Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

  • EVERYBODY.

  • YOU KNOW WHO'S HERE IS JON BATISTE.

  • HEY, JON.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Jon: WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH

  • YOU?

  • >> Stephen: I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU IN A LITTLE CLUB AGAIN.

  • THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO IN THE CITY IS JUST GO

  • DOWN TO A LITTLE CLUB, SEE YOU PLAY, HAVE A LITTLE ADULT-- A

  • LITTLE ADULT BEVERAGE WITH MY LOVELY LADY.

  • AND THEN JUST-- IT'S THE MOST ELEVATING, ILLUMINATING,

  • RELAXING, ENERGIZING NIGHT.

  • YOUR MEDICINE, JON.

  • HOW LONG DO YOU THINK?

  • PREDICT IT.

  • HOW LONG BEFORE YOU'RE PLAYING IN A CLUB AGAIN?

  • >> Jon: WOOO"H" I'LL PROBABLY GIVE IT... I'M GOING TO SAY BY

  • THE END OF THE SUMMER WE'LL BE IN THERE, WE'LL BE SHABIN.

  • >> Stephen: I'LL TAKE THAT BET.

  • I'LL TRY TO BEAT THAT BET.

  • I'LL GO MIDSUMMER, I HAVE NO PLANS.

  • MAYBE EVEN THE BEGINNING OF THE SUMMER, WHO KNOWS.

  • BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO GET OUT OF HERE, JON.

  • IT'S GETTING TIME TO BE OUT OF HERE.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE CELEBRATING THIS FRIDAY--

  • CELEBRATING IS NOT THE RIGHT WORD.

  • MARKING, WE'RE MARKING THIS FRIDAY.

  • >> Jon: WHAT'S THAT.

  • >> Stephen: THIS FRIDAY IS ONE YEAR SINCE WE HAD TO BUG OUT OF

  • THE SULLIVAN TO GET AWAY FROM COVID AND EACH OTHER.

  • A YEAR, JON, THIS FRIDAY MARKS A YEAR.

  • >> Jon: MAN.

  • >> Stephen: ONE OF US DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OLDER.

  • >> Jon: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS LONGER THAN A

  • YEAR AGO.

  • IT FEELS MUCH, MUCH LONGER THAN A YEAR.

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE AN

  • AUDIENCE, OTHER THAN EVIE.

  • >> Jon: THAT'S A GOOD AUDIENCE.

  • >> Stephen: THERE IS NO BETTER AUDIENCE THAN EVIE, BUT I WISH

  • THERE WERE 400 OF YOU.

  • THAT'S ALL.

  • JON, DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC-- WHAT COMES TO YOU WHEN YOU THINK

  • OF A YEAR OF THIS?

  • >> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.

  • A YEAR...

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ( "AULD LANG SYNE" ).

  • >> Stephen: AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND.

  • >> Jon: NEVER, NEVER.

  • >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

  • THANKS JON.

  • >> Jon: YES.

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW I SPEND A LOT OF TIME FELLING THE

  • STURDIEST, MOST TOPICAL NEWS TREES, SHAVING THE FINEST OAK

  • PLANKS, RAISING THE TALLEST MAST, AND CAREFULLY DRAWING THE

  • PERFECT CAMBER ON THE SAILS TO CREATE FOR YOU THE MIGHTY VIKING

  • LONGBOAT OF NEWS THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

  • BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I STUMBLE ONTO A DIRTY

  • BEACH WHILE ON THE RUN AFTER GETTING CAUGHT MATCH-FIXING AT

  • AN UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB, SO I GRAB SOME HALF-EMPTY PLASTIC

  • BOTTLES, A TOWEL I STOLE FROM AN UNSUSPECTING RETIRED COUPLE,

  • THEN RIP SOME ELECTRICAL WIRE OUT OF A MOTEL SHUTTLE BUS,

  • WHICH I USE TO BIND IT ALL TO AN AIR MATTRESS I FISHED OUT OF THE

  • DUMPSTER BEHIND THE TWISTICREAM TO ASSEMBLE THE UNSEAWORTHY

  • CASTAWAY RAFT OF NEWS THAT.

  • IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN BLASTING AWAY AT CREATURES

  • IN "HALO" AND THOUGHT, "I WISH I COULD EAT THEM," GREAT NEWS:

  • PRINGLES AND MICROSOFT HAVE ANNOUNCED A "NEW 'HALO' POTATO

  • CHIP THAT TASTES LIKE SPACE OSTRICH."

  • NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD TASTE LIKE, BUT HOPEFULLY

  • THIS WILL BE A MORE SUCCESSFUL GAME CHARACTER FOOD PROMOTION

  • THAN WHITE CASTLE'S YOSHI SLIDERS.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN CRIME NEWS, FOOTAGE OF A VERY DRAMATIC ART

  • THEFT IN NEW YORK CITY CAME OUT THIS WEEK.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> THIS IS A WEIRD ONE.

