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Hey, the Oscar nominations came out yesterday morning.
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Once again, we were snubbed.
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They keep saying it's because we're not a film and we're a talk show - Whatever.
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They made the announcement at 5:00 in the morning.
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They always do it at 5:00 in the morning.
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I don't know why they do it so early.
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It's like the sign in my kitchen says; "Don't tell me the Oscar nominations till I've had my coffee."
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I don't know about that sign.
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Spoiler alert: I'm going to talk about movies right now, so hopefully, you know about them.
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Okay, here we go.
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Movies are visual expressions of stories.
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A camera takes a bunch of still pictures and records them onto a filmstrip.
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And when a projector shows those images in a row, they appear to be moving.
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I'm sorry if I ruined it for anyone.
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It's a strange year for Oscars because none of us actually went to the movies; almost everything was streaming.
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I never thought that 2020 would be a year where it would be easier to go to Mars than a movie theater.
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So many great movies that were nominated, though.
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"No Man's Land" was nominated for Best Picture.
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I don't know if you saw that or not.
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Um, It's, uh, it's about a woman who leaves her home and spends all of her time in her car, which is basically anyone in LA trying to get to work.
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They have a lot of traffic here, so that's the joke.
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"Mank" was also nominated.
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It's about a screenwriter who wrote "Citizen Kane."
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"Citizen Kane" is about the rise and fall of a newspaper tycoon.
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And a newspaper was the thing that used to come to your door every morning with a bunch of stories in it that you would read.
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And reading was this thing that people did before we watched TikToks all day.
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And then tick-tock is what my Nana called clocks when she was drunk.
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Will you go look at the tick-tock and tell nana the time?
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She didn't know where we were, she would just do that.
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So, uh, congratulations to "Mank."
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"The Trial of Chicago 7" was nominated.
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Uh, I don't know if you all saw the Trial of Chicago 1 through 6, but the 7th one is great, and I am waiting for the trial of Chicago 8, Chicago Drift, so that'll be good.
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A lot of great actresses are nominated this year.
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Carey Mulligan, Andra Day, Viola Davis, Frances McDormand, and Vanessa Kirby.
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Um, it's a shame because Meryl Streep is going to win.
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She wasn't nominated, but my money's on her - That's how good she is.
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A lot of great actors were nominated, too, uh, including Steven Yeun, who is nominated for "Minari."
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First Asian-American nominated for Best Actor.
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Congratulations, Steven.
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That is one award Meryl Streep cannot steal from you.
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I want to congratulate all the nominees.
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You're all winners until they announce the actual winners, and then some of you won't be winners.
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Some of you will be, but most of you won't, and it's okay because in the end, we're all winners, except for the people who didn't win.