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  • ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME BACK.

  • YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT

  • DOING THIS SHOW IS GETTING TO TALK TO ALL SORTS OF FASCINATING

  • PEOPLE.

  • BUT IT'S HARD TO FULLY EXPLORE A GUEST'S PSYCHE IN JUST TEN

  • MINUTES OVER ZOOM.

  • WHICH IS WHY WE HERE AT THE LATE SHOW CREATED "THE COLBERT

  • QUESTIONERT."

  • IT'S A SERIES OF 15 QUESTIONS SCIENTIFICALLY CALIBRATED TO

  • REVEAL A PERSON'S TRUEST SELF: EVERYTHING FROM YOUR PRIMAL

  • FEARS TO YOUR FAVORITE SANDWICH TO THE SANDWICH YOU'RE MOST

  • AFRAID OF.

  • AND I RECENTLY HAD THE PLEASURE OF ADMINISTERING THE QUESTIONERT

  • TO HOLLYWOOD LEGEND BILLY CRYSTAL.

  • FORGET "WHEN HARRY MET SALLY"-- THIS IS "WHEN HARRY MET BILLY."

  • ♪♪♪ BILLY CRYSTAL, LOVELY TO HAVE

  • YOU HERE.

  • ALWAYS ENJOY.

  • AS I'VE ALWAYS SAID, A VACATION TO TALK TO YOU.

  • ONE TO HAVE THE PROBLEMS WITH THESE JOBS IS YOU GET TO MEET A

  • LOT OF PEOPLE, BUT IT'S HARD TO PLUNGE THE DEPTHS AND REVEAL THE

  • SOUL OF THE PEOPLE YOU'RE TALKING TO BUT I HAVE COME UP

  • WITH A FOOLPROOF QUESTION QUESTI ON FUNK AND WAG NAIL'S POMP.

  • SINCE NOON TODAY, I'LL ASK YOU THESE 15 QUESTIONS.

  • BILLY CRYSTAL, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?

  • >> PRESIDENT BUSH, JELLY, WHITE BREAD.

  • >> Stephen: SIMPLE, CLASSY, I LIKE IT.

  • WHAT'S THE ONE THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW

  • OUT?

  • >> HMM...

  • OH...

  • I GUESS MY BELL BOTTOMS.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE BELL BOTTOMS?

  • >> YEAH, I KEEP A LOT OF STUFF.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?

  • >> THE SPITTING COBRA.

  • >> Stephen: BECAUSE IT'S RUDE?

  • NO, BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD.

  • YOU KNOW, IT STANDS UP AND IT SPITS AND IF IT GETS IN YOUR

  • EYES, YOU'RE BLIND, THEN IT KILLS.

  • BUT, YEAH, IT'S ANY KIND OF SNAKE.

  • WE HAD A RATTLESNAKE HERE NOT LONG AGO IN THE FRONT YARD, AND

  • IT WAS REALLY TERRIFYING.

  • SO, YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?

  • OH, APPLES.

  • >> Stephen: OF COURSE.

  • YOU CAN PUT PRESID PEANUT BUTTER SLICE OF APPLE.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR

  • AUTOGRAPH?

  • >> OH, I STILL DO.

  • >> Stephen: WHO'S THE LAST PERSON YOU ASKED?

  • DO YOU HAVE ONE THAT COMES TO MIND, EVEN IF IT'S NOT THE EXACT

  • LAST?

  • >> THIS WAS INTERESTING.

  • I WAS AT A CLEVELAND INDIANS/NEW YORK YANKEES PLAYOFF

  • GAME AND I SAT NEXT TO A MAN NAMED LARRY DOBIE.

  • LARRY DOBIE WAS THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN TO PLAY IN THE

  • AMERICAN LEAGUE, WHEN JACKIE ROBINSON BROKE THE BARRIER WITH

  • THE DODGERS, OF COURSE, LARRY DOBIE WAS BASICALLY BUZZ ALDRIN,

  • WAS THE SECOND, AND HE PLAYED WITH THE CLEVELAND INDIANS.

  • I HAPPENED TO SIT NEXT TO HIM.

  • HE'S A VERY DISTINGUISHED MAN.

  • I ASKED HIM TO SIGN A BALL AND HE DID.

  • VERY LOVELY.

  • >> Stephen: HANK AARON, YOU HAVE BASEBALL PLAYERS.

  • >> I HAVE SO MANY.

  • IT'S A BIG PASSION OF MINE.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?

  • >> WE GO INTO SYNDICATION.

  • >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE?

  • >> RAIDERS"RAIDERS OF THE LOST A >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO GO

  • WITH YOU ON THAT ONE BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING LIKE MELTING

  • NAZIS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SMELL?

  • >> YES, MY NEWBORN BABIES.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF THOSE?

  • SMELL DOESN'T LAST VERY LONG.

  • YOU'VE GOT TO GET FRESH ONES ALL THE TIME.

  • >> WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE, NOTHING LIKE THE BABY SMELL.

  • >> Stephen: TOP TO HAVE THE HEAD.

  • LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.

  • >> MY NEWBORN BABIES.

  • >> Stephen: GOT IT, THE OTHER END.

  • >> YEAH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: EXEFER SIZE, IS IT

  • WORTH IT?

  • >> SURE, ABSOLUTELY.

  • >> Stephen: EVERY SINGLE PERSON I'VE ASKED THIS QUESTION

  • HAS LIED.

  • OKAY.

  • FLAT OR SPARKLING?

  • >> SPARKLING.

  • >> Stephen: LET'S HAVE A PARTY.

  • MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE?

  • >> THERE'S TWO -- WELL, ALL RIGHT, CALM.

  • >> Stephen: OH, THAT'S NICE.

  • DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE -- IT PLAYS SOUNDS, RIGHT?

  • >> THERE ARE SAYINGS, THERE IS MUSIC.

  • I JUST STARTED THIS DURING THIS HORRIBLE TIME.

  • JUST, LIKE, OOOH, WHAT IS THIS, AND I JUST PUT IT ON FOR A

  • LITTLE BIT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU GET TO LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE REST OF YOUR

  • LIFE, WHAT IS IT?

  • >> WELL, WE WOULD JUST -- WE JUST HAD OUR 50th WEDDING

  • ANNIVERSARY.

  • >> Stephen: MAZEL TOV.

  • THANK YOU.

  • AND THE SONG WE DANCED TO IS A SONG CALLED "THAT'S ALL,"

  • RECORDED BY NAT KING COLE.

  • ♪ I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU LOVE THAT LASTS FOREVER

  • AND THE PROMISE TO BE NEAR EACH TIME YOU CALL

  • AND A LOVE WHO'S BURNING BRIGHT CAN WARM A WINTER'S

  • NIGHT ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL

  • >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF.

  • ♪ I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU WALKS IN SPRINGTIME AND A HAND TO HOLD

  • WHEN LEAVES BEGIN TO FALL.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?

  • >> SEVEN.

  • >> Stephen: NO.

  • DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.

  • >> SEX, SEX, SEX, LAUGHS, SEX.

  • >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS, BILLY.

  • >> HOW DID I DO?

  • YOU ARE FINALLY KNOWN.

  • BILLY CRYSTAL, EVERYBODY.

  • THANK YOU, SIR.

  • >> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN.

  • >> Stephen: NICELY TO SEE YOU, TOO.

  • ♪♪♪ THANKS AGAIN TO BILLY CRYSTAL.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EMMY AWARD WINNING ACTOR AARON PAUL.

  • ♪♪♪

♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

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Billy Crystal Takes The Colbert Questionert

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/12
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