Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles [theme music] [snoring] -Morning, Zoltan. -Indeed, it is, Master Vlad. And in case you've forgotten, you don't do mornings. You're a vampire. -Not before I'm 16, I'm not. Until then, I'm just a normal kid. I could do all the other normal kids do. -Turn me upside down and look for the batteries? -No. I'm going to school. -But Master Vlad, it's not safe. -Look, the only person who knows I'm a vampire is Robin. And he's promised he won't tell a single soul. -Well, don't come running in my direction when you're named and shamed as the spawn of Dracula. -Zoltan, relax. It's going to be chilly. I mean "cool." That's what kids say around here, isn't it? -Yeah, as in "isn't it cool we slayed the vampire?" [bell tolls] [thud] COUNT: Ugh! Flaming torches! Aah! Renfield! -Isn't it-- uh, OK, Master! Ugh! -Good morning, Renfield. Hello, Robin. You see? Perfect fit. -Yeah, those trousers really show off your ankles. -So we all set? -Yeah, just one problem-- -Hello, I'm Robin's mom, Elizabeth. Ahh, nice. -That's Mom's quiet way of saying "it needs a clean." -Vlad, my man, is, uh, Ingrid around? -(WHISPERS) Robin, are we expecting anyone else? -(WHISPERS) It's not my fault. They just followed me up here. -(WHISPERS) Get them out of here quick before Dad hears them. COUNT: Renfield! Who's there? -Um, might as well move along, shall we, folks? -Going somewhere, Vlad? -Yo, Ingrid. -Aha, so you must be the famous Ingrid. You've certainly made some fans in our house. BOYS: Mom! -Now, come on. You better get dressed for school. I've-- -You can't seriously think that I'm going to school. -You don't have to go, but I want to. Just don't tell Dad, OK? -Sure, don't worry. Dad! COUNT: Beelzebub's bunk brush! I am trying to sleep! What peasant dares knock at my palace of doom? -Hello. You must be Mister, uh-- -Count. -Mr. Count. -I'm Elizabeth Branagh, your neighbor. Welcome to our country. It's wonderful to meet you. [sniffs] Oh, my goodness, what is that smell? I think it's coming from-- -Uh, the slime pit. -Ooh, I think you may have a problem with your drains. -My Graham's a plumber. I'll send him up to have a look. Will send him with Vlad and Ingrid after school. -School? What school? -Stokely Grammar. -My children do not go to school. -Oh, please, let me go, Dad. How else am I going to make friends? -Our kind don't need friends. -Well, uh, now, come on, you lot, or we'll be late. Nice to meet you, Mr. Count. -Bye. -See you. -Well, thanks. Thanks a lot. -Here we are, son. Stokely Grammar. Fresh start for both of us. -Dad, you are going to behave yourself at this school, aren't you? It's going to be really nice just to stay in one place for more than a few months. -Jono, I promised, didn't I? And a Van Helsing never breaks his promise. Blood and garlic! It's a vampire. JONATHAN: Dad, it's a boy in a cape. -Morning, Mr. Van Helsing. -Whew, morning, Headmistress. Just doing my morning squats. -Congratulations. 15 seconds into a brand-new school, and you've already spotted the vampire. -It's instinct, son. I'm a vampire slayer. -No, Dad. You're a woodwork teacher. COUNT: Vlad, it's a quarter past midnight. Come on. Get up. -What do you mean? I've been up all day. -Then tough neck, sonny. That's your choice, not mine. Come, come. Come look at this beautiful when, moonshine. You can't just laze around in bed all night. VLAD: You do realize I'm not yet a vampire, don't you? I sleep at night. I like garlic bread. I want to go to school. Just deal with it. -Is this about the "friends" thing, hm? Because I've been thinking about what you said earlier. -You mean, you've changed your mind? I can go to school? -No, even better. I'll be your friend. -Thanks, Dad. But I'd like some friends of my own age. -I could teach all my wicked ways. -I don't want to be an evil vampire. I want to be an ordinary boy. [thunder rumbling] -You disappoint me. -I'm sorry. [snores] [bell tolls] [thump] [groans] -If that's that Branagh woman again! [boom] RENFIELD: Master! Master! It's a breather! With a metal horse! -So you must be Vladimir and Ingrid. -And you must be wearing that for charity. -Oh, a freethinker. Splendid stuff. I'm Ms. Harker, your new headmistress. -Ahh. -Good morning. It's Mister-- -[grunts] Count. -Mr. Count, that's right. Now, I've had reports that children haven't been placed in a school. -Reports? From whom? -I'm afraid I can't say. -Well, whoever it is, I shall crush them. -(WHISPERS) Dad. -Now, look. I don't know where you hail from, Mr. Count. But in our country, children are required to go to school. And if you refuse to cooperate, well, they'll be taken away. -Really? And how much would this service cost? -Cost? It wouldn't cost anything. -Splendid. -Well, you can have her for a start. I still have some hopes for the boy. -Yeah, me, too. I hope he'll get lost. -Now, look, Mr. Count, it's quite simple. Either you send the children to school, or you will be taken to court. -Ooh. "Taken to court." I'm aquiver with fear. [snickers] And what, pray tell, is this so-called "court"? -Oh, just the local equivalent of an angry peasant mob. -What? [mob yelling] [gasp] Right. Vlad, Ingrid, get ready for school. -(WHISPERS) Well, yes! This is so embarrassing. My first day at school, and I look like a freak. So much for keeping a low profile. -No, wait. I have a little good luck present. Now, these are a pair of ancient brooches with the legendary Dracula coat of arms. -Aw, wicked! -So, Vladdy, my boy, this one's for you. And Ingrid, it's such a shame you weren't a boy. -You're a heartless, spiteful, self-centered bully. And so am I, but you just can't see it! -(WHISPERS) Shut the door! That girl will be the death of me. -I'll see you later, Dad. -Ah, don't forget your cape! -Dad, only a weirdo would wear a cape to school. -Hi, Vlad. -My boy is growing up, Renfield. -Yoo-hoo, Mr. Count! -Oh, please. [growls] -I knew you'd change your mind about school. Can't wait to get rid of them, eh? I know the feeling. Must dash. See you soon. -It's her, isn't it? She must be the one who denounced me to the school. -She must be punished, Master. -Renfield, home. We have work to do. -Wow. So this is school. -Yeah. It's a bit like a prison, only sometimes people escape from prison. -Hey, cool. Look at this. Huh, my own private locker. -Yeah, it's really not that exciting. Just somewhere you can stash your games kit. And in your case, of course, the blood of innocent victims. -(WHISPERS) Robin. -I'm only having a laugh. -Please just keep your mouth shut, all right? Remember, you're the only one who knows we're vampires. I kind of like it to stay that way. -Sure. -Oh, hello. I guess, Batman and Batman. Hey, nice badge. -Oh, um, it's nothing special. It's-- -Absolutely nothing to do with vampires. -Robin. -Ignore him. He thinks he's a vampire. Robin actually believes that bloodsucking humans exist. Sad, isn't it? -[sighs] So what part of "keeping your mouth shut" don't you understand? [bangs locker] -Vlad, your locker. -So remember, no more getting distracted, all right? -What do you mean "distracted"?