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  • Moanin' Low, my sweet man I love him so

  • though he's mean as can be

  • He's the kind of man needs a kind of woman like me

  • a woman like me...

  • a woman like me... a woman like me...

  • Rick wants to hire me! He's at a new studio.

  • Where is it?

  • India!

  • INDIA

  • A LONG TIME AGO

  • When?

  • I don't remember what year...

  • there's no year...

  • How do you know there's a year for that?

  • I think they say the 14th Century.

  • The 14th Century was recently.

  • No, but...I don't know...

  • That's when...the Moghuls were ruling, Babar was in India

  • OK, the 11th then. It's definitely B.C.

  • It's B.C. for sure

  • and I think it's Ayodhya, where Ram was born

  • I know that because they razed that temple.

  • They say that Ram was born there. Which I don't believe -

  • - but that's what they say.

  • And Ayodhya is in the state of Uttar Pradesh.

  • It's right there! Therefore the story has to be true.

  • It's probably based on as real

  • as event as what the Bible is based on.

  • You want to know the whole story?

  • Oh, because Ram's father had 4 wives.

  • 3 wives.

  • 3 wives?

  • 4 sons.

  • 4 sons, 3 wives. OK.

  • I know the names of the sons by the way.

  • Kausalya...

  • No, that's the wife, that's what I meant.

  • Kausalya, Sumitra and Kaikeyi.

  • And Kausalya's son was Ram

  • Sumitra's son was Laxman

  • Kaikeyi's son was Bharat

  • I'm so impressed!

  • Yes, and Shatrughan I think was Laxman's brother

  • which means he had to be, uh... Sumitra's son.

  • Sita was Ram's wife

  • Right, and Sita I know also, Sita's father was Janaka.

  • Sita has many names, Sita only being one of them.

  • Yeah.

  • Janaki! Janaki!

  • Janaki also.

  • And Vahish, Vahish, uh...

  • I saw a play- Vaidehi. -huh?

  • Vaidehi, I saw a play called Vaidehi, right, which I learned is another name for Sita.

  • Ram was about to be crowned by Dasharatha as the king

  • and Kaikeyi went to him

  • and because she had done something really good

  • I think she had taken care of him when he was really sick.

  • Or something like that. Yes.

  • And so at that point he had said to her that...

  • "You have one Boon. Anything you ask of me I will do."

  • and so she went and asked him to send Ram away for 14 years

  • thinking that was a long enough time,

  • that if you go away for 14 years,

  • you're pretty much out of sight, out of mind.

  • AYODHYA,

  • A LONG TIME AGO, B.C.

  • Rama my son,

  • today I wished to crown you King of Ayodhya

  • but my evil scheming wife Kaikeyi-

  • just reminded me of an ancient vow I made.

  • To honor this vow,

  • instead of crowning you king,

  • I must banish you to the forest for 14 years!

  • Goodbye, dear boy.

  • You are noble and good.

  • The embodiment of righteousness.

  • A brave warrior prince.

  • Joy of Heaven and Earth.

  • The Ideal Man.

  • May the Gods be with you.

  • Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

  • That's what she asked for and Dasharatha was heartbroken

  • but

  • given that all Indian men are true to their word...

  • He had to...

  • do that.

  • And then he died.

  • Didn't he die? -No, I...

  • He died eventually...

  • No, but all those Ram Leelas I've seen when I was a kid...

  • He died right away?

  • There's this big scene, very dramatic

  • he's having a heart attack when his son is going away.

  • I do think he was unwell...

  • Yeah that's true.

  • And he also has a huge issue, right

  • He's like ravaged by guilt,

  • because Ram is such a good son.

  • And Ram, when he was told to go away,

  • actually said he would. He didn't create any problems, he didn't say,

  • "why?"

  • He just said,

  • If that is your wish Father,

  • I shall go.

  • And then he went.

  • And Sita said, "If you go, I go."

  • No, Sita.

  • The forest is beset by Rakshasa demons.

  • They harrass our Wise Men and desecrate their ritual fires.

  • I must fight them...

  • alone.

  • But Rama, a woman's place is next to her Husband!

  • I will accept any hardship.

  • I cannot live without you.

  • I cannot live without you... I cannot live without you...

  • I hate to think what might have been if we had never met

  • Why should I suppose that this could be?

  • The weary days, the lonely nights, are easy to forget

  • since I am here, and you are here with me.

  • Here we are, you and I

  • let the World hurry by

  • Even while I waited, somehow, dear, I knew

  • You'd find me, I'd find you

  • Here we are, alone together

  • what matter whether, we wander far?

  • And though we haven't got a bankful,

  • we can still be thankful

  • that here, that here we are!

  • Here we are, you and I

  • Let the World just hurry by

  • Even while I waited, somehow, dear, I knew

  • you'd find me, and I'd find you

  • Here we are, alone together

  • what matter whether we wandered far?

