  • -Count's old news.

  • I'm here to take down the Chosen One.

  • -Come on, Robin.

  • Stop sulking.

  • Your dad's gone through a lot of trouble for this.

  • -Oh.

  • Sorry.

  • -Well, well.

  • Naughty, naughty.

  • -How dare you keep me here like this.

  • -Well, I think it's rather cozy.

  • -You're a monster.

  • -Vlad?

  • -Shh.

  • It's me.

  • Quick, over here.

  • -Is this everyone?

  • -Someone to sleep in the crypt.

  • -Show some respect for your new Grand High Vampire.

  • Or shouldn't we say last respects?

  • [laughter]

  • -Your dad's going to be the Grand High Vampire.

  • -Not if I can help it.

  • -Master!

  • Someone's stolen the crown!

  • -Really?

  • -Oh, really.

  • -Oh.

  • Oh, dear.

  • Never mind.

  • [hiss]

  • I mean find it.

  • Find it now.

  • -I don't know what to do, Robin.

  • Do you think I'm the Chosen One?

  • -Don't be daft.

  • You're a rubbish vampire.

  • There's no way it's you.

  • -Thanks.

  • -Maybe I'm the Chosen One.

  • -Robin, don't.

  • Ah!

  • You should see the look on your face.

  • -Ha ha ha, that wasn't funny.

  • -Oh, come on.

  • It was a bit funny.

  • -What if the prophecy's true?

  • -There's only one way to find out.

  • -Something tells me the map was wrong.

  • This isn't the dungeon.

  • -It's the crypt.

  • If your mother's in here, we're already too late.

  • -Dad, I've got a bad

  • -Yeah, me too.

  • -You're not supposed to say that.

  • You're supposed to say it's fine,

  • or don't worry we're in no danger.

  • What's that?

  • -Sounded like a coffin opening.

  • Don't worry, we're in no danger.

  • [screaming]

  • [laughter]

  • [hissing]

  • OK, maybe that wasn't such a great idea.

  • -Playtime's over children.

  • Dad wants his crown back.

  • -Don't give it to him.

  • He'll die.

  • -Yes, it's tragic.

  • Don't forget to bring a dustpan and brush.

  • -Stay here.

  • It's too dangerous.

  • And I mean it this time.

  • -Careful getting in.

  • We don't want any slip ups.

  • -You know Graham, I don't think your humor "a-peels" to them.

  • -Enough of the fruit jokes.

  • They're rotten.

  • [laughter]

  • -Dad?

  • There's a problem.

  • -Whoa.

  • Robin really needs to start shaving.

  • -Stay here.