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  • [theme music]

  • -Rule number one of alchemy, pick good ingredients.

  • First, carefully select your rat's tails.

  • Mm.

  • Mm.

  • -Stop showboating, Renfield.

  • -Immediately, master!

  • Having prepared your blood mixture,

  • carefully lay out the tails.

  • Then gently ease in the power.

  • -[laughing]

  • -Wow.

  • Come here, my little [inaudible].

  • Your turn.

  • Master Vlad.

  • -No way.

  • -You know, my boy, when I was your age,

  • I grew a whole troop of three headed killer monkeys.

  • Happy times.

  • Make me proud!

  • -Look, Sir Manly Van Helsing, 1750 to 1789.

  • Poferia Van Helsing, 1852 to 1892.

  • Abraham Van Helsing III, 1925 to 1965.

  • I mean, what have they all got in common?

  • -They were all fine slayers.

  • -And all dead before they were 40.

  • You're 40 this year.

  • -Give it a rest, Jonno.

  • I'm not like those old timers.

  • I'm on the cutting edge.

  • See these?

  • Blueprints to the castle revealing a secret entrance

  • I bet the Count has no idea about.

  • -Blueprints are not cutting edge.

  • A [inaudible] on the computer-- that's cutting edge.

  • -Stop treating me like a pensioner.

  • I'm the slayer around here, and I'm going up to the castle

  • to prove it.

  • -Well, I'm coming with you.

  • -I don't need my hand holding.

  • Go home and get on with your homework.

  • Education comes first.

  • That's what my dad always taught me.

  • -Oh, you mean Granddad Norris Van Helsing?

  • Died age 39 and 1/2

  • -I mean, look at this.

  • Heads with necks.

  • Heads without necks.

  • Lizard entrails.

  • Alchemy's just the same as everything

  • else to do with being a vampire.

  • Just another excuse to get up to your elbows in blood and guts.

  • -Vlad, check this out!

  • -And I hate it when Dad gives me one of those looks.

  • Vladimir, I'm very disappointed in you.

  • Bride of Renfield.

  • -Oh, no, not that.

  • That.

  • -Potion 666, transforming a vampire into a mortal?

  • -Do you think it'll work?

  • -Only one way to find out!

  • Where's the list of ingredients?

  • -I found some bees' bums.

  • I thought you could start with growing something small,

  • you know?

  • Build up your confidence.

  • -Renfield, I think there's some pages missing from this book.

  • -Ah, that's my dad's book.

  • He liked to keep all his secrets up here.

  • He was a great alchemist.

  • Rotten dad, but a great alchemist.

  • -So he didn't pass any of his secrets on to you?

  • -He didn't get a chance, did he?

  • He disappeared suddenly, like a ghoul in the night,

  • never to be seen again.

  • -He can't have just disappeared.

  • We need to find out what happened.

  • Ah, Zoltan.

  • What do you know about Renfield's dad?

  • -Whatever you've heard, it's lies.

  • All lies.

  • -He sounds nervous.

  • [fart]

  • -Oh.

  • -He smells it, too.

  • -Oh, is that the time?

  • I think I'll just go and stretch my wheels.

  • -Spill, Zoltan.

  • I want the truth.

  • Or I'll let Ingrid put itching powder in your stuffing again.

  • -Master Vlad, you wouldn't.

  • [sigh] Renfield Sr. had this habit

  • of skulking outside the castle.

  • You have to remember, I hung out with a bad pack

  • of hellhounds in those days.

  • [sigh] Anyway, one moonless night, my muchachos

  • and I ambushed someone by the south tower.

  • By the time we realized it was Renfield,

  • Sr., all that was left of him was what's in my basket.

  • -Ugh.

  • -Oh, no, that's a little accident I had earlier.

  • The bone.

  • -So he took his secret to the grave.

  • -No longer a problem.

  • -Oh.

  • -[sigh]

  • -This is so what I want to do when I leave school.

  • [cackling]

  • -Don't do this, Master Vlad.

  • Renfield, Sr. was mad, bad, and dangerous to know.

  • And when he sees me, he's going to want revenge.

  • -Maybe you should nip to the card shop.

  • See what they've got in the "Sorry I accidentally

  • savaged you to death" section.

  • -Shut up.

  • I need to concentrate.

  • This is dark alchemy.

  • We're going to bring back Renfield's dad.

  • -That's it.

  • Ready?

  • -We're gonna need a bigger bolt.

  • -Huh?

  • -Of lightning.

  • -We could be waiting months for a storm.