  • NEW VIDEO SHOWS SUSPECTS SETTING UP A LADDER OUTSIDE A BRONX BAR

  • TO STEAL A PORTRAIT.

  • YOU SEE THEM HERE OUTSIDE ALFIE'S PLACE ON EAST 177th

  • STREET ON FEBRUARY 20.

  • POLICE SAY THE ONLY THING THEY TOOK WAS THIS HAND-PAINTED

  • PORTRAIT OF A DOG HANGING OUTSIDE THE BAR.

  • >> Stephen: HOW IN GOD'S NAME COULD THIS HAPPEN?

  • WHY WASN'T THERE A HIGH-TECH LASER SECURITY SYSTEM SET UP TO

  • PROTECT THIS PRICELESS MASTERPIECE OF A... SHEEPDOG

  • POUNDING JAMISON.

  • THE POLICE ARE ON THE OUTLOOK FOR THIS MAN.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN SEA SLUG NEWS, "THESE SEA SLUGS CAN

  • SELF-DECAPITATE AND GROW A NEW BODY."

  • SO, SEA SLUGS HAVE IT MADE.

  • I'M SORRY.

  • AM I KEEPING YOU WEAK?

  • SO, SEA SLUGS HAVE IT MADE.

  • DURING THE QUARANTINE, THEY THEY CAN POUND DOWN THE

  • SOURDOUGH AND DRINK NUTELLA, RIGHT OUT OF THE JAR, AND THEN

  • JUST CHOP OFF THEIR OWN HEAD AND LEAVE THEIR GARGANTUAN ASSES

  • BEHIND.

  • AT LEAST SCIENCE HAS FINALLY EXPLAINED WHY SEA SLUGS ARE ALL

  • SUCH SMOKE SHOWS.

  • MMMM, BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT-- SPECIFICALLY, THE HEAD.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, A DUTCH INVENTOR HAS CREATED A TEST

  • WHERE PARTICIPANTS STEP INTO AN AIR-LOCKED CABIN AND SCREAM.

  • PERFECT!

  • BEING CONFINED AND SCREAMING IS ALL I'VE DONE FOR A YEAR!

  • WHEN THE SCREAMING IS DONE, AN INDUSTRIAL AIR PURIFIER COLLECTS

  • ALL THE PARTICLES EMITTED, WHICH ARE THEN ANALYZED FOR THE VIRUS.

  • THE TEST CAN ALSO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT YOU RECENTLY HAD

  • GARLIC KNOTS.

  • CURRENTLY, THE TEST IS BEING CONDUCTED IN A BOOTH ON THE

  • OUTSKIRTS OF AMSTERDAM.

  • OH, I THINK I'VE SEEN THOSE BOOTHS.

  • DOES THE TEST ONLY WORK IF YOU'RE WEARING THIGH-HIGH BOOTS

  • AND A PINK WIG?

  • NO?

  • DIFFERENT BOOTH.

  • MY APOLOGIES.

  • ONE DUTCH PARTICIPANT RAVED, "IT'S ALWAYS VERY NICE TO SCREAM

  • WHEN NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU, THOUGH."

  • WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS ALSO THE SLOGAN FOR THE POORLY

  • TRANSLATED DUTCH VERSION OF "ALIEN."

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT MALE FROGS TRYING TO

  • ATTRACT MATES ARE "SUPER, SUPER LOUD," "BELTING OUT SERENADES

  • THAT CAN REGISTER AT MORE THAN 100 DECIBELS APIECE-- CLOSE TO

  • WHAT YOU'D HEAR AT A ROCK CONCERT OR A ROWDY NIGHTCLUB."

  • SO, HOW DO FEMALE FROGS DEAL WITH IT?

  • WELL, THEY CAN IGNORE THEM BECAUSE FROG LUNGS ARE BASICALLY

  • NOISE-CANCELING HEADPHONES, WHICH IS WHY I NEVER TAKE A LONG

  • FLIGHT WITHOUT THESE.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, CHIPOTLE IS LAUNCHING A MAKEUP COLLECTION.

  • GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO'S LOOKED AT A BURRITO AND THOUGHT,

  • "BOY, I WISH MY FACE LOOKED LIKE THAT."

  • THE NEW MAKEUP WILL INCLUDE A 12-COLOR EYE SHADOW PALETTE

  • INSPIRED BY CHIPOTLE INGREDIENTS.

  • SO, MOVE OVER, SMOKEY EYE, AND HELLO, BEAN BROW.

  • ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY $16.

  • PLUS, AN EXTRA TWO BUCKS FOR THE GUAC MASK.

  • WHEN WE COME BACK, I MAKE AN OFFER TO SMALL BUSINESSES

  • THROUGHOUT AMERICA.

  • THAT I HOPE THEY DON'T REFUSE.

  • STICK AROUND.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B1 TheLateShow jon stephen quarantine sea news

Quarantinewhile... It's Chipotle You Can Wear!

  • 0 0
    林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/10
Video vocabulary