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  • Yeah, so just a few days ago, the world found out that the rapper DMX, Earl Simmons had died and like you, I also was a big fan of his music.

  • I I still remember the first time I heard party up back in the year 2000, I was in the east village in New York City with a buddy of mine and he placed me directly in the center of his speaker system and he just crank that sucker and uh it was absolutely amazing and I kind of spent those couple years really getting in tune with the vibration of DMX and it was important to me, I was the same age as DMX, We would have both been 50 this year, both are 50 this year and, and we also at that time were both drug addicts and had a lot of rage and anger inside of us and I could never express my rage and anger the way the DMX did and I'm so grateful that he could because as a young man, I really needed to know that I wasn't alone in that anger and to know that it could be expressed and I could say those lyrics and I could feel those beats in that music really pushing me through that, that human pain that's that's universal to all of us.

  • And and I was surprised the past couple of days of how much this this death affected me.

  • I mean, normally death, they just don't affect me that much.

  • I kinda roll with them and roll forward, but I keep coming back to DMX and I think it was because, you know, he couldn't find a way out from this addiction to drugs and I was fortunate to find a way out.

  • And about 20 years ago I moved to the UK and I finally walked away from my, my life is as an addict and that's what happened to me in new york city.

  • And I've told this story before.

  • I I tell it in depth and uh a movie I made a few years ago called Iron Mind where I became a heroin addict when I was in New york city.

  • I used to snort that garbage and that was my way of escaping from my anger, my disappointment with myself, my frustration with the world and myself.

  • That was a way of me being disconnected and not being present in those, those two painful emotions that I just couldn't deal with.

  • And uh, I was, I was fortunate to find a way out.

  • I still don't know how or why I found a way out, but I did.

  • I came to London, my home now.

  • I I took up martial arts, which I think had a lot to do with it.

  • And I found a way to channel that anger and rage in a way that wasn't destroying myself in some ways.

  • It made myself better through this art of physical practice.

  • And also tried to analyze why, why was I so angry?

  • Why was my behavior not congruent with my happiness and my purpose in my life?

  • And unfortunately DMX didn't find that and he struggled with drugs and addiction right up until this year when he died.

  • And I don't know the exact circumstances of his death, but I think everyone knew he was still a drug user and I know what that's like and I could see and feel the pain in him, we could feel the pain inside DMX, that's what made him so great.

  • That's what hey man, so um so wonderful, so creative because he was able to channel that anger and disappointment and rage that we all feel, it's hard to be human, the human experience is designed to be a challenge, You know, it really is, it's designed to be one of the most difficult challenge challenges on earth and TMX couldn't find a way through that challenge, but at the same time he was a way to he was able to articulate that challenge in an incredible way.

  • If you listen to him and I watched a couple interviews with him recently, he did one with dr Phil that I posted on my social media, you should watch it, and he said I did a prayer to God and every album and most people are like wow, I thought your albums were about anger and hate, but he would have a prayer, he would have a word to God and he would always have a prayer on stage at his live events and he would say God, thank you for loving me, I don't know.

  • Mhm Uh huh.

  • He would say thank you for loving you, I don't know why you love me.

  • Uh huh.

  • Such a universal feeling in such a way I used to feel about my life and and again that DMX had an incredible way of articulating that and to be so vulnerable and raw like that as such a superstar on this stage, it's such a powerful thing to do and you have to respect a man who can do that, you have to respect a man who can who can be all that.

  • And I think that's why his death has caused so much reflection and sorrow around the world because either through watching his actions or through listening to his music, we knew that there was something real here, there's something real, something true that that man was channeling and truth is a rare commodity these days.

  • Uh, and something real is something we all can feel when it's real.

  • And uh, and DMX did that.

  • And uh, you know, I'm not saying we should salute everything.

  • He did a lot of things he did or something that not to be saluted.

  • Uh, a lot of things, most of us do our, but very few people can actually express that truth and that real nous in a way that we can all relate to.

  • And so yeah, I thought I would just make this video and say that, you know, it's, it was important sometimes for me to realize when I'm kind of going through and maybe you're going through this or, or with the death of someone else or maybe a realization with someone else.

