Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles [music playing] -This better be good, Zoltan. -A note from Mr. Boris, he specifically requested you wait until-- -Dear Vlad, by the time you read this, I'll be gone. Blah, blah, blah-- 16th birthday. Blah, blah, blah-- transformation. I'm running away. Sorry, Boris. [sighing] -But aren't you going to try and stop him, Master Vlad? -No need, he won't get far. [wolf howling] -Let me out. Let me out. [growling] -Why me? -Oh, happy birthday. How far did you get? -Front gate. -Oh, not bad. Better than yesterday, anyway. -It's all over, Vlad. In a few hours, I'm going to become an evil, blood-sucking monster. And there's nothing I can do about it, unless of course, you've come up with some ingenious plan to save me in the nick of time. -Well, there is this one. La mange is easy. We can make that ourselves. Robin will release the pigeons on cue here, creating a diversion, while I roller skate past and switch the mirror. OK, it sucks. But we'll think of something else. There's still time. -Ah! -I wouldn't be so sure. -Knee pads, camouflage jacket, night-vision goggles-- -I thought you were going to a woodwork conference. -Chisel, spirit level, sand paper, right. I think that's everything. -What's this? -Hm? No, don't. ANNOUNCER (ON TV): Want to get your hands on the latest X-15 rapid-firing crossbow? These guys just keep letting you down? You need to go the Annual Vampire Slayers Jamboree, for a day packed full of fun, education, and most of all-- slaying. Only for slayers aged 18 and over, payment will not be refunded, if you're bitten and become one of the undead. -I'll pack my bag. -No. You heard what it said-- 18 and over. -I am. -Years Jono, not inches. -This isn't a fair. Why do I have to miss out on all the good stuff? -Because one of us needs to stay here and protect the innocent people of Stokley. It's a big responsibility, son. Are you ready? -I will be, if you show me where the secret headquarters. -Jono, remember, the first rule of slaying-- patience. -But what if I-- -It's the most important discipline for a slayer to master-- stop, wait, and wait some more. Practice it while I'm gone. -Stop, wait, and follow Dad. -Remove the blindfold. Happy birthday, my son. -Hey, this is great. But you really shouldn't have gone through so much-- oh, you didn't. -That Boris, is the doorway to your destiny. -I don't suppose you kept the receipt. -You can do this, Boris. Just remember to stay focused. You are not evil. Say it. -I'm not evil. -Again. -I'm not evil. -Once more. -(EVIL VOICE) I'm not evil. -OK. We'll leave that for now. -Way to go, Vlad. Can you coach me? -Any last requests? Yeah, can we do this a different time? -You're not going anywhere, Doris. -Come, come. -No, Dad. Please don't. -Now, Robin, do you think Boris would prefer chocolate or a Victoria sponge? -I don't think cake is really Boris's thing, Mum. -A boy his age doesn't want a birthday cake? He has got blood pumping through his veins, hasn't he? -Well, actually-- ow! Dad-- -Mm-hm? -Can you help me with my homework? -Hm, of course, sweetheart. Now then, what's it to be-- spelling or coloring in? -I've got to perform my psychological evaluation of a subject, using psychodynamic and cognitive methods. -She has study someone's brain and find out what makes them tick. -OK, OK. I'll put the stupid shelf up. Hm, hey? Just don't nag me, that's all. -Listen. -What? -Total silence, not a sound since that scream five minutes ago. -Numb to sensation-- four letters. -Dead. [scream] That's it. I'm getting him out of there. -Enough. Look, I have every confidence that Boris will emerge safe and sound. -Will uh six feet be deep enough, Master? -Not now, Renfield. What, what? [bell] -Daddy, how much longer is this going to take? -Depends on how much of a fight he puts up. -Fight? No one said anything about a fight. -Well, if he's strong, it could take all day. If he's a pathetic, spineless wimp, then-- -Well that answers that. -Boris, Boris-- -Well, I guess, he didn't make it, such a tragic loss. -You mean, he's-- he's dead? -Congratulations! Or maybe not. What have I missed? -Nothing much. Oh, I broke a nail. Ugh, and Boris is dead. -Does that mean I get double allowance, Daddy? -Well, seeing as you're my only child, yes. -What is wrong with this family? Boris is gone. Doesn't anyone care? -No. -Sorry, Vlad. -Look, if it's only consolation, I never really liked the boy. He uh lacked the killer instict. -It's my fault. I was far too soft on him, If only I'd been-- -Boris? -Son. Well, lock up your daughters. Look at you! VAN HELSING (ON RECORDING): Memoirs of a Vampire Slayer, by-- ELECTRONIC VOICE: Please speak now, clearly. VAN HELSING (ON RECORDING): Eric Van Helsing. ELECTRONIC VOICE: Voice recognized. Access granted. -Let the games beging. [evil laugh] -Ah. [chicken squawking] Bravo, bravo! -The boy is a prodigy. It take five years to perfect midflight combat. He's mastered it in five minutes. -They were chickens. They were hardly going to fight back. -So fetch me a couple of lions. -My son has the thirst. -Excellent! Renfield, saddle the horses and polish my horn. Tonight, we shall hunt. -Hunt? -Horses. -Daddy, I want a horse. Get me a horse. -So does this mean you're evil? -Vlad, Vlad, Vlad, come on. It's me, Boris. I wouldn't hurt a fly. -Really? -I remembered what you said. I stayed focused. I'm not evil. I'm not evil. It works Vlad. I'm the same Boris I was before. Only now I'm stronger, braver, and more powerful. And you will be too. Just look at what you can become. To the bat pack-- sorry, men only. -Go sit on a stake. Wake up, loser. It's an act. You can't possibly believe him. -Oh, garlic. -The name's Van Helsing-- Jonathan Van Helsing, license to slay. Take this, vampire scum. Oh, splinter. -I'm not evil. I'm not evil. Want to bet? Mirror, mirror on the floor, you've given me power. But I want more. -Boris! -Ah, there you are. Cake's upstairs. It's not a good time. Uh I'll come back later. -You know, you really shouldn't wander about the castle on your own. It's not safe for a breather. VLAD: Boris-- -Just kidding. -Happy birthday! -Well, come on then. Blow out the candles and make a wish. How on earth did that happen? VLAD: Strong lungs-- come from playing the tuba. -Robin! -If you wanted a slice Robin, you should have just asked. -But I didn't-- but he-- -Come with me. Let's get you a towel and a doggy bag. -I'm not sure if it's safe to leave Mum alone with Boris. -Of course it is. You heard what he said. He wouldn't hurt a fly. [fly buzzing] [thunder] -Cool. [door slams] -Stop, wait, and wait some more. -Vlad, about Boris-- -Isn't it great? All this time, I've been worrying about becoming evil. And now I don't have too. -But Vlad-- -If a total wimp like Boris can handle the transformation, then I'll walk it. [sighing] At last, there's hope. Sorry, you were saying? -Nothing, that's great, Vlad. I'll get you a clean t-shirt. -Uh no offense-- I don't think your style will suit me. -That's where you're wrong. Wait right here. -You were gonna tell Vlad, weren't you? -Tell him what? I don't know anything.