Please welcome to speak to us

the funniest man on Earth

A performer of legendary comic genius.

a children's book author of profound depth

an individual of enormous compassion

who is doing so much to make our world a better place

the great Jim Carrey

*applause*

Thank you

*applause*

What are you sittin down for?

I was gonna milk that for a while

You guys can stretch that out in post production right? To make that longer in the edit.

Thank you Bevan

Thank you all

Jai Guru Dev

*applause*

I brought one of my paintings show you today

Hope you guys gonna be able to see it okay

*laughter*

It's not one of my bigger pieces so you might wanna move down front

Get a good look at it.

Faculty

Parents, Friends, Dignified guests

Graduating class of 2014

*applause*

And all the dead baseball players coming out in the corn to be with us today.

*Laugher and applause*

after the harvest there's no place for them too hide

fields are empty

there's no cover there

*laughter*

I'm here to plant a seed today

a seed that will inspire you to move forward in life

with enthusiastic hearts and a clear sense of wholeness

the question is will that seed have a chance to take root

or will I be sued by Monsanto.

*laughter*

And forced to use their seed

*applause*

Which may not be

Totally Ayurvedic

*laughter*

excuse me if I seem

a little bit low energy tonight

Today

Whatever this is

*laughter*

I slept with my head to the north last night

*laughter*

Huh huh Oh man

Oh man

You know how that is right kids?

*laughter*

Yeah

Woke up right in the middle of PITA

couldn't get back to sleep till VATA rolled around

Crazy

*applause*

Wooo!

*Jim Carrey noises*

But I didn't freak out ya know.

I use that time

to eat a large meal

*laughter*

Connect with someone special on Tinder

*laughter*

Because life doesn't happen to you

It happens for you

How do I know this?

I don't but I'm making sound and that's the important thing

That's what I'm here to do

Sometimes I think that's the only thing that's important really

You know, it's just letting each other know we're here

reminding each other that we're part of a larger self

I used to think Jim Carrey is all that I was

Just a flickering light. A danceing shadow

The great nothing masquerading as something you can name

*laughter*

Seeking shelter in caves and fox holes

Dug out hastily

An archer searching for his target in the mirror

Wounded only by my own arrows

Begging to be enslaved

pleading for my chains

Blinded by longing

And tripping over paradise

*applause*

CAN I GET AN AMEN?

*amen*

*applause*

You didn't think I could be serious did ya?

I don't think you understand who you're dealing with

*laughter*

I have no limits

*laughter*

*applause*

I cannot be contained because I'm the container

*applause*

You can't contain the container man!

You can't contain the container.

I used to believe that who I was

ended at the edge my skin

that I had been given this little vehicle called a body

from which to experience creation

Though I couldn't have asked for a sportier model

*laughter*

It was after all a loaner

and would have to be returned

*laughter*

then I learned that everything outside the vehicle was part of me too

and now I Drive a convertible

*laughter*

*applause*

Yeah man

Top down

wind in my hair

*applause*

Woohoo!

I am elated

and truly truly truly excited to be present and fully connected

to you at this important moment in your journey

I hope you're ready to open the roof

and take it all in

*silence*

Okay four more years then

*laughter*

they're obviously not ready

sneezesumorecuttin

Nah uh,

I want to thank the Trustee's

the Administrators, the Faculty of M.U.M.

for creating an institution worthy Maharishi's

ideals of education

A place that teaches knowledge and experience

The knowledge and experience necessary to be productive in life

as well as enabling the students through Transcendental Meditation

and ancient Vedic knowledge

To slack off twice a day for an hour and a half

*applause*

Don't think you're fooling me

but I guess it has some benefits

It does allow you to separate who you truly are

and what's real

from the stories that run through your head

you have given that them

the ability to walk behind the minds elaborate set decoration

and to see that there's a huge difference between a dog that is going

to eat you

in your mind. And an actual dog that is going to eat you

*laughter*

That may sound like no big deal but many never learned that distinction

*laughter*

And they spend a great deal of their lives living in fight or flight response

I'd like to acknowledge all of you wonderful parents

Way to go

*applause*

What a fantastic job

You've done

*applause*

For your tireless dedication. Your love. Your support.

most of all for the attention the you pay to your children

I have a saying "beware the unloved because they will eventually hurt themselves

or me"

*laughter*

But when I look at this group here

you know I feel really safe

*laughter*

I do

*applause*

I'm just gonna say it

My room is not locked

My room is not locked

No doubt some of you will turn out to be crooks

*laughter*

But white collar stuff ya know

Wall Street that type of thing

You know

Crimes committed by people with self-esteem

*laughter*

Stuff parents can still be proud of

in a weird way

And to the Graduating class

of 2017

Minus Three

*laughter*

Ya didn't let me finish

*laughter*

Congratulations

Yes

Give yourself a round of applause please

*applause*

You are the vanguard of knowledge and consciousness

A new wave in a vast ocean

of possibilities

On the other side of that door there's a world

starving for new ideas new leadership I've been out there

for thirty years

She's a wildcat

*laughter*

Oh she'll rub up against a leg and purr untill you pick her up and start pettin her

And then outta no where she'll swat you in the face!

*laughter*

It can be rough out there

but that's okay because they're soft serve ice cream

*laughter*

with sprinkles

I guess that's what I'm really trying to say here today

sometimes it's

okay to eat your feelings

*laughter*

Now fear

is going to be a player in your life

you get to decide how much

you could spend your whole life imagining ghosts

worrying about the pathway to the future but all there will ever be

is what's happening here in the decisions we make in this moment

which are based in either love or fear so many of us choose our path out of

fear disguised as practicality

what we really want seems impossibly out of reach

and ridiculous to expect so we never dared ask the universe for it

I'm saying I'm the proof that you can ask the universe for it

Please

*applause*

And if it doesn't happen for you right away It's only because the universe is

sold busy fulfilling

my order

*laughter*

Party sash

My father could have been a great comedian but he didn't believe that that was possible for him

And so he made a conservative choice instead

He gotta safe job as an accountant and when I was 12 years old

he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to

survive. I learned many great lessons from my father

not the least of which was that you can fail at what you

don't want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you

Love

*applause*

it's not the only thing he taught me know you know i watch the affected my

father's love and humor

and how it altered the world around me and I thought that's something to do

that's something worth my time good it wasn't long before I started acting up

your people would come over the house

may be greeted by a seven-year-old throwing himself down

large flight of stairs

they would say what happened and I would say I don't know

let's check the replay could go back to the top of the stairs and come back down

in slow motion low of

called her partner

it was a very strange household

my father used to brag that I was in the ham I was the whole pay

should be treated my talent

as it was his second chance when I was about 28

after a decade as a professional comedian I realize one night in la:

the purpose of my life had always been to free people from cancer

just like my dead when I realized this

I dumped my new devotional the church

a freedom from concerned the church at the FFC

and I dedicated myself to that ministry what's yours

how will you serve the world