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  • [theme music]

  • ROBIN: Happy birthday, Ingrid.

  • -Robin, it's perfect.

  • [music box playing]

  • -Unlike you.

  • Next.

  • -Happy birthday, sis.

  • -Peace, Love and Transylvania: How

  • to be a Happy, Blood-Free Vampire?

  • -You haven't read it already, have you?

  • Don't worry.

  • I kept the receipt.

  • -Presents!

  • Hm.

  • Oh, the unmortification, Vladdy.

  • I've forgotten your birthday.

  • -My birthday.

  • My sixteenth birthday?

  • -Oh, nonsense.

  • If it was, the castle bell would be tolling to summon you

  • for your vampire transformation.

  • [gong]

  • -I can't hear anything at all, can you?

  • [gong]

  • -All right, so it's Ingrid's special day.

  • Here.

  • Have a vintage fang brush.

  • -Is that it?

  • -Well, it's more than you got from your mother.

  • I see she couldn't even bother to show up.

  • [music]

  • -Happy birthday, darling.

  • -Mum!

  • [music]

  • -My first coffin.

  • -Just a little something from Patrick and me.

  • -That's right.

  • Just waltz in and steal the glory.

  • Where were you when there nappies needed changing?

  • -Out, drinking blood with you.

  • -Exactly.

  • A shamefully irresponsible mother,

  • where as I have done everything I could for this girl.

  • MAGDA: So you've organized her coming of rage party?

  • You have lead on someone to bite?

  • -Of course.

  • Robin, huh?

  • What are you doing this evening?

  • Oh, pathetic.

  • -Oi.

  • No one is biting anyone.

  • -Well, you just try and stop me.

  • [door slams]

  • -Ingrid, wait.

  • -What?

  • -I just wanted to say

  • [sigh]

  • -Goodbye.

  • -I'm only going to be in there two minutes.

  • -Yeah, I know but when Boris changed

  • he became selfish and evil and--

  • -Well, I'm already selfish and evil,

  • only now I'll come with added fangs.

  • [walking]

  • [door closes]

  • [swords crossing]

  • -Come on, then.

  • Let's get this party started.

  • [knocking]

  • -This is starting to get boring.

  • Great.

  • Now I'm talking to myself.

  • EVIL INGRID: Patience, Ingrid.

  • Bad things come to those who wait.

  • -Oh, I look so evil.

  • -Together, we will bring darkness where there is light.

  • -And death where there is life.

  • Bring it on.

  • -The breathers aren't going to know what's bitten them.

  • -Hello, Ingrid, what a nice surprise.

  • [screaming]

  • INGRID: Cool.

  • -Wait.

  • There's more.

  • -Will?

  • -Hi, Ingrid.

  • [screams]

  • -That's my boyfriend.

  • -He's a breather, Ingrid.

  • Surely you wouldn't stoop so low.

  • -Back off, sister.

  • I decide who I go out with.

  • -You call yourself a vampire?

  • Don't you know the more powerful of the two of us

  • will rule supreme?

  • So I'll be making the decisions from now on,

  • and I say Will dies!

  • -Over my dead body.

  • -My thoughts exactly.

  • -Open the door!

  • Let me out!

  • -Don't do it!

  • It's a vampire trick.

  • -Come on, help me!

  • -There's no escape, Ingrid!

  • -Vlad!

  • -Time for the old Ingrid to die.

  • -Vlad!

  • Help me!

  • Please!

  • -I-- the son and heir of Count Dracula order you

  • to stand aside and open the door.

  • -Vlad!

  • [screams]

  • -Where did she go?

  • -I don't know.

  • But I'm coming, ready or not.

  • -Oh.

  • Did you feel that?

  • -Feel what?

  • -Come on.

  • -I am really proud of you both.

  • A whole month without saying the b word.

  • -Yeah and I feel, um, at peace with the world.

  • -Uh-- me, too.

  • -So I shouldn't be worried about this than?

  • -Ingrid's birthday.

  • -She's getting her fangs.

  • General, tool up.

  • Today is a slay day.

  • -Remember the mantra.

  • Sure as Boy Scouts sing around camp fires,

  • there are no such things as vampires.

  • Drinking blood, the living dead.

