[snoring]

-Morning, Zoltan.

-Indeed, it is, Master Vlad.

And in case you've forgotten, you don't do mornings.

You're a vampire.

-Not before I'm 16, I'm not.

Until then, I'm just a normal kid.

I could do all the other normal kids do.

-Turn me upside down and look for the batteries?

-No.

I'm going to school.

-But Master Vlad, it's not safe.

-Look, the only person who knows I'm a vampire is Robin.

And he's promised he won't tell a single soul.

-Well, don't come running in my direction

when you're named and shamed as the spawn of Dracula.

-Zoltan, relax.

It's going to be chilly.

I mean "cool."

That's what kids say around here, isn't it?

-Yeah, as in "isn't it cool we slayed the vampire?"

[bell tolls]

[thud]

COUNT: Ugh!

Flaming torches!

Aah!

Renfield!

-Isn't it-- uh, OK, Master!

Ugh!

-Good morning, Renfield.

Hello, Robin.

You see?

Perfect fit.

-Yeah, those trousers really show off your ankles.

-So we all set?

-Yeah, just one problem--

-Hello, I'm Robin's mom, Elizabeth.

Ahh, nice.

-That's Mom's quiet way of saying "it needs a clean."

-Vlad, my man, is, uh, Ingrid around?

-(WHISPERS) Robin, are we expecting anyone else?

-(WHISPERS) It's not my fault.

They just followed me up here.

-(WHISPERS) Get them out of here quick before Dad hears them.

COUNT: Renfield!

Who's there?

-Um, might as well move along, shall we, folks?

-Going somewhere, Vlad?

-Yo, Ingrid.

-Aha, so you must be the famous Ingrid.

You've certainly made some fans in our house.

BOYS: Mom!

-Now, come on.

You better get dressed for school.

I've--

-You can't seriously think that I'm going to school.

-You don't have to go, but I want to.

Just don't tell Dad, OK?

-Sure, don't worry.

Dad!

COUNT: Beelzebub's bunk brush!

I am trying to sleep!

What peasant dares knock at my palace of doom?

-Hello.

You must be Mister, uh--

-Count.

-Mr. Count.

-I'm Elizabeth Branagh, your neighbor.

Welcome to our country.

It's wonderful to meet you. [sniffs] Oh,

my goodness, what is that smell?

I think it's coming from--

-Uh, the slime pit.

-Ooh, I think you may have a problem with your drains.

-My Graham's a plumber. I'll send him up to have a look.

Will send him with Vlad and Ingrid after school.

-School?

What school?

-Stokely Grammar.

-My children do not go to school.

-Oh, please, let me go, Dad.

How else am I going to make friends?

-Our kind don't need friends.

-Well, uh, now, come on, you lot, or we'll be late.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Count.

-Bye.

-See you.

-Well, thanks.

Thanks a lot.

-Here we are, son.

Stokely Grammar.

Fresh start for both of us.

-Dad, you are going to behave yourself at this school,

aren't you?

It's going to be really nice just

to stay in one place for more than a few months.

-Jono, I promised, didn't I?

And a Van Helsing never breaks his promise.

Blood and garlic!

It's a vampire.

JONATHAN: Dad, it's a boy in a cape.

-Morning, Mr. Van Helsing.

-Whew, morning, Headmistress.

Just doing my morning squats.

-Congratulations.

15 seconds into a brand-new school, and you've

already spotted the vampire.

-It's instinct, son.

I'm a vampire slayer.

-No, Dad.

You're a woodwork teacher.

COUNT: Vlad, it's a quarter past midnight.

Come on.

Get up.

-What do you mean?

I've been up all day.

-Then tough neck, sonny.

That's your choice, not mine.

Come, come.

Come look at this beautiful when, moonshine.

You can't just laze around in bed all night.

VLAD: You do realize I'm not yet a vampire, don't you?

I sleep at night.

I like garlic bread.

I want to go to school.

Just deal with it.

