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  • *applause*

  • Please welcome to speak to us

  • the funniest man on Earth

  • A performer of legendary comic genius.

  • a children's book author of profound depth

  • an individual of enormous compassion

  • who is doing so much to make our world a better place

  • the great Jim Carrey

  • *applause*

  • Thank you

  • *applause*

  • What are you sittin down for?

  • I was gonna milk that for a while

  • You guys can stretch that out in post production right? To make that longer in the edit.

  • Thank you Bevan

  • Thank you all

  • Jai Guru Dev

  • *applause*

  • I brought one of my paintings show you today

  • Hope you guys gonna be able to see it okay

  • *laughter*

  • It's not one of my bigger pieces so you might wanna move down front

  • Get a good look at it.

  • Faculty

  • Parents, Friends, Dignified guests

  • Graduating class of 2014

  • *applause*

  • And all the dead baseball players coming out in the corn to be with us today.

  • *Laugher and applause*

  • after the harvest there's no place for them too hide

  • fields are empty

  • there's no cover there

  • *laughter*

  • I'm here to plant a seed today

  • a seed that will inspire you to move forward in life

  • with enthusiastic hearts and a clear sense of wholeness

  • the question is will that seed have a chance to take root

  • or will I be sued by Monsanto.

  • *laughter*

  • And forced to use their seed

  • *applause*

  • Which may not be

  • Totally Ayurvedic

  • *laughter*

  • excuse me if I seem

  • a little bit low energy tonight

  • Today

  • Whatever this is

  • *laughter*

  • I slept with my head to the north last night

  • *laughter*

  • Huh huh Oh man

  • Oh man

  • You know how that is right kids?

  • *laughter*

  • Yeah

  • Woke up right in the middle of PITA

  • couldn't get back to sleep till VATA rolled around

  • Crazy

  • *applause*

  • Wooo!

  • *Jim Carrey noises*

  • But I didn't freak out ya know.

  • I use that time

  • to eat a large meal

  • *laughter*

  • Connect with someone special on Tinder

  • *laughter*

  • Because life doesn't happen to you

  • It happens for you

  • How do I know this?

  • I don't but I'm making sound and that's the important thing

  • That's what I'm here to do

  • Sometimes I think that's the only thing that's important really

  • You know, it's just letting each other know we're here

  • reminding each other that we're part of a larger self

  • I used to think Jim Carrey is all that I was

  • Just a flickering light. A danceing shadow

  • The great nothing masquerading as something you can name

  • *laughter*

  • Seeking shelter in caves and fox holes

  • Dug out hastily

  • An archer searching for his target in the mirror

  • Wounded only by my own arrows

  • Begging to be enslaved

  • pleading for my chains

  • Blinded by longing

  • And tripping over paradise

  • *applause*

  • CAN I GET AN AMEN?

  • *amen*

  • *applause*

  • You didn't think I could be serious did ya?

  • I don't think you understand who you're dealing with

  • *laughter*

  • I have no limits

  • *laughter*

  • *applause*

  • I cannot be contained because I'm the container

  • *applause*

  • You can't contain the container man!

  • You can't contain the container.

  • I used to believe that who I was

  • ended at the edge my skin

  • that I had been given this little vehicle called a body

  • from which to experience creation

  • Though I couldn't have asked for a sportier model

  • *laughter*

  • It was after all a loaner

  • and would have to be returned

  • *laughter*

  • then I learned that everything outside the vehicle was part of me too

  • and now I Drive a convertible

  • *laughter*

  • *applause*

  • Yeah man

  • Top down

  • wind in my hair

  • *applause*

  • Woohoo!

  • I am elated

  • and truly truly truly excited to be present and fully connected

  • to you at this important moment in your journey

  • I hope you're ready to open the roof

  • and take it all in

  • *silence*

  • Okay four more years then

  • *laughter*

  • they're obviously not ready

  • sneezesumorecuttin

  • Nah uh,

  • I want to thank the Trustee's

  • the Administrators, the Faculty of M.U.M.