  • It's not for real, it's in our head.

  • -Good.

  • This is real progress.

  • I think you're ready to move on to the next stage.

  • -Oh, wicked.

  • What's the next stage?

  • -Destroying all your weapons.

  • -Shouldn't we be getting to school?

  • -Suddenly mass doesn't seem so scary.

  • -Shhh.

  • I don't know what it is, but there is something in here.

  • I'm telling you.

  • -Well, yeah, a sleeping vampire.

  • No.

  • Something else.

  • An evil presence.

  • -Well, yeah.

  • A sleeping, irritated vampire.

  • EVIL INGRID: Hmmm?

  • The instincts are strong in this one.

  • HA!

  • [whimpers]

  • -Shhh!

  • -It's Ingrid!

  • She--

  • -Gone!

  • -Love of garlic!

  • [snap]

  • -Gone to wreak havoc at school.

  • -Robin, she can't go outside.

  • She'll burn.

  • ROBIN: Not with sun block 75 she won't.

  • -Let's go.

  • We've got to find her.

  • -You know what?

  • He's actually really superficial.

  • -And he's trained as a [inaudible] student.

  • -Get out of my way!

  • -You, girl, no smoking!

  • -Happy birthday!

  • -Whatever, have you seen Will?

  • Yeah, he just went up--

  • -That way.

  • [bell ringing]

  • -Right.

  • We'll need to go break and destroy these.

  • -What if we need them?

  • -Jonno, we promised your mum.

  • So it's the birthday girl, milk or should I

  • say, birthday vampire.

  • Looking for your first victim to suck on?

  • -Dad, the mantra.

  • -Sure as Boy Scouts sing round campfires,

  • there are no such things as vampires.

  • Drinking blood the living dead.

  • It's not for real, It's in our head.

  • -That's it.

  • You're all right.

  • Give me the stake.

  • -You two really are a couple of freaks.

  • -You're right, Dad.

  • We need to get rid of these as soon as possible.

  • -How's this, Mistress Magda?

  • -Fabulous.

  • [scream]

  • -What's going on here?

  • MAGDA: I'm organizing a party for Ingrid,

  • seeing as you completely failed to do so.

  • What sort of example is that for the kids?

  • -Says the woman who ran off with a werewolf.

  • -Don't forget the jelly and icicle scream, serf, and wake

  • me when it's done.

  • -You traitor!

  • You're helping her make me look bad.

  • -Sorry, Master.

  • Have you tried saying no to her?

  • -Of course not.

  • I'm undead, not brain dead.

  • I just wish I could be rid of her once and for all.

  • -I know ways, sir.

  • Squirt [inaudible] in her perfume.

  • -What, kill her?

  • Don't be stupid, Renfield.

  • -Oh, yes, even you aren't that evil.

  • Mistress Magda said the same thing only today.

  • -Oh, did she?

  • Really?

  • -Where could she be?

  • -I don't know.

  • -Robin, this is a disaster.

  • We've looked everywhere.

  • -Huh.

  • Come on, I thought you were the clever one.

  • -Think.

  • Think.

  • -Maybe we should be looking for Will, not Ingrid.

  • -Maybe we should be looking for Will, not Ingrid.

  • -Will?

  • -That's who she's trying to find, isn't it?

  • -That's who she's trying to find, isn't it?

  • -Of course.

  • Robin, you're a genius.

  • -All the weapons of the slayers I have defeated.

  • I knew they'd come in useful.

  • -So you're gonna stick that great big stake in Magda?

  • -No, Renfield.

  • You are.

  • Stop!

  • We've got to get rid of them all!

  • -But this was my first ever stake.

  • Can't I just keep this one?

  • -No!

  • -We're destroying everything.

  • -Look, you said it.

  • If we're gonna keep Mum around it's the only way.

  • [wood chipping]

  • -Will.

  • -Happy birthday.

  • -Oh.

  • [music]

  • -Wait.

  • We need to talk.

  • -About what?

  • Are you dumping me?

  • -I'm leaving Stokely forever and I want you to come with me.

  • -What?

  • Where?

  • -I don't know.

  • Look, meet me up the castle at first break?

  • -But--

  • -Trust me?