-Ah!

-Ah!

[stammering]

-Get off!

For garlic's sake, Boris, you were sleep flying again.

-Was I?

-Face it, you're becoming a vampire.

-I can't be.

I'm not turning 16 'til next week.

-Why do you think I had to ban Robin from the castle?

-That was a misunderstanding.

I was just squeezing a spot on his neck.

-What, with your teeth?

Not a good sign.

Look, I hate to say this, but I don't

think we can share a room anymore.

-You're throwing me out?

-Well, no.

Well, yeah.

There's a spare coffin in the crypt.

-The crypt?

With the dead people?

-We're vampires.

Dead is our middle name.

-Don't do this, Vlad.

I can protect you from slayers with my ultra-sharp vampire

hearing.

Nothing can take me by surprise.

-Boo!

-Ah!

[laughing]

IVAN: We heard screaming.

COUNT DRACULA: Have you scoundrels

got a victim in here?

-Just doing a bit of flying practice, dad.

-Oh, pity.

-Get out here, boy.

Show me your fangs.

Hmm.

A bit under-developed.

Not to worry.

We'll start small, just a few cute bunnies.

-You mean kill them?

-No, take them synchronized swimming.

Of course, kill them.

COUNT DRACULA: You want to be a vampire, don't you?

-I, I don't know.

-Well, you'd better make up your mind, and fast.

-Like there's a choice.

Are you saying there's a choice?

-Uh.

-Oh, look at that, it's six in the morning.

[yawning]

-Coffin time.

-I feel sick.

-Five across.

[snoring]

-Dad.

About Boris'--

-Shh.

I know.

That boy is softer than a thousand year old zombie.

-His transformation.

Is there a choice, a way to get out of becoming a vampire?

-(WHISPERING) Get out of-- get out of becoming a vampire!

-Well, is there?

[sigh]

-Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Vladdy.

-Good, because I can tell when you're lying.

Your eyes glow yellow.

-Do they?

Really.

-Yeah.

-Well, I never knew that.

That's the trouble with having no reflection.

-Anyway, you were saying?

COUNT DRACULA: I was saying, being

a vampire is your destiny, and nothing you can do

will ever change that.

Is that clear?

-Totally.

Just one question.

Why are your eyes shut?

RENFIELD: Sick again Master Boris?

A nice bit of rat in cockroach sauce

will soon have you feeling better.

[shout]

-Gah!

-Master Boris?

-I said-- ow!

[sucking noises]

-Boris?

-What?

I need blood!

-Seriously?

Renfield's?

[gasp]

-That's the last time you get breakfast in bed.

-So.

-Don't give up.

I think there's a way out of becoming vampires.

-You're serious?

How?

-I don't know yet.

But we're going to find a way.

INGRID: Right, you little gremlin.

What have you done with my stuff?

-Like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

-My sunglasses and nail varnish.

-Relax.

They're over there.

[gasp]

-Prepare to enter a world of pain.

OLGA: Um, I'll take a raincheck, because right now, it's

time for you to go to school like a good little breather.

-Don't ever call me that.

OLGA: Why?

What are you going to do?

-You think you can challenge the princess of darkness?

OLGA: No, but I can whip your butt from here to Halloween.

-Oh, you're on, maggot muncher.

-OK.

Whoever commits the most evil deed by tonight is the winner.

-And the loser has to sing and dance with Renfield

wearing a frilly pink dress.

-When do we start?

[scream]

-Now.

-What about school?

-School is for breathers.

[schoolbell ring]

ROBIN: So how can I help?

-You really want to?

-Of course, if it'll stop your freakish cousin

dribbling down my neck.

So what's the plan?

-Well, Boris is doing some research up at the castle.

I'm going to look on the internet.

-So shall I come to yours after school?

-You know you can't.

It's too dangerous right now.

-Great.

So until you and Boris find a cure,

I'm stuck at home like a loser.

-Robin, this isn't about you.

-Fine.

I'll just spend time with my other friends.

-Right.

-I have got other friends.

-Of course you have, of course you have.

-Robin!

[bell rings]

-Robin!

[bell rings]

-Great.

-Ah, agent mole.

Ready to debrief?

-So, Vlad doesn't want to be a vampire,

and he's trying to find a cure.

-You're getting that master plan look in your eyes again.

-Correct, Jonno.

-My greatest plan yet and it can't possibly fail.

-It's kind of our theme tune.

-And this is the final chorus.

With Vlad's help, we can rid Stokely

of its nasty vampire problem forever.

This time, there'll be no mistakes, I promise.

-You promise?

I mean, no garlic guns, no puns, no totally

rubbish female disguises?

-No.

No, and I'm deeply hurt.

Jonno, the time has come to show you my secret slayer's HQ.

-You've got a secret slayer's HQ?

Why didn't you mention this before?

-Can I trust you, Jonno?

-Of course.

Have I ever let you down?

-Jonno.

Put these on.

-Do we really have to go through all this?

-Afraid so, Jonno.

The less you know, the less you can give away

when you're captured and tortured by vampires.

-Thanks, dad.

COMPUTER: Please speak name clearly.

-Eric Van Helsing.

COMPUTER: Voice recognized.

Access granted.

-Wow.

-I know.

I've waited a long time for this moment.

-Garlic guns!

-Forget the guns.

Behold our noble heritage.

JONNO: Who are these guys?

ERIC: My grandfather, Abraham Van Helsing the Third,

and my father, caught in the very act of slaying.

Look at that action.

-Dad, the plan.

ERIC: Patience.

Now this is my great, great, great,

or something, Aunt Porfiria.

-Nice looking woman.

-Yes, she was.

She was also a slayer, a scientist, and inventor.

I want to show you the greatest secret of the Van Helsings.

-Is it some sort of superweapon?

An amphibious slay-mobile?

-Cool.

Books.

-Not just any books.

Porfiria's finest work.

A Painless Cure for Vampires.

Only 20 copies were ever printed.

Her secrets, her discoveries, they're all in here.

JONNO: She was locked up.

-She was a misunderstood genius.

Jonno, are you ready for your first solo mission?

-What do I have to do?

-I want you to take Robin Branaugh out of play.

-You mean kill him.

-Nothing so pleasant.

I want you to make friends with him.

-Why?

-To keep him away from Vlad.

Divide and conquer.

-All right.

While I'm doing this, what are you going to do?

-We must have been through half the books in this place.

Haven't you found anything yet, Zoltan?

ZOLTAN: There's a chapter here on vampire cures,

but I don't think you're going to like it.

BORIS: I'll try anything.

-The surest and the most effective

cure for vampirism is--

-Yes, yes?

-A stake through the heart.

-Maybe not.

Any other ideas?

ZOLTAN: You could kill the person who made you a vampire.

BORIS: I was born a vampire.

ZOLTAN: So that would be your father.

Or the oldest member of the clan.

BORIS: Granny Dracula?

No more hand-knitted capes for my birthday.

It's a win-win.

ZOLTAN: Master Boris, that's granny-cide!

[thud]

ZOLTAN: Hmm, a painless cure for vampires.

-Painless!

This is it!

Muah, muah.

Porfiria Van Helsing.

Whoever you are, I love you!

After many years as a slayer, I have discovered that vampires

can be cured by-- by-- well, by what?

Come on, come on.

Ah!

-Master Boris!

Control yourself.

-What are we going to do now?