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  • -Our next guest is the host

  • of "Love About Town," available at Apple Podcasts.

  • Making her television debut,

  • please welcome the very funny Kenice Mobley.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi.

  • I see a couple of men here. A couple.

  • I do need to warn all of the men, okay?

  • The second all this is over,

  • I'm making out with everyone, okay?

  • Everyone.

  • I saw a couple kissing on the street,

  • and my first thought was, "Let me get in on that."

  • They did not like that. Okay.

  • They don't like it when you say that to them.

  • They're against it.

  • I am single right now, okay, at this moment.

  • But according to rom-com logic, I did go up to my roof

  • and I shouted, "I don't need a man!"

  • and, "I never want to get married!"

  • So he should be coming at any moment. Okay?

  • Do you guys, like, hear a helicopter?

  • I think he's on his way. I just --

  • I feel confident about it.

  • Look, truly, I don't know if I ever want to get married,

  • but I do know that I want my death

  • to ruin a man's life...

  • to the point where he has to do paperwork.

  • That's important to me. It is. It's very important to me.

  • I do see people I date from time to time.

  • I told my mom about one of the guys that I'm seeing,

  • and she was like, "Oh, that's nice, Kenice,

  • but, um, quick question.

  • Is he...

  • or...?"

  • Some of you look a little confused.

  • Yes, this is the white side of my hand,

  • this is the black side of my hand.

  • -Woman: Whoo! -Yes, yes, yes.

  • Which -- I think it's funny that, to my mom,

  • there are only two races of people.

  • What I actually said was, "Why, yes, Mom!

  • This time I got one with hands and everything, so..."

  • No, me and that guy pretty seriously

  • had the family conversation where I was talking about

  • starting one and he was letting me know

  • that he already had a wife and child, so fun times, fun times.

  • Completely unrelated question --

  • where do you guys stand on dogs with people names?

  • Some shrugging. Some side to side.

  • I don't know what that means. Okay, it's a mix.

  • It's a mix. All right.

  • I am for it, okay? I am for it.

  • I am for it because I think

  • it makes it clear who is okay with slavery.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • No, because if you are willing to take a living being,

  • you know, and name it Stephanie and put it in your basement

  • and tell it when it can eat and who it can love,

  • I just don't think that's a far stretch to owning people, okay?

  • I think about slavery a lot.

  • Because as I'm walking around, minding my own business,

  • I am constantly told

  • that I look like different civil-rights activists.

  • [ Scattered laughter ]

  • And it needs to stop.

  • That's rude that people would say that to me.

  • And I will take a smattering of laughter

  • because what happens far too often is a roomful of people

  • who just start shouting out suggestions.

  • Just "Sojourner Truth! Ida B. Wells! Bessie Coleman!"

  • The one that I get the most, the one that I've gotten

  • five times this year is that I look like Harriet Tubman.

  • -Woman: Aww. -I will take -- Aww. Thank you.

  • I will take your, "Aww, no," because what's happened

  • far too often -- Recently, it was terrible.

  • A man just was like...

  • "Yes! Ohh!"

  • Like he had been sitting there my whole set like,

  • "Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh. No.

  • Why do I think of emancipation

  • every time I look at that woman?"

  • And I explained it to him,

  • and he felt seen and I felt deeply hurt.

  • It's frustrating for a lot of reasons.

  • One, because when people are thinking of Harriet Tubman,

  • they're thinking of an illustration.

  • An illustration of an 80-year-old woman.

  • And it's like I know I look tired, okay?

  • I know, I know.

  • But is this the type of exhaustion that could only come

  • from picking cotton in a field?

  • Is that -- Is that what my face is giving?

  • And people are like, "Come on, Kenice, no.

  • It's the glasses. It's the glasses."

  • And it's like, "Oh, o-okay, it's...

  • it's just that Harriet Tubman didn't wear glasses."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • What would she need them for?

  • All that reading she couldn't do?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Kenice Mobley.

  • For more info, go to kenicemobley.com.

-Our next guest is the host

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Kenice Mobley Stand-Up

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/02/23
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