  • for creating an institution worthy Maharishi's

  • ideals of education

  • A place that teaches knowledge and experience

  • The knowledge and experience necessary to be productive in life

  • as well as enabling the students through Transcendental Meditation

  • and ancient Vedic knowledge

  • To slack off twice a day for an hour and a half

  • *applause*

  • Don't think you're fooling me

  • but I guess it has some benefits

  • It does allow you to separate who you truly are

  • and what's real

  • from the stories that run through your head

  • you have given that them

  • the ability to walk behind the minds elaborate set decoration

  • and to see that there's a huge difference between a dog that is going

  • to eat you

  • in your mind. And an actual dog that is going to eat you

  • *laughter*

  • That may sound like no big deal but many never learned that distinction

  • *laughter*

  • And they spend a great deal of their lives living in fight or flight response

  • I'd like to acknowledge all of you wonderful parents

  • Way to go

  • *applause*

  • What a fantastic job

  • You've done

  • *applause*

  • For your tireless dedication. Your love. Your support.

  • most of all for the attention the you pay to your children

  • I have a saying "beware the unloved because they will eventually hurt themselves

  • or me"

  • *laughter*

  • But when I look at this group here

  • you know I feel really safe

  • *laughter*

  • I do

  • *applause*

  • I'm just gonna say it

  • My room is not locked

  • My room is not locked

  • No doubt some of you will turn out to be crooks

  • *laughter*

  • But white collar stuff ya know

  • Wall Street that type of thing

  • You know

  • Crimes committed by people with self-esteem

  • *laughter*

  • Stuff parents can still be proud of

  • in a weird way

  • And to the Graduating class

  • of 2017

  • Minus Three

  • *laughter*

  • Ya didn't let me finish

  • *laughter*

  • Congratulations

  • Yes

  • Give yourself a round of applause please

  • *applause*

  • You are the vanguard of knowledge and consciousness

  • A new wave in a vast ocean

  • of possibilities

  • On the other side of that door there's a world

  • starving for new ideas new leadership I've been out there

  • for thirty years

  • She's a wildcat

  • *laughter*

  • Oh she'll rub up against a leg and purr untill you pick her up and start pettin her

  • And then outta no where she'll swat you in the face!

  • *laughter*

  • It can be rough out there

  • but that's okay because they're soft serve ice cream

  • *laughter*

  • with sprinkles

  • I guess that's what I'm really trying to say here today

  • sometimes it's

  • okay to eat your feelings

  • *laughter*

  • Now fear

  • is going to be a player in your life

  • you get to decide how much

  • you could spend your whole life imagining ghosts

  • worrying about the pathway to the future but all there will ever be

  • is what's happening here in the decisions we make in this moment

  • which are based in either love or fear so many of us choose our path out of

  • fear disguised as practicality

  • what we really want seems impossibly out of reach

  • and ridiculous to expect so we never dared ask the universe for it

  • I'm saying I'm the proof that you can ask the universe for it

  • Please

  • *applause*

  • And if it doesn't happen for you right away It's only because the universe is

  • sold busy fulfilling

  • my order

  • *laughter*

  • Party sash

  • My father could have been a great comedian but he didn't believe that that was possible for him

  • And so he made a conservative choice instead

  • He gotta safe job as an accountant and when I was 12 years old

  • he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to

  • survive. I learned many great lessons from my father

  • not the least of which was that you can fail at what you

  • don't want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you

  • Love

  • *applause*

  • it's not the only thing he taught me know you know i watch the affected my

  • father's love and humor

  • and how it altered the world around me and I thought that's something to do

  • that's something worth my time good it wasn't long before I started acting up

  • your people would come over the house

  • may be greeted by a seven-year-old throwing himself down

  • large flight of stairs

  • they would say what happened and I would say I don't know

  • let's check the replay could go back to the top of the stairs and come back down

  • in slow motion low of

  • called her partner

  • it was a very strange household

  • my father used to brag that I was in the ham I was the whole pay

  • should be treated my talent

  • as it was his second chance when I was about 28

  • after a decade as a professional comedian I realize one night in la:

  • the purpose of my life had always been to free people from cancer

  • just like my dead when I realized this

  • I dumped my new devotional the church

  • a freedom from concerned the church at the FFC

  • and I dedicated myself to that ministry what's yours

  • how will you serve the world