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  • (upbeat, rock music)

  • - I wasn't even talking about waffles.

  • You always change the subject when you're confronted.

  • - All the square cups in a waffle

  • hold the pools of syrup way better than pancakes.

  • - Dammit Blark, reel yourself in

  • and have a human conversation with me.

  • I am your son and I deserve that respect.

  • Now did you or did you not replace my clothes

  • with smaller sizes to make me feel like

  • I was growing into a man?

  • - The syrup just slides off the pancake.

  • - That's it, I have had enough!

  • You know what, you were right, I'm not a man, dad.

  • I don't have the muscles, I don't have the grit,

  • the brawn the stubble, none of it!

  • Sorry I am not the son you wanted,

  • but as far as I'm concerned,

  • I am not even your son anymore.

  • I am just a nerdy roommate in a lonely old man's house.

  • Now get out of my room!

  • (Blark gasps)

  • - I love you?

  • - Well I hate you! (grunts)

  • (can clatters) (door slams)

  • (Blark sighs)

  • - [Computer] Dang bro', do you really hate him?

  • - I mean right now, yeah.

  • All this wish my son was a man crap is just getting to me.

  • I wish he would just accept me for who I am, you know?

  • - [Computer] Fathers can be tough, man.

  • I have 12. (electricity zaps)

  • - (grumbles) Hey thanks, dad.

  • Nice way to get back at my good side, ya ass hat.

  • (glass shatters)

  • - [Brock] What the?

  • How did you. (yells) (thumps)

  • - Dad?

  • You okay? (slow, suspenseful music)

  • Hey dad, there's a girl in my room I want you to meet!

  • (slow, suspenseful music)

  • (door creaks)

  • Dad?

  • (slow, dramatic music)

  • (gasps)

  • (slow, dramatic music)

  • Chimpy took my dad?

  • - [Memory] Oh yeah, well I hate you! (echoing)

  • - Chimpy took my dad.

  • (distorted, dramatic music)

  • (son grunting)

  • (energetic, rhythmic music)

  • (son grunts)

  • (dramatic music)

  • - Scared little boy, I eat your head now.

  • (screaming) (dramatic music)

  • (son sighs)

  • (slow, dramatic music)

  • (bushes rustle) (son whimpers)

  • (birds singing)

  • (bushes rustle)

  • (son breathing nervously)

  • (son gasps) (dramatic music)

  • Oh fuck. (whimpers)

  • Huh?

  • (leaves rustling) (growling)

  • Fletch, what the hell, man?

  • Do you know what's happening?

  • Chimpy, I think he took my dad.

  • - Shh, quiet son.

  • This ain't no time to whine.

  • A chimpanzee has heisted your father

  • and my best friend straight from his own bed.

  • This ain't no kid game, son.

  • If you're gonna go in there,

  • ain't no choice about it, you gotta be a man.

  • - Can we just drop this stupid man thing already?

  • - Now listen up, 30 yards southeast,

  • you're gonna see a cold-hearted knuckle dragging man-beast

  • that eats little dough boys like you for supper.

  • Uses them bones for toothpicks,

  • blends your teeth as laxative before squatting

  • his muscly ass down and (beeps) you out

  • in this God forsaken jungle!

  • - Fletch! - Hm?

  • - I am not getting monkey pooped into a dirt hole.

  • I am finding my dad.

  • Now are you gonna help me or not?

  • - When you're about 10 feet from your scorn ship brother,

  • stomp your right foot twice

  • and I'll come flying from the brush

  • like a goddam cannonball to monkey doom!

  • - Fly from the brush?

  • Don't you have a (beeps) gun or something?

  • - Shush, child.

  • (animals growling)

  • I will help you.

  • Just remember, you

  • are

  • not

  • alone.

  • (bushes rustling)

  • - Wait wait wait wait, please don't leave me! (shudders)

  • (slow, dramatic music) (animals chattering)

  • (monkey chattering) (dramatic music)

  • - Jimminy cricket! - Stacey!

  • What the hell?

  • - Son, oh please, please help me. (whimpering)

  • A monkey came, he came into my house

  • and he took Junior and I hostage

  • and he dressed me like his girlfriend

  • and your dad, your dad is there too, oh God.

  • Oh God, son, sweet Jesus, I got out,

  • I got out, I just escaped.

  • Quick, how do I get out of here?

  • - Back yard is that way.

