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  • -Welcome, welcome to

  • "The Tonight Show," everyone!

  • [ Cheering and applause ]

  • Well, guys, it's Friday night!

  • [ Cheering and applause ]

  • The weekend is here. It's time to check out

  • New York's newest hot spot that's open all night long --

  • the Javits Center mass vaccination site!

  • [ Cheering and applause ] Ow-w!

  • -[ Imitates vuvuzela blasting ]

  • Yeah, since it's Friday,

  • let's kick off the weekend with some good news.

  • For the first time since the pandemic began,

  • a majority of Americans now believe the COVID situation

  • in the United States is getting better.

  • That's right, 60% of Americans are feeling good.

  • Then, people realized today was the last episode

  • of "Wandavision," and that number dropped to less than 1%.

  • [ Laughter ] But, still.

  • But, still, moods are definitely improving.

  • Today, everyone's Apple Watch was like, "Okay, superstar,

  • look who took 14 steps today.

  • [ Laughter and applause ] Keep up the good work."

  • Yeah, we're all excited for a future

  • that doesn't involve Clorox-wiping our bananas.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • We might even have a normal summer.

  • [ Cheering and applause ]

  • Like like there's a chance --

  • There's a chance I can be there in a packed stadium

  • the next time Dr. Fauci

  • embarrasses himself with that first pitch.

  • [ Laughter ] -Aw.

  • -Bwuh-buh.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Don't worry. Don't worry.

  • Why are you worried? I would never --

  • I'm not going to show your pitch.

  • I'm not going to show it.

  • -Okay. -But our director, Alex, might.

  • -Hey, man!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Ah-bweh-weh.

  • Not quite. Alright.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Ah!

  • [ Applause ] -Not funny.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Not only are people feeling better about COVID,

  • they're also feeling good about President Biden.

  • A new AP poll puts his approval rating at 60%.

  • We're living through strange times.

  • 60% approve of Biden

  • and 40% still believe Trump is president.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Speaking of Biden, yesterday, he met with members of the House

  • to discuss jobs and infrastructure

  • and I thought some of his remarks

  • were pretty interesting. Here, watch this.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -That's not all he said.

  • Later, this happened.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -What?

  • [ Laughter ] It's odd that he was just talking about that,

  • but he said other things, too. Listen.

  • [ Laughter ] Here he is, talking about --

  • Here he is, talking about the good old days.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Applause ]

  • Finally, he ended the meeting by --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • by saying this --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter and applause ] I'm just surprised nobody stopped him.

  • That's just insane, you know? Anyway.

  • Guys, Congress is getting close

  • to passing its COVID relief bill,

  • but Republican Senator John Kennedy

  • isn't supporting it and he used a pretty strange phrase

  • to describe the bill. Watch this.

  • -This feels dreadful.

  • Billions of dollars to pension programs;

  • billions of dollars to schools,

  • with no requirement that they open.

  • It's an orgy of pork.

  • [ Laughter and applause ] -Oh!

  • -If "orgy of pork" sounds familiar,

  • that's because it's the newest sandwich at Arby's.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Some more entertainment news.

  • I saw new photos from the "Space Jam" sequel,

  • starring LeBron James was just released.

  • But here's what's making the headlines.

  • The director said that they decided to make Lola Bunny

  • less sexualized than in the first movie.

  • And, if you're upset about this,

  • take a cold shower

  • [ Laughter ]

  • and, while you're in there, reevaluate your entire life.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I just wish Tom Brokaw hadn't retired

  • because I'd love to hear him read this story, like --

  • [ As Brokaw ] Cartoon vixen Lola Bunny

  • was redesigned to reduce her sexual appeal.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It's been a tough week for conservatives.

  • They're like, "We just want our bunnies sexy,

  • our children's books offensive,

  • and our potatoes with penises!"

  • [ Laughter ] -Oh! Oh!

  • -And, finally, listen to this --

  • there are new photos of a supersonic jet

  • that could someday fly from New York City to London

  • in 90 minutes. -Whoo!

  • -Check this thing out.

  • Look at that. Yeah, it's 90 minutes in the air

  • to London, and then another 90

  • to get spatula'd out of your seat.

  • [ Laughter and applause ] We have a great show, everyone!

-Welcome, welcome to

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Biden’s Approval Rating Hits 60%, Lola Bunny’s Space Jam Makeover | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/06
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