Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • That's a really good point. And did you consider -- hey, listen. Hi. James, from EngVid. A

  • lot of times, students want to learn conversational skills so they can start a conversation. But

  • when they do start these conversations, they tend to find that they're not included. Today's

  • lesson is how to include yourself. So it's a conversational skill about how to take a

  • conversation or -- yeah. Take your part in a conversation. Are you ready? It's going

  • to be fun. I'm going to teach you two techniques that have two different uses, all right? So

  • you can see here, E is saying, "Wow, Bob. That's a good point, but --". And the second

  • point he says is just, "Listen!" All right? Let's go to the board.

  • The "listen" one is called a "single-word imperative". All right? Why do we use it?

  • Well, you're in a conversation with somebody, and they're saying things you don't necessarily

  • like, and they're talking, and they're talking fast and loud and being, you know, very demonstrative

  • and showing their hands and talking. And you want to get in there, but you don't know how

  • you can break into the conversation to say something or comment because maybe you don't

  • like what they're saying. You do something like this: [snaps fingers] "Stop." What did

  • I do? I just said, "Stop." One-word imperative. An"imperative" is an order. And the funny

  • thing about the human brain is we've been trained since we were children to listen.

  • Remember when you were running, and your parents would go, "Stop!" Or they would go, "Listen!"

  • Or they would say, "No!" They didn't say sentences; they said one word. So we've been trained

  • for this. But it's very blunt, and we use for children or even dogs. Okay? I'm not saying

  • people are dogs. They're children. But it's very effective because we're conditioned for

  • one-word imperatives. As you get older, we learn to be more polite. So you say, "Listen

  • to me, please. Can you stop saying that, please?" We add politeness. But in a situation where

  • you need to stop someone immediately, the one-word imperative works because it gets

  • right to the point; it gets directly to the person. And what it does is -- look. It draws

  • attention to the intended action. "I don't want you to stop talking. I want the conversation

  • to go, but I want you to stop." Got it? So when I say "stop", you will stop speaking

  • because you're going to be, in your brain, "Stop what? What am I doing?" And that gives

  • an opening for me to come into the conversation. Or, "No." People are like, "No? No what?"

  • Because you don't explain, it raises their curiosity, and they're like, "Why did you

  • want them to stop? Why did you say 'listen'? Why did you say 'no'?" That stop in the conversation

  • allows you to step into the conversation and say what you need to say, okay? See? Stops

  • conversation. Words you can use as examples are "no", "stop", and "listen". And don't

  • explain it. Because when you do say, "Listen to me, please. Listen to me", it's almost

  • like you're saying, "You're not listening. It's not fair" and you're being a baby.

  • Now, I'm telling you; this is kind of rude. So don't think I'm telling you this is a good

  • way to start friends. That's why I said when you're in a situation where the person saying

  • something you may not agree, like, "All women should not work", you might say, "Excuse me?"

  • Don't say "excuse me"; just say, "Stop." They'll go, "What?" And then you go "boom". You say

  • your part right there. Right? You can say it for almost anything. It's immediate, and

  • it stops action. But it might be considered rude.

  • So what's an alternative? You don't want to be rude, but you want to be heard, and you

  • wanted people to come to your side, maybe agree with you. I've got another way of doing

  • it. This is called the "compliment and steal", okay? We use a compliment and a conjunction.

  • Notice I said "imperative" here. Well, we use a conjunction. What does a conjunction

  • do? It brings two statements together, right, and joins them. So the ideas are kind of linked

  • together. "I am happy, and I am nice." "And" makes the two come together. "I'm happy, and

  • I'm nice." Well, we're going to use this method to take the conversation from someone. Well,

  • why? People love compliments. Have you ever had someone say to you, "You look nice today,

  • and --"? And then you wait. "And what? And what? I look nice and what?" Or, you know,

  • "And I really love your car, and --." It grabs your attention, right? So when someone gives

  • you a compliment about you, naturally, you like it, so you listen, you focus. And when

  • they say "and", usually, we're waiting for more of a compliment. Right? This is why it's

  • kind of a bit sneaky.

  • So when you use the compliment, it draws attention from the speaker. So the speaker goes, "Huh?

  • What did you say about me? Aw, that's so nice." Right? But it also draws the attention of

  • the audience. Remember: Whoever's speaking, people are listening to. So if the speaker

  • stops speak and looks at you to say, "Thank you", then everybody else will look to see,

  • "Who are you talking to? Who is the speaker speaking to?" So now, you have the speaker

  • and the audience looking at you. Now it's time to lower the boom, as we say. Hit 'em.

  • Because of this, they've got all their focus on you. They're focusing on your conjunction.

