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  • So just go at it? –Go at it!

  • Is this his face or something?

  • How do you get through a breakup? Well, suck it up, be strong, tough it out

  • These are some of the things you hear people tell you

  • Well, what if I told you that none of those work?

  • And instead, that you should do the exact opposite

  • Give yourself permission to feel it all

  • See, in 2010, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher discovered using MRIs in advanced brain mapping

  • That when youre going through a breakup, the exact same regions of the brain are activated as when an addict is going through periods of withdrawal

  • Simply put, weve scientifically proved that love really is a drug

  • It’s a big deal because it kills this notion we went along assuming for years

  • That going through a breakup is just this emotional process

  • When really, theyre very much physical, too

  • It’s why you find yourself experiencing a loss appetite, fatigue, anxiety and many other symptoms that an addict goes through when experiencing withdrawals

  • Like addiction, we figured we’d give you 12 steps to help you through a breakup

  • We only have likewe only have a few minutes

  • We can’t do 12? What about like… 10?

  • Here are 5 steps to help you through a breakup

  • First, we gathered participants who were fresh out of a breakup

  • And tested their current level of happiness

  • You know, it’s kind of day-by-day. Some days it stops. Some days it’s alright.

  • How long was the relationship?

  • It was 10 months. Yes. But who’s counting?

  • Well it was domestic for about a year, but before that we were back and forth for a total like 4 years

  • The first step is to get your anger out in a healthy way

  • Go at it. Come around and connect with it. Couple more. Give me a good one finish out.

  • Yeah, work the gut. Work the gut, I like it

  • That’s it. All right champ, alright, alright you got it

  • How are you feeling? –I feel good

  • Kind of clearing everything else out

  • I guess that is one good way for me to get it out

  • Next up is to turn it into a learning experience

  • You can’t change the past but you can use it as a lesson

  • Looking back on your last relationship, I want you to tell me 3 things that you learned from it

  • Perception greatly differs between different people. You can be in the same situation, same people same place, and have 2 different stories about the same event

  • Being more open

  • Age is sometimes more than a number

  • What was it that made you realize this lesson?

  • We didn’t fight a lot, but when we did fight, it seemed to always boil down to the same issues

  • And they seemed to be like fundamental intrinsic thing within each of us

  • When youre giving your attention, time, money, affection to something, youre investing a part of yourself into that.

  • That’s the part of your heart that youre giving to someone else

  • He wasn’t always like the greatest boyfriend. I wasn’t gonna settle for somebody who I had to explain myself to

  • The next part is perhaps the most important one

  • Accepting where you are right now

  • Try to be aware of what youre feeling and don’t push it away

  • Don’t shut it off, don’t suppress it

  • One way to do this is through meditation

  • And begin

  • Welcome to this 5 minute session for self acceptance

  • How are you feeling?

  • Don’t feel as much anxiety, you know?

  • Accepting everything as is and being able to really objectively go about doing things

  • rather than just filling my time with to-dos just to think about it, you know

  • Acknowledge the good just as there was a significant enough reason to end your relationship

  • There also has to be a lot of positive reasons that kept you in it

  • Okay. –Got it? –yeah.

  • One really positive aspect dating Brian was his outrageous personality over filled with laughter and love

  • We had a lot of good times when we didn’t have a plan

  • When we were eating Mexican food, singing karaoke, playing with animals at the pet shelter, watching horror films and out hash tagging each other on Instagram

  • I felt the best of times like nothing else mattered at all and the world was at our fingertips

  • It’s hard

  • I gotta hand it to Brian

  • Because he was everything to me

  • In the past 2 months, since we broke up, I spent a lot of time staying busy, doing other stuff

  • And there were a lot of things that I hadn’t really asked myself. But it seems frivolous at the time or pointless cause it was over

  • You know, you build your dailies and your lifestyle around someone else on your relationship sources

  • When youre single, it’s just you, so I wanna go back to just being me

  • You know, you kind of feel like almost lame sometimes but then I gotta remember I can be fun

  • Lastly, focus on your best qualities

  • Breakups often leave us feeling like our world is crumbling, like were worthless

  • So it’s important to reassert your self-worth

  • And really internalized that you have value

  • We had them write down the 5 best qualities, the 5 greatest things that they had to offer

  • And handed it to a rapper

  • Celebrate, celebrate, were gonna celebrate you. –Celebration

  • Money, money, money, yeah, yeah

  • This one is for you. You got it. Yeah.

  • This one goes out to my man Scott. Mr. reliable, I’m loving it, a sensitive guy

  • Ms. Independent like a Ne-yo song

  • So forward thinking that youre beyond smart

  • Do what you do. Get the best of the best

  • Youre the queen of the crime. Never set up for less

  • Is that what you want? Raising the bar

  • No more dating ancient grandpas

  • Here we go, Sarah, working hard all day

  • Love is a drug, don’t overdose

  • Go for gold, hold your own.

  • Youre the best around, karate kid song

  • After they were done, we tested their current level of happiness

  • We saw an average increase of 13% and jumps as high as 31%

  • So yeah, maybe you can’t change where you are, but there is a healthy way to work through it

  • Don’t look at the relationship as a failure

  • Recognize it as an experience that made you smarter

  • In correlating breakups with addiction, researchers prove something weve known right from the start

  • Time really does heal all wounds

  • I’m Julian and thank you for watching this season of The Science of Love

  • Soul Pancake. Subscribe

So just go at it? –Go at it!

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B1 US breakup relationship money money celebrate addict addiction

12-Step Program to Get Through a Breakup | The Science of Love

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