Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles [theme music] -Ah! -Ah! [stammering] -Get off! For garlic's sake, Boris, you were sleep flying again. -Was I? -Face it, you're becoming a vampire. -I can't be. I'm not turning 16 'til next week. -Why do you think I had to ban Robin from the castle? -That was a misunderstanding. I was just squeezing a spot on his neck. -What, with your teeth? Not a good sign. Look, I hate to say this, but I don't think we can share a room anymore. -You're throwing me out? -Well, no. Well, yeah. There's a spare coffin in the crypt. -The crypt? With the dead people? -We're vampires. Dead is our middle name. -Don't do this, Vlad. I can protect you from slayers with my ultra-sharp vampire hearing. Nothing can take me by surprise. -Boo! -Ah! [laughing] IVAN: We heard screaming. COUNT DRACULA: Have you scoundrels got a victim in here? -Just doing a bit of flying practice, dad. -Oh, pity. -Get out here, boy. Show me your fangs. Hmm. A bit under-developed. Not to worry. We'll start small, just a few cute bunnies. -You mean kill them? -No, take them synchronized swimming. Of course, kill them. COUNT DRACULA: You want to be a vampire, don't you? -I, I don't know. -Well, you'd better make up your mind, and fast. -Like there's a choice. Are you saying there's a choice? -Uh. -Oh, look at that, it's six in the morning. [yawning] -Coffin time. -I feel sick. -Five across. [snoring] -Dad. About Boris'-- -Shh. I know. That boy is softer than a thousand year old zombie. -His transformation. Is there a choice, a way to get out of becoming a vampire? -(WHISPERING) Get out of-- get out of becoming a vampire! -Well, is there? [sigh] -Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Vladdy. -Good, because I can tell when you're lying. Your eyes glow yellow. -Do they? Really. -Yeah. -Well, I never knew that. That's the trouble with having no reflection. -Anyway, you were saying? COUNT DRACULA: I was saying, being a vampire is your destiny, and nothing you can do will ever change that. Is that clear? -Totally. Just one question. Why are your eyes shut? RENFIELD: Sick again Master Boris? A nice bit of rat in cockroach sauce will soon have you feeling better. [shout] -Gah! -Master Boris? -I said-- ow! [sucking noises] -Boris? -What? I need blood! -Seriously? Renfield's? [gasp] -That's the last time you get breakfast in bed. -So. -Don't give up. I think there's a way out of becoming vampires. -You're serious? How? -I don't know yet. But we're going to find a way. INGRID: Right, you little gremlin. What have you done with my stuff? -Like, I don't even know what you're talking about. -My sunglasses and nail varnish. -Relax. They're over there. [gasp] -Prepare to enter a world of pain. OLGA: Um, I'll take a raincheck, because right now, it's time for you to go to school like a good little breather. -Don't ever call me that. OLGA: Why? What are you going to do? -You think you can challenge the princess of darkness? OLGA: No, but I can whip your butt from here to Halloween. -Oh, you're on, maggot muncher. -OK. Whoever commits the most evil deed by tonight is the winner. -And the loser has to sing and dance with Renfield wearing a frilly pink dress. -When do we start? [scream] -Now. -What about school? -School is for breathers. [schoolbell ring] ROBIN: So how can I help? -You really want to? -Of course, if it'll stop your freakish cousin dribbling down my neck. So what's the plan? -Well, Boris is doing some research up at the castle. I'm going to look on the internet. -So shall I come to yours after school? -You know you can't. It's too dangerous right now. -Great. So until you and Boris find a cure, I'm stuck at home like a loser. -Robin, this isn't about you. -Fine. I'll just spend time with my other friends. -Right. -I have got other friends. -Of course you have, of course you have. -Robin! [bell rings] -Robin! [bell rings] -Great. -Ah, agent mole. Ready to debrief? -So, Vlad doesn't want to be a vampire, and he's trying to find a cure. -You're getting that master plan look in your eyes again. -Correct, Jonno. -My greatest plan yet and it can't possibly fail. -It's kind of our theme tune. -And this is the final chorus. With Vlad's help, we can rid Stokely of its nasty vampire problem forever. This time, there'll be no mistakes, I promise. -You promise? I mean, no garlic guns, no puns, no totally rubbish female disguises? -No. No, and I'm deeply hurt. Jonno, the time has come to show you my secret slayer's HQ. -You've got a secret slayer's HQ? Why didn't you mention this before? -Can I trust you, Jonno? -Of course. Have I ever let you down? -Jonno. Put these on. -Do we really have to go through all this? -Afraid so, Jonno. The less you know, the less you can give away when you're captured and tortured by vampires. -Thanks, dad. COMPUTER: Please speak name clearly. -Eric Van Helsing. COMPUTER: Voice recognized. Access granted. -Wow. -I know. I've waited a long time for this moment. -Garlic guns! -Forget the guns. Behold our noble heritage. JONNO: Who are these guys? ERIC: My grandfather, Abraham Van Helsing the Third, and my father, caught in the very act of slaying. Look at that action. -Dad, the plan. ERIC: Patience. Now this is my great, great, great, or something, Aunt Porfiria. -Nice looking woman. -Yes, she was. She was also a slayer, a scientist, and inventor. I want to show you the greatest secret of the Van Helsings. -Is it some sort of superweapon? An amphibious slay-mobile? -Cool. Books. -Not just any books. Porfiria's finest work. A Painless Cure for Vampires. Only 20 copies were ever printed. Her secrets, her discoveries, they're all in here. JONNO: She was locked up. -She was a misunderstood genius. Jonno, are you ready for your first solo mission? -What do I have to do? -I want you to take Robin Branaugh out of play. -You mean kill him. -Nothing so pleasant. I want you to make friends with him. -Why? -To keep him away from Vlad. Divide and conquer. -All right. While I'm doing this, what are you going to do? -We must have been through half the books in this place. Haven't you found anything yet, Zoltan? ZOLTAN: There's a chapter here on vampire cures, but I don't think you're going to like it. BORIS: I'll try anything. -The surest and the most effective cure for vampirism is-- -Yes, yes? -A stake through the heart. -Maybe not. Any other ideas? ZOLTAN: You could kill the person who made you a vampire. BORIS: I was born a vampire. ZOLTAN: So that would be your father. Or the oldest member of the clan. BORIS: Granny Dracula? No more hand-knitted capes for my birthday. It's a win-win. ZOLTAN: Master Boris, that's granny-cide! [thud] ZOLTAN: Hmm, a painless cure for vampires. -Painless! This is it! Muah, muah. Porfiria Van Helsing. Whoever you are, I love you! After many years as a slayer, I have discovered that vampires can be cured by-- by-- well, by what? Come on, come on. Ah! -Master Boris! Control yourself. -What are we going to do now?