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  • YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RENDERING THE MOST CUTTING-EDGE

  • TOPICAL GRAPHICS, AND STRINGING THE NEWSIEST CUT-SCENES INTO AN

  • IMMERSIVE, NARRATIVE EXPERIENCE, TO CREATE FOR YOU THE

  • STATE-OF-THE-ART, VIRTUAL REALITY ROLE-PLAYING VIDEO GAME

  • EXPERIENCE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

  • BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBOR'S

  • GARAGE, STEAL AN OLD CARDBOARD BOX AND DRAW ON IT WHILE HUFFING

  • THE MARKERS.

  • THEN, I FASHION DICE OUT OF SOME TEETH I SWIPED FROM THE MORGUE,

  • SCULPT SOME GAME PIECES OUT OF THE CALCIFIED CHEWING GUM I

  • SCRAPE OFF THE BOTTOM OF A MOVIE THEATER SEAT, THEN INVITE YOU

  • ALL TO THE MOB-OPERATED, UNDERGROUND PARCHEESI LEAGUE OF

  • NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, A BELOVED CHICAGO TRADITION IS ABOUT TO

  • DIE: THE CITY WILL NO LONGER ALLOW THE HALLOWED CHICAGO

  • INSTITUTION OF USING HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS TO CALL DIBS ON PARKING

  • SPOTS AFTER SNOW REMOVAL, BECAUSE STARTING THIS WEEK, DIBS

  • OBJECTS WILL NOW BE REMOVED BY TRASH CREWS.

  • WHICH MEANS I ONLY HAVE A FEW MORE HOURS TO HOLD THE SWEET

  • SPOT I'VE BEEN SAVING AT THE CORNER OF WELLS AND EUGENIE

  • SINCE 1991.

  • PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT!

  • I'M HAVING A SOFA DELIVERED ANY DAY NOW!

  • DIDN'T YOU LIVE IN WELLS AND EUGENEIE OR WAS IT-- WILLOW,

  • WERE YOU GENE EUGINIE AND MINOMINI AND WILLOW, SHE LIVED

  • ON MY CORNER, I THINK.

  • YOU DONE MINE IF I JUST TOSS-- -- TOSS IN MY WIFE AT THE

  • END OF THE SHOW, JUST SAY T WE WON'T BE OFFENDED, IT WILL BE

  • FINE.

  • NO HARD FEELINGS.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN CALIFORNIA, "A PLASTIC SURGEON ATTENDED

  • VIDEO TRAFFIC COURT FROM THE OPERATING ROOM."

  • HERE'S A LOOK: >> UNLESS I AM MISTAKEN, I'M

  • SEEING A DEFENDANT THAT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OPERATING ROOM,

  • APPEARING TO BE ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN PROVIDING SERVICES TO A

  • PATIENT.

  • IS THAT CORRECT, MR. GREEN?

  • >> YES, SIR.

  • >> I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE, FOR THE WELFARE OF THE PATIENT

  • IF YOU'RE IN THE PROCESS OF OPERATING THAT I WOULD PUT ON A

  • TRIAL.

  • >> I HAVE ANOTHER SURGEON RIGHT HERE WHO'S DOING THE SURGERY

  • WITH ME SO I CAN STAND HERE AND ALLOW THEM TO DO THE SURGERY

  • ALSO.

  • >> NOT AT ALL.

  • I DON'T THINK SO.

  • >> Stephen: CLEARLY DID NOT IMPRESS THE JUDGE.

  • AND THAT DOESN'T BODE WELL FOR YOUR CASE IN TRAFFIC COURT.

  • "YOUR HONOR, I WAS NOT DRIVING RECKLESSLY.

  • I ONLY BEHAVE THAT WAY WHILE PERFORMING SURGERY.

  • NOW, CAN YOU RULE ON THIS SPEEDING TICKET QUICKLY?

  • THIS GUY'S FLAT-LINING AND I HAVE TO ZOOM IN TO MY

  • MALPRACTICE TRIAL."

  • GET ME ANOTHER QUARANTINE-WHILE, A NEW APP

  • CALLED "DEEP NOSTALGIA" BRINGS NEW LIFE TO DEAD ANCESTORS BY

  • REANIMATING OLD PHOTOS.

  • LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

  • WOW!

  • THAT IS SO UPSETTING, THERE HAS TO BE A GERMAN WORD FOR HOW

  • I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

  • THIS IS PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO EVER SAID "I WONDER WHAT GRANDMA

  • WOULD LOOK LIKE IF AN ALIEN HID INSIDE HER TEENAGE SKIN."

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, U.K. RAPPER SLOWTHAI HAS VOWED TO STOP

  • SPITTING IN PEOPLE'S MOUTHS AT GIGS THANKS TO THE CORONAVIRUS

  • PANDEMIC.

  • THAT'S A BOLD STANCE TO TAKE A YEAR INTO THE PANDEMIC.

  • NOW WE KNOW WHY HE'S NOT CALLED FAST-THAI.

  • DEVIL'S ADVOCATE: WHAT IS THE POINT OF SEEING YOUR FAVORITE

  • ARTISTS IN CONCERT IF THEY CAN'T SPIT IN YOUR MOUTH?

  • LAST TIME I CHECKED, THIS IS AMERICA.

  • IF I FORK OVER 80 BUCKS TO SEE BOB DYLAN LIVE, IT'S BECAUSE

  • I EXPECT A HARD RAIN'S GONNA FA-ALLL.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JANE FONDA.

YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RENDERING THE MOST CUTTING-EDGE

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B1 TheLateShow quarantine dibs surgery operating willow

Quarantinewhile... Evie And Stephen Wax Nostalgic Over Chicago's Lost Tradition Of "Dibs"

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/03/05
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