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  • Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana super dad. ♪

  • - This sale should be easy.

  • Tanner, we're not peddling manures to the Vatican,

  • we're selling medicine to sick people.

  • Put China on the line.

  • (speaks in foreign language)

  • (beep)

  • Am I in the wrong house?

  • (speaks in foreign language)

  • (music)

  • (Door knock)

  • - Hey Blark,

  • I was wondering if I could borrow some bedding

  • for a house guest I'm expecting.

  • I'd use mine, but (giggles)

  • I had to sell them,

  • for food to eat,

  • to live.

  • - Sure. Do you need them now?

  • Cause I sorta got a bird in my nest,

  • if you know what I mean.

  • - Blark, the romantic.

  • Ooh, la la.

  • I do. I really, really do.

  • Oh, thanks a ton.

  • I promise I won't get in the way of your, holy (beep)

  • that's my mom!

  • (music)

  • Blark, this is my mom, Frankie,

  • Mom, this is

  • - Blark.

  • I'm familiar.

  • I only needed to hear two words under this man's mouth

  • to know he served our country,

  • he's good with his hands

  • and has more life stories

  • and a God damn immortal.

  • - And I only needed to hear that you're Stacey's mom

  • wants to know that you're his mom.

  • - Okay. Well mom, I asked you to visit so we could talk.

  • So can we go?

  • - You have an extra bedroom stud muffin.

  • - I have a son's room.

  • He had sleep away space camp with a junior.

  • - Perfect.

  • Stacey, no offense,

  • but I prefer to stay in a home with a working heater.

  • So Blark, I'm in your room.

  • You'll take the living room.

  • Stacey, you'll be in son's room.

  • Also, whatever you're cooking smells like deep space evil

  • and it's drawing my contacts out.

  • - It's my signature soup, soup.

  • I make every batch by can.

  • - Don't care.

  • My assistant already ordered vetoes,

  • it'll be here at 7:00 PM exactly.

  • That means soup's gone,

  • table set by 6:45.

  • We'll eat Italian

  • and talk softly.

  • That work for everyone?

  • - No, I am not staying in son's room

  • for more than a night.

  • - Great.

  • You, get my luggage from the car

  • and organize my clothes in your closet

  • from black to jet black.

  • - Get out of the way.

  • (panting)

  • (door bang)

  • - Great to see you, honey.

  • - Oh.

  • (music)

  • - Ah.

  • - Blark, No.

  • Don't tell me

  • because you slightly picked my mother's interest

  • that you think I'm your son now.

  • I am not playing this game with you.

  • You can call me Stacey

  • and we can have a civilized conversation.

  • I will not answer to son.

  • - Son!

  • (beep)

  • (beep)

  • (beep)

  • (beep)

  • - Fine. What do you want from me?

  • - Stacey, now that I'm your pappy,

  • I think it's time we do some father, son bonding activities.

  • - This is, this is hell.

  • - We only have two options.

  • One, we scream break a wine glass in the garage together

  • or two, we egg our geeky neighbors, Stacey's house, huh.

  • - Shouldn't you be with your new, huh, girlfriend?

  • - Well, there's no question,

  • your mother and I go together like a shrimp Po'boy

  • in a Louisiana sunset

  • but since she's got here,

  • it's been all business and no Blark.

  • I'm starting to think she doesn't even like me.

  • - Blark, Blark.

  • My mother thinks I called her here to ask for money.

  • So she's using you to ignore me

  • so she doesn't have to face the reality

  • of having to bail me out again

  • and sadly, it's not even the reason I called her here.

  • I wanted to tell her that,

  • (music)

  • nevermind.

  • We just don't get along.

  • - You know I once brokered a peace treaty in 1957,

  • between two warring street gangs,

  • the Jets who were white Americans

  • and the sharks who were were to Puerto Rican Americans.

  • I can do the same for you.

  • - That's West side story.

  • - That West side story is my real life, life.

  • - Blark, I'm not son. You can't just.

  • - You are my boy.