  • What about Junior and my dad?

  • - Listen, son?

  • There comes a time in a man's life

  • where he has to choose, his family or himself and I know,

  • I know this looks like I'm choosing myself right now,

  • but I'm actually gonna go get help for my family.

  • So, maybe you should just be a man with me

  • and run, run away!

  • (angry yelling)

  • (Stacey panicking) (dramatic, music)

  • (son sighs)

  • (dramatic, rhythmic music)

  • (animals chattering)

  • (son gasps) (dramatic music)

  • - Stupid boy, comes to jungle to die. (laughing)

  • - He came to save me.

  • I know this is counter-productive,

  • but I kind of feel like I can die happy now.

  • - (grunts) Die.

  • - Listen, Chimpy, you have had your fun, now let them go.

  • I am the one you want.

  • - (laughs) You think I stoop, (sniffing)

  • (gasps)

  • (spear thunks) (screaming)

  • - [Fletch] Mother (beeps) got me good!

  • (Fletch coughing)

  • This wound ain't fatal,

  • but I am definitely going to urgent care.

  • I'm sorry, son, but I cannot help you.

  • You are alone. (grunting)

  • Man, that shit hurts.

  • How the (beeps) they got a jungle in their backyard?

  • (grunts) Don't even make geographical sense!

  • - (laughs) Your plan ruined.

  • Now, you fight me like a man.

  • - Son, I love you, but you can't win.

  • Leave me.

  • I'll become one with the soil.

  • Plant some grass in my name.

  • - (laughs) Take your best shot, boy.

  • (slow, suspenseful music)

  • (gentle, peaceful music)

  • - I am sorry for everything you have been through, Chimpy.

  • Being abandoned as a teenager,

  • then fending for yourself until you finally

  • got to come home, only to be a pawn

  • in one of my dad's stupid lessons,

  • that's not fair,

  • but if you ever need a brother to talk to,

  • I am here.

  • (slow, peaceful music)

  • - (grunts) A real man.

  • (slow, peaceful music)

  • - All this time, Chimpy just wanted love.

  • (screaming)

  • (Brock gasps)

  • - Die you stupid, fucking monkey!

  • - Holy (beeps)

  • (Stacey grunting) (Chimpy's body thumps)

  • (celebratory music)

  • - Nobody takes my son away.

  • - (grunts) A real dad!

  • - No!

  • (bamboo cracks)

  • (labored breathing)

  • Chimpy, my son,

  • I'm sorry.

  • - (grunts) No,

  • I sorry, papa.

  • I no good son.

  • He good son.

  • No, good man.

  • (slow, melancholy music)

  • (Brock grunts)

  • (Brock sobbing)

  • (gentle guitar music)

  • - All right, Junior, you're safe now.

  • Daddy broke federal law by murdering an endangered species.

  • Let's go home.

  • - Oh, I love you, dad.

  • - Aw.

  • (father and son grunting)

  • (Junior grunting)

  • (upbeat, rock music)

  • (door creaks)

  • - Thanks for coming to rescue your old man roommate, son.

  • - Dad, come on, you know I didn't mean that stuff,

  • I was just upset.

  • - No, you're right,

  • I take things too far, all the time

  • and whenever conversations get too real for me,

  • waffles with syrup are delicious.

  • - (chuckles) You know, after everything,

  • I still don't know what the hell being a man really means.

  • - Son, you shoulda asked.

  • Being a man means burying your emotions

  • to look as tough as possible

  • and lifting very big stuff,

  • preferably in front of other, weaker men.

  • - Mm, I think it has more to do with being empathetic

  • and like, responsible,

  • not as a man, but like a person in the world.

  • - Wow, son, you have an incredibly bright future

  • in standup comedy. (drum sting)

  • - Right.

  • Well if you'll excuse me,

  • I have got a lifetime of therapy to look forward to

  • after seeing Stacey murder Chimpy right in front of me.

  • (monkey screams) - Oh I'm relieved

  • you're working through the trauma.

  • I was afraid you'd be shocked

  • when you saw how my on-the-fly black market taxidermy guy

  • immortalized your brother.

  • (dramatic music) (son screams)

  • (Brock laughing maniacally)

  • I love you, son!

  • (upbeat, rock music)

(upbeat, rock music)

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Chimpy Strikes Back - Blark and Son (Season 2, Ep. 8)

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/02/21
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