  • -Not when your dad's Count Dracula.

  • -I just want you to know, this is nothing personal.

  • -That's my diary!

  • -Uh-uh-uh.

  • -I hate to be the one to show you this, Dad.

  • -My old dad's a vampire.

  • He wears a vampire cloak.

  • Ah.

  • But no one's very scared of him.

  • They think he's just a joke.

  • Ingrid!

  • -But I didn't write that.

  • -He's getting old and past it.

  • That is very plain to see.

  • His hair is g-- grey, his fangs, are false,

  • and his cardigan smells of wee!

  • I do not wear cardigans!

  • -And that's not my handwriting.

  • -That is no excuse!

  • [thunder]

  • -Everything ready?

  • -Check.

  • -Good.

  • Now all we need to do is wait for the big--

  • [thunder]

  • -Easy.

  • Don't fry him like those rat tails.

  • -[shudder]

  • -[growling]

  • -[whimpering]

  • -It lives!

  • -And it's naked!

  • -Ugh.

  • -What have you done?

  • You--

  • -Who are you?

  • Where am I?

  • -Do something!

  • -I'm Vladimir Dracula.

  • I'm your master.

  • Release him!

  • -Again, I don't think he hears you!

  • -Release him!

  • -Greetings, Master Vladimir.

  • Renfield Sr., at your service.

  • --[laughing] Am I good or am I good?

  • -So, you want to avoid becoming a vampire, Master Vlad?

  • -Exactly.

  • And I need to do it before Dad finds out.

  • So let's get on with creating the potion.

  • -Immediately, young master.

  • -Cool.

  • -Vlad, you rotten little worm, I'm going to kill you!

  • What is that?

  • -Renfield, where is-- my dinner?

  • Have you done something different with your hair?

  • -No, your majesticness.

  • It is I, Renfield Sr.

  • -Oh.

  • -I was temporarily killed, but now I'm back.

  • -Thanks to me and my alchemy skills.

  • -Hm.

  • Excellent, Vlad.

  • Not quite the troop of killer monkeys, but not bad.

  • -I'm sorry dinner's late, Master.

  • -Quiet, whelp.

  • I'll be getting the master's dinner!

  • -He's my master, not yours.

  • -You wanna bet?

  • -Nice going, garlic breath.

  • You really think it's good having

  • two Renfields stinking up the place?

  • -Enough.

  • Ingrid's right for once.

  • I can't possibly have two of you loathsome

  • creatures infesting my home.

  • One of you will have to do.

  • -If I might be so bold, your enormity,

  • let Master Vlad decide.

  • He'll be head of the house one day.

  • It'll be good practice for him.

  • I'm sure he'll make the right choice.

  • -Very well.

  • Vlad.

  • -Sorry, Renfield.

  • -But I don't know where to go.

  • -Why did you never like me, Dad?

  • -Because you're weak.

  • I told you not to let them Draculas walk all over you.

  • But look at you.

  • You've got their boot marks all over your back.

  • -The count's not really like that, deep down.

  • -Deep down nothing!

  • I let him and his father get away with treating me like dirt

  • because it was always, we'll grant

  • you immortality one day, Renfield.

  • But did they?

  • Did they?

  • God.

  • Even after I offered to let them drain

  • your blood on your 18th birthday.

  • -What?

  • -Oh.

  • I thought you knew that.

  • Now it's payback time.

  • I'm gonna use that little brat Vlad to get my immortality,

  • and then I'm going to reduce the House of Dracula

  • to a pile of windblown ashes.

  • Have a nice life.

  • -[yelp]

  • -Shh.

  • Easy, Dad.

  • -What are you playing at?

  • -Sorry.

  • I got these off eSlay.

  • They're tracking devices with a built-in alarm.

  • -Jonno, I'm a trained slayer with 25 years behind the stake.

  • Now go home and stop telling me how to do my job.

  • -Dad, it's not the '70s.

  • -So, how long until the potion's ready?

  • -I'll work day and night, young master.

  • My only desire is to serve you.

  • -Vlad.

  • Don't you think you're losing the plot a bit?

  • So far, you've got Ingrid into trouble,

  • forced Zoltan to hide in the ruins,

  • and chucked Renfield out.

  • -Needs must.

  • -Exactly.

  • -But you're the only good one in your family.

  • -You can't expect a breather to understand, master.

  • -Mind your own!

  • -Sorry, master.

  • This is delicate work, and all these interruptions.

  • -I understand.

  • Catch you later, yeah, Robin?

  • -Oh, so now you're chucking me out.