  • and though we haven't got a bankful,

  • we can still be thankful

  • that here we are!

  • That's all!

  • I'll miss you.

  • It's only a 6-month contract.

  • I'll be back before you know it!

  • Ravana was the evil king of Lanka

  • and he just stole Sita.

  • He was an incredibly learned man.

  • Actually the only bad thing he seems to have done...

  • ...is capture Sita. Kidnap Sita.

  • Which is kind of interesting because ...is capture Sita. Kidnap Sita.

  • Which is kind of interesting because

  • everything else about him seems to be, like he was this really learned guy,

  • he knows all these weapons

  • he prays to the right Gods, I guess...

  • so all this stuff! He's like this Good King.

  • Except that, over time, we've been led to believe he's this complete...

  • that he's like Mogambo.

  • That's right, he lived on an island also!

  • He was a devoted Shiva-bhakta.

  • and he plays - - all these instruments...

  • Veena with his intestines.

  • With his intestines?

  • Yeah, for Shiva.

  • There's this whole thing about how devoted a fan he was

  • and he's asking Lord Shiva for some wish

  • and, you know, he is basically playing Veena with his intestines.

  • It's hard to fell someone like that in battle, because

  • what is pain to a man who plays Veena on his intestines?

  • Nothing much.

  • What I'm really impressed with is he was the king of Sri Lanka.

  • No, he was the king of Lanka.

  • It was Lanka. It's called Ceylon. It's the same country I think.

  • Well the point is that's what we think.

  • They built the bridge.

  • The bridge still exists, so NASA images says.

  • Really? NASA? It must be true then!

  • Maybe they saw them on the moon!

  • Isn't there a Suruphanaka story? Suruphanaka right?

  • Surphanaka.

  • I'm messing up her name. God, they're gonna be after me

  • Surphanaka is the one with the really ugly nose.

  • Surphanaka. But she was Ravana's sister.

  • Ravana!

  • Rama has slaughtered your Rakshasas in the forest.

  • You must take revenge!

  • Don't do it, Master.

  • Rama is powerful.

  • Sister,

  • do not bother me with your petty concerns.

  • Dear Brother Ravana,

  • have you seen Rama's wife Sita?

  • She is the most beautiful woman in the world.

  • Her skin is fair like the lotus blossom.

  • Her eyes are like lotus pools.

  • Her hands are like, um, lotuses.

  • Her breasts are like big, round, firm, juicy lotuses!

  • Make Sita your wife, Ravana.

  • Steal her from Rama!

  • Don't do it, Master!

  • I'll hear no arguments from you, Mareecha.

  • You must help me at once.

  • Transform yourself into a beautful golden deer to distract Rama.

  • While Sita is unguarded,

  • I'll grab her!

  • Sita WILL be mine!

  • hahahahaaaa!

  • What a beautiful golden deer!

  • Oh Rama, won't you capture it for me?

  • I don't know, Sita. It could be a trick!

  • Oh Rama, pleeeaaase?

  • All right, Sita. You ask for so little and give me so much.

  • But promise you won't leave the hut while I'm gone.

  • The forest is dangerous.

  • I promise!

  • Oh Rama, I love you!

  • I love you, Sita.

  • Love was blind to me, now it's kind to me,

  • Love has opened my eyes.

  • Since it came to me, life's a game to me

  • with the sweetest surprise.

  • I never knew how good it was to be

  • a slave to one who means the world to me.

  • I loved that man from the start, and way down deep in his heart

  • I know he loves me, Heaven knows why

  • and when he tells me he can't live without me

  • what wouldn't I do for that man?

  • He's not an angel or saint, and what's the odds that he ain't

  • with all his faults I know he'll get by

  • I'll be so true to him, he'll never doubt me

  • What wouldn't I do for that man?

  • Oh, when he lets me lean my weary head on his shoulder

  • I close my eyes right there and wish I never grow older

  • I'll never leave him alone, I'll make his troubles my own

  • I love that man as nobody can

  • I'm just no good when his arms are about me

  • What wouldn't I do for that man?

  • What wouldn't I do for that man?

  • I'll never leave him alone, I'll make his troubles my own

  • I love that man better than I do my self

  • I'm just no good when his arms are about me

  • What wouldn't I do for that man?

  • Oh there's not a thing I wouldn't do for my man.

  • That's all!

  • But you know what Sita does then?

  • How she actually is able to tell these people where she drops her jewelry

  • along the way.

  • And that's how they were able to find her.

  • It went all the way to Lanka.

  • How many times did she drop the jewelry?

  • She was wearing a whole lot of jewelry in the forest.

  • I mean, no, remember, she's not wearing any jewelry 'cause she left everything

  • before she left Ayodhya and she came - - oh she left everything?

  • Right, she just came in her Sanyasi clothes.

  • Don't challenge these stories.

  • She's gone.