-Is this about the "friends" thing, hm?

Because I've been thinking about what you said earlier.

-You mean, you've changed your mind?

I can go to school?

-No, even better.

I'll be your friend.

-Thanks, Dad.

But I'd like some friends of my own age.

-I could teach all my wicked ways.

-I don't want to be an evil vampire.

I want to be an ordinary boy.

[thunder rumbling]

-You disappoint me.

-I'm sorry.

[snores]

[bell tolls]

[thump]

[groans]

-If that's that Branagh woman again!

[boom]

RENFIELD: Master!

Master!

It's a breather!

With a metal horse!

-So you must be Vladimir and Ingrid.

-And you must be wearing that for charity.

-Oh, a freethinker.

Splendid stuff.

I'm Ms. Harker, your new headmistress.

-Ahh.

-Good morning.

It's Mister--

-[grunts] Count.

-Mr. Count, that's right.

Now, I've had reports that children

haven't been placed in a school.

-Reports?

From whom?

-I'm afraid I can't say.

-Well, whoever it is, I shall crush them.

-(WHISPERS) Dad.

-Now, look.

I don't know where you hail from, Mr. Count.

But in our country, children are required to go to school.

And if you refuse to cooperate, well, they'll be taken away.

-Really?

And how much would this service cost?

-Cost?

It wouldn't cost anything.

-Splendid.

-Well, you can have her for a start.

I still have some hopes for the boy.

-Yeah, me, too.

I hope he'll get lost.

-Now, look, Mr. Count, it's quite simple.

Either you send the children to school,

or you will be taken to court.

-Ooh.

"Taken to court."

I'm aquiver with fear.

[snickers]

And what, pray tell, is this so-called "court"?

-Oh, just the local equivalent of an angry peasant mob.

-What?

[mob yelling]

[gasp]

Right.

Vlad, Ingrid, get ready for school.

-(WHISPERS) Well, yes!

This is so embarrassing.

My first day at school, and I look like a freak.

So much for keeping a low profile.

-No, wait.

I have a little good luck present.

Now, these are a pair of ancient brooches

with the legendary Dracula coat of arms.

-Aw, wicked!

-So, Vladdy, my boy, this one's for you.

And Ingrid, it's such a shame you weren't a boy.

-You're a heartless, spiteful, self-centered bully.

And so am I, but you just can't see it!

-(WHISPERS) Shut the door!

That girl will be the death of me.

-I'll see you later, Dad.

-Ah, don't forget your cape!

-Dad, only a weirdo would wear a cape to school.

-Hi, Vlad.

-My boy is growing up, Renfield.

-Yoo-hoo, Mr. Count!

-Oh, please.

[growls]

-I knew you'd change your mind about school.

Can't wait to get rid of them, eh?

I know the feeling.

Must dash.

See you soon.

-It's her, isn't it?

She must be the one who denounced me to the school.

-She must be punished, Master.

-Renfield, home.

We have work to do.

-Wow.

So this is school.

-Yeah.

It's a bit like a prison, only sometimes people

escape from prison.

-Hey, cool.

Look at this.

Huh, my own private locker.

-Yeah, it's really not that exciting.

Just somewhere you can stash your games kit.

And in your case, of course, the blood of innocent victims.

-(WHISPERS) Robin.

-I'm only having a laugh.

-Please just keep your mouth shut, all right?

Remember, you're the only one who knows we're vampires.

I kind of like it to stay that way.

-Sure.

-Oh, hello.

I guess, Batman and Batman.

Hey, nice badge.

-Oh, um, it's nothing special.

It's--

-Absolutely nothing to do with vampires.

-Robin.

-Ignore him.

He thinks he's a vampire.

Robin actually believes that bloodsucking humans exist.

Sad, isn't it?

-[sighs]

So what part of "keeping your mouth shut"

don't you understand?

[bangs locker]

-Vlad, your locker.

-So remember, no more getting distracted, all right?

-What do you mean "distracted"?