  • I'm gonna patch up your she-dad relationship,

  • just like I did in 1933 with that cherry haired orphan

  • and her billionaire bald dad.

  • - That's Annie the musical.

  • (laughs)

  • It's a hard knock life, for Blark. ♪

  • It's a hard knock life, for Blark. ♪

  • (sighs)

  • (laughs)

  • - You Swanson's are a riot,

  • that's why I took the time to create this piece of art

  • to capture your bubbly love for one another.

  • - We look miserable.

  • Also, when did you even capture this?

  • - Oh, well I actually don't know.

  • - He's trying to do something nice, Mom.

  • No need to grill him.

  • Although I will say,

  • the heart shaped frame was a bad choice.

  • - I mean we're all in it

  • and I don't even own a printer.

  • - Kinda like the choice

  • to shut down your psychiatric practice

  • to write a pop finance book that bombed.

  • - Mom, that's not fair.

  • - Guys, seriously.

  • I think there's a Phantom photographer loose in my house.

  • - What's not fair,

  • is you having to keep calling Mommy for money.

  • Let me guess,

  • another book you've written went down in flames.

  • - Mom, (laughs)

  • Can we not do this?

  • - Okay. What's really baking my noodle?

  • Is how in the hell was this photo taken?

  • - Stacey, let's cut to the chase.

  • I'm done giving you money

  • but I'll make you an offer.

  • - Mom.

  • - Pack up the pants,

  • move back East

  • and help run the business with me

  • and your baby sister, Greg.

  • - I don't, I actually wanted to tell you,

  • - Stacey, this is my final offer.

  • - No, mom.

  • I'm not some (beep) client you can make offers to.

  • I have, I have spent my whole life

  • trying to do what you wanted.

  • I-I, I wanna write novels.

  • - You wrote a book.

  • - No, I wrote a pop finance book.

  • You wanted me to write

  • because you thought there was a market for it,

  • but I am done living my life by your standards.

  • I want to write fiction, fantasy, goblins, wizards, dragons,

  • magical, mythical mayhem

  • but every time I'd start,

  • I have your voice in the back of my head

  • yapping about how it's not a viable option.

  • Well I've got bad news to you Mommy,

  • it is a viable option

  • because I am an artist!

  • Yes, your worst nightmare, mom

  • and artsy, fartsy, struggling, sensitive, loser artist.

  • - Oh.

  • (sighs)

  • - I'm leaving.

  • - Hey, this baby bird just fell from the nest.

  • He needs his mama bird.

  • Now, I don't know about you

  • but my nest is a safe space for all sons

  • and I'd like to keep it that way.

  • Although this paparazzi Poltergeist is a legitimate concern.

  • - [Ghost] A little to the left.

  • - Oh, Stacey.

  • You are obnoxious, selfish, narcissistic,

  • probably an alcoholic and your own worst enemy.

  • - I appreciate you adding probably before alcoholic.

  • - But Blark is right, you are my son

  • and I should support you,

  • that's why I came,

  • that's why I always come.

  • Now, I don't understand goblins and wizards

  • but I'll try.

  • We'll go back to your place

  • and you'll tell me everything that's going on with you.

  • But before that, Blark,

  • you assertive, loving,

  • sensitive Falcon,

  • that was the God damn sexiest thing

  • anybody's ever done to me.

  • And you are wearing far too many clothes right now.

  • Take a hot shower,

  • put on an early eighties funk record

  • and meet me in your room in six and a half minutes.

  • Also, the blazer stays on, boys.

  • (music)

  • - Blark, that was such a breakthrough.

  • Thank you.

  • - Stacey, listen,

  • Frankie is a vicious otherworldly miniature of a woman

  • and I am very scared of her

  • but that doesn't mean I won't stand up

  • and face the heat for you.

  • We're family.

  • That being said,

  • I'm gonna go (beep) your mom.

  • (music)

  • (chattering)

  • (music)

Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana super dad. ♪

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Stacey’s Mom Has Got It Going On (feat. Jane Lynch) - Blark and Son (Season 2, Ep. 6)

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/02/14
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