  • So you could say something like, "Gee, Bob. That's a good point." He'll go, "Yes." "But

  • did you consider --." Now, they're focused. They have to respond to what you said. And

  • the audience is looking because he gave you it. So you've taken -- you didn't even take

  • it. The speaker gives you the conversation, okay? Because when they give you attention,

  • they give you the conversation for you to do what you like. And because you gave them

  • a compliment, they open the door with a smile and wait. And then, when you hit them, they

  • have to respond to that. Cool, huh? You get to say your piece, and everybody's looking,

  • and you've been nice about it. Over here, you're just saying, "Stop". They stop. You

  • have to go.

  • Now, we're going to take a second. And in the next point, I'm going to finish off what

  • we're doing here, okay? Ready?

  • So we talked about the two techniques. They seem very simple, but I'm telling you, they're

  • powerful. Because one, you might want to use it to demonstrate that you're an individual,

  • you have opinions, and you want to be respected; or -- sounds bad, but you don't respect the

  • person who's speaking; you don't want to give them -- you know, be polite.

  • The second one is a bit more polite, showing respect. So when we look here, okay, the single-word

  • imperative -- it's a pro: It's direct. "Listen" "stop." "No." It's direct, and it's honest.

  • People know that you're not happy or you don't agree, and you're saying it directly. You're

  • not trying to make friends; you're trying to make a point. So use it when you have to

  • be strong in a meeting or something. Right? Even with friends. "Let's go drinking." "No."

  • Don't say, "No. I don't want to." Just say, "No." They will ask you questions and give

  • you the attention, all right?

  • Problem, con. It can be seen as rude because you're not the treating them as equals. You're

  • treating them as an "I'm stepping away from you. I'm saying this. And that's the way it

  • is." The second thing is it takes respect away from the speaker because you're not engaging

  • or you're not speaking to the speaker like, "Hey. You know, I was just thinking -- you

  • were saying --." No. This is it. It's done. My respect for whatever you said or where

  • you're going: It's not there. So know that you're doing that, okay? It's a fine line

  • we walk, which means you have to be careful. Okay? You don't want to be rude, but you do

  • want to be honest and direct.

  • How about the "compliment and steal"? Using conjunctions with a compliment, remember?

  • "And" or "but" to take a person one way and then take it away. Well, number one, pro:

  • gives you the conversation. Literally. The speaker will go, "Oh, thank you. I'm glad

  • you appreciate my point. Or you agree with this?" Because I could say something like,

  • "Hey. I really like what you said when you said this. However --." And boom, you just

  • hit them. Okay? The audience listens to you. Remember? The audience, it was listening to

  • the speaker. As soon as the speaker addresses you -- which means says, "Really? And what

  • did you like?" -- as soon as they do that, not only do they give it to you, they bring

  • the audience to you. You don't have to go, "Please, everybody. Listen to me." They give

  • it to you. Cool?

  • Here's what we call a "con". A "con" means "not good". It can be seen as manipulative

  • because you're giving a compliment just to take the conversation. So as much as this

  • is rude, you have to be careful how you use this. Some people think, "Oh, you didn't really

  • mean what you said. You just wanted to --." "No. I meant it. That was a good point." So be

  • honest when you say it if you do like something they're saying. Or my favorite is to say this.

  • "I agree that you said that." And if you listen carefully, I didn't say anything. All I said

  • is "I agree that you said this statement." It doesn't mean I agree with anything you

  • said, okay? And I can say that. "Hey. I didn't say I liked that. I just agree that you said

  • that, and you think it's true. It had nothing to do with me. However --." All right?

  • So on that note, I've given you two powerful techniques for conversation. You can try it

  • at work or at play with your friends or at home with your mom, all right? "Mom, dinner's

  • really good. However, portion size is not to my liking." All right? Anyway, look. Have

  • a great day. Listen. We have to go. See? That was wrong. I should just say, "Listen." And

  • then he stops. "We must go. We must go." See? Use those imperatives, people. Also, there's

  • another lesson on how to make imperatives nice. We really work with you at -- where?

  • Www.engvid.com, "eng" as in "English", "vid" as in "video", where you can take this lesson,

  • take the test, right, and other lessons. Fantastic teachers -- we have Ronnie, and we have Valen

  • and Alex, and -- I can't remember them all. Have a good one.

That's a really good point. And did you consider -- hey, listen. Hi. James, from EngVid. A

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

A2 US conversation compliment listen speaker imperative rude

Conversation Skills - How to STEAL a conversation

  • 5306 757
    Hang-quei Chiu posted on 2014/08/25
Video vocabulary