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  • -Well, guys, welcome to "The Tonight Show At Home Edition."

  • So, as you can see,

  • I'm doing the show from a trailer

  • and, I got to say, I'm loving it.

  • It's fun to do a show where the entire set

  • could start rolling backwards down a hill at any moment.

  • Let's get to some news.

  • This is a big story.

  • I saw that several White House staffers

  • have been asked to resign

  • for an interesting reason. Listen to this.

  • -The White House confirmed today that five staffers

  • have been asked to resign over past marijuana use.

  • Several others are working remotely

  • while their status is under review.

  • The staffers weren't totally shocked.

  • They'd been paranoid about it for weeks.

  • Yep, President Biden said you can't work in the White House

  • if you smoked weed.

  • Then, Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama were like,

  • "Ri-i-i-ght.

  • That's right."

  • That's right, Biden isn't messing around.

  • Anyone who smoked has been reassigned

  • from the White House

  • to White Castle.

  • Speaking of the president, earlier today,

  • Biden had a little trouble boarding Air Force One.

  • [ Laughing ] Watch this.

  • -Watch your step!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughing ]

  • Man, what do you need, like a third railing?

  • That's basically everyone's March Madness bracket

  • in 24 hours. [ Laughs ]

  • Usually, after a third trip, people are like,

  • "Forget it. I'm just going to sleep here."

  • White House staffers were like, "Um,

  • have you been smoking weed?

  • [ Chuckle ]

  • Meanwhile, Vladimir Putin was like --

  • [ As Putin ] I swear, I had nothing to do with that.

  • By the way, grease the steps on the way down, too.

  • Put banana peel on the last step.

  • So, if you're keeping track this week,

  • Biden has fought with Russia, North Korea, China,

  • and, now, stairs.

  • Well, this is good -- a wax statue of Trump had

  • to be taken down in San Antonio

  • because visitors kept punching it.

  • Can we see the statue?

  • Yikes.

  • Well, in honor of it being removed,

  • let's take a look back at some of the other wax statues

  • we've lost over the years.

  • -♪ In the arms

  • Of the angel

  • Fly away

  • From here

  • May you find

  • Some comfort

  • Here

  • [ Laughing ]

  • Oh.

  • [ Sniffle ]

  • Gone, but not forgotten.

  • Some business news -- I saw that Facebook's working

  • on something pretty interesting. Listen to this.

  • -Facebook is building a version of Instagram

  • designed for kids under the age of 13.

  • The social media giant said the kid-friendly version

  • is intended to allow children to use the platform safely.

  • -It'll be worth it, just to see

  • a bunch of artsy photos of your kids' Lunchables.

  • It's actually perfect for every parent who's like,

  • "You know what my kid needs?

  • More screen time!

  • I keep saying that."

  • Get this -- the CDC just announced

  • that kids at school actually only need

  • three feet of distance between each other.

  • When the teacher said, "Okay, class,

  • how many inches are in three feet?"

  • The kids are like, "We don't know.

  • We just had Zoom school for a whole year."

  • Some sports news --

  • March Madness is officially underway.

  • Right now, everyone's Netflix is like,

  • "[ Gasping ] Finally, a sub!

  • I've been on the court for a year."

  • In the first game today,

  • Florida defeated Virginia Tech 75-70.

  • Finally, a reason for college kids in Florida to party.

  • [ Laughs ] I feel like Andy Rooney.

  • That's who I feel like.

  • [ As Rooney ] You ever notice

  • March --

  • What are they so mad about, March Madness?

  • Meanwhile, number 1 seed Gonzaga is undefeated

  • and, tomorrow, they take on 16th seed Norfolk State.

  • When they saw the matchup, Norfolk was like,

  • "We are so Norfolked."

  • And, finally, police in Michigan posted on Facebook,

  • offering a $1,500 reward

  • for the return of a Ronald McDonald statue

  • that was stolen from behind a local McDonald's.

  • The police got a ransom note that just said,

  • "Bring back the McRib."

  • Well, good news -- it's actually been returned

  • and I think we have a photo of the statue.

  • That was my monologue.

-Well, guys, welcome to "The Tonight Show At Home Edition."

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Biden Takes a Tumble, Trump’s Wax Statue Takes a Punch | The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/20
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