  • And it's okay, you know, to feel that way.

  • Um, it's always even better to know why you feel that way, and also to learn from this and I see what happened to DMX and part of me feels like, wow, I wish I could have helped him overcome those addictions and channel that in some positive way and I feel like I could, but I don't know, maybe that wasn't possible, you know, maybe some people are, are gonna find that chance and some people never will find that chance and I'm sure it's not any easier when you're a celebrity and everybody wants to give you a way out Or is gonna want to love you for something you did before and always cut you a break.

  • You know, when I went through my struggles of addiction in 2001 in New York City, everybody left me, all my friends and all my, all my, everybody just walked away from me because I had ruined my life and it was a great signal to me to get my act together.

  • Um and uh you know, that was such a benefit and I don't know if someone like that in that celebrity place is ever really can hit that rock bottom because there's always someone out there that wants an autograph or wants them to, you know, do a deal or something.

  • And so I I don't know the details of what happened to DMX, but I just want to say, you know, wherever you are sir, um we appreciate you, we appreciate you for your honesty, we appreciate you for channeling something that will live on forever, You know, truth and human real nous is something that, that uh it's never gonna go out of date and so I appreciate that for you and I just want to say to anyone else out there who's struggling with life.

  • You know, life is a challenge.

  • And all I can say to you is that I learned when I was present and try to be present with those challenging emotions and I still go through them um and to not try to mask them with uh substance abuse or anything to get your mind off that, to alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, whatever it is, to get you out of the present moment to just try to be with that pain and feel with that pain and ask yourself why am I feeling this?

  • And am I continuing the cycle of that pain?

  • Am I, am I uh am I losing my happiness or trying to find happiness where I lost my happiness?

  • These are questions.

  • And it took me many, many years to change my behavior and I'm supposed to be a smart guy.

  • Um but this is something that affects all of us as humans.

  • It doesn't matter how smart you are, how rich you are, how gifted you are, what country you're in, We all struggle from these issues.

  • So I just want to send peace out to anybody who's, who's having a hard time with this right now, who um who is in in that similar mindset that girl was in, where he just couldn't find a way out and couldn't find a way to get through some of that anger and rage and feeling of maybe inadequacy, um that there is a way through, There always is a way through.

  • Um, and it's somewhere deep inside you and it comes when you start changing patterns of behavior and actions and and maybe trying to do something ultimately.

  • That's a service.

  • That's what allowed me to find my way out.

  • And, and those are my thoughts.

  • Um, so again, if you want to know more about my whole story with addiction, I made a whole movie about it.

  • I won't go into the details now, but it's something I'm also so very, very, very grateful for that.

  • That happened to me.

  • It really is something that I'm so proud of that I overcame.

  • I have so many lessons from it today.

  • I will never go back to those depths because I've learned such a strong lesson and I think it's brought me to where I am today and every thing that you think is a failure in your life.

  • If it does not kill you.

  • As Nietzsche once said, it will make you stronger if you can learn from that failure.

  • And so I've had some very low lows, but they've all brought me to incredible highs and I'm sure I'll have more and I'm sure I'll learn more and thus this is the human experience.

  • And if we can share it with each other, um, then it makes it a little bit easier being human on this planet.

  • So as I said, rest in peace, DMX thank you in many ways, those lyrics help save me as a young man by knowing that I wasn't alone in those feelings, that I could channel those feelings in a, in a lyric and a vibe in a song.

  • Um, it makes a big difference and I appreciate all the people out there that create art that allows us to know we're not alone in this, in this.

  • What can be very painful human experience and also a very beautiful human experience.

  • And so that's it.

  • I hope this has helped you in some way.

  • And uh, and I hope uh I hope you can find peace in this life.

  • I think that's why we're here and I think we're here to help each other find that peace.

  • And uh mr L.

  • Simmons, I'll see you on the other side, brother piece Yeah.

Yeah, so just a few days ago, the world found out that the rapper DMX, Earl Simmons had died and like you, I also was a big fan of his music.

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Why The Death of DMX Hit Me So Hard - We Were Both Drug Addicts, Both 50 & Both Struggled With Anger

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/04/11
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