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  • - I drank my urine in front of a guest this year.

  • - Like your actual urine?

  • - Pissed in a cup and swallowed it.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Hey guys, welcome to Stir Crazy.

  • The show that a global pandemic willed into existence.

  • My guest today is an actor,

  • comedian, and the next host of the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

  • It's the host of the Eric Andre Show, Eric Andre.

  • - What's up

  • - (laughs) That's what the kids say now, right?

  • Wassup?

  • - How are you at me?

  • Me likey.

  • - Me likey seeing you, sir.

  • I'm relieved that I feel

  • like you're Pavlovian response.

  • When you hear it's the Eric Andre Show

  • should be to destroy things,

  • but you're not doing that.

  • Thank you.

  • - No, I'm off the clock.

  • I'm very old now.

  • The show aged me.

  • - By the way, is this your apartment?

  • Your apartment looks remarkably like

  • a coffee shop in Los Angeles.

  • - I'm going to get my bathroom redone

  • so I'm like homeless during the day.

  • I'm a wanderer.

  • I'm a drifter.

  • I'm a loner.

  • Dottie a rebel.

  • Get a bio danke schoen.

  • Alone from night to night, ya find me?

  • Damn.

  • Papa's got a brand new bag. (chuckles)

  • - Oh no.

  • The meds have kicked in or they've run out?

  • What happened?

  • (both laugh)

  • - The SSRIs are long gone.

  • - I hear you've been making

  • a lot of cocktails in quarantine.

  • I've got my stash here.

  • Can you walk me through making

  • a delicious-- - Well what do ya got?

  • What ingredients you got?

  • (upbeat music)

  • - I got some mescal here.

  • I got some tequila, juices.

  • I got orange and grapefruit.

  • I got some limes.

  • I got gin, whiskey, campari, vodka.

  • - You can make a Paloma.

  • Do you have a jigger?

  • - [Host] I don't have a jigger.

  • I'm a novice man.

  • - Two ounces of tequila.

  • 1.25 ounces of grapefruit juice.

  • We'll do 0.75 lime.

  • 0.75 simple syrup.

  • - [Host] Any Bailey's?

  • I've got Bailey's here.

  • Should I add that to it?

  • - No, Bailey's necessary.

  • No gold Schlagger.

  • Club soda.

  • - Are you a happy drunk or an angry drunk?

  • What kind of a drunk are you?

  • - I'd say rum, happy drunk,

  • tequila, crazy drunk.

  • Vodka regular drunk,

  • whiskey angry drunk.

  • - Do you ever drink

  • while doing the Eric Andre Show

  • or is that a bad idea?

  • - No, just coffee.

  • On top of all the tensions.

  • My lips I'm off the clock.

  • I need the stress and anxiety

  • of my own Judaism boiling my brain

  • against my skull

  • or I'm not gonna

  • get anything done. - Right.

  • This is an exclusive, Eric.

  • This is our very first cooking segment.

  • - Put a garnish on there,

  • but like a lime wheel

  • or a grapefruit wedge.

  • Like a very thin, it should be able to float.

  • You drink with your eyes first they say.

  • You drink with your butt hole second.

  • You know what I mean?

  • (laughs) George Washington once said.

  • (man laughs)

  • In there.

  • How does it taste?

  • - That's like a Paloma.

  • From one talk show host to another,

  • I'm always looking for advice.

  • - I don't know (chuckles) if I have any good advice.

  • - Is making your guests feel comfortable--

  • - Is my ear pod thing over there?

  • - [Woman] What?

  • - Is my ear pod case over there?

  • - Have you been robbed?

  • What just happened?

  • Somebody.

  • - I got a hell's angel biker gang

  • all around me right now.

  • - (laughs) Is making

  • your guests-- - So what's your ad--

  • Uncomfortable?

  • - Well I was gonna say

  • is making your guests comfortable overrated

  • for a talk show host?

  • 'Cause it doesn't seem.

  • Yeah. (laughs)

  • Congrats.

  • - The right thing to do

  • is make them comfortable.

  • So my approach is

  • to do everything wrong.

  • - Is there a good ice breaker question

  • to warm up a guest?

  • - Our icebreakers this year was just...

  • Have you ever done coke?

  • And the guests would never want

  • to answer that on camera.

  • Another icebreaker would be.

  • Who would you rather (beeps) your mom or your dad?

  • (man laughs)

  • - Right?

  • Because everybody knows that answer already.

  • So you've got it at your fingertips.

  • - The truth is out there already.

  • I'm at a live coffee shop.

  • - Yeah, no mask up, man.

  • This is a PSA.

  • What's on the mask?

  • Oprah.

  • Oprah.

  • Oh yeah.

  • The inspiration for the Eric Andre Show.

  • Have you ever tried to get Oprah on the show?

  • - She always wants to do it

  • and we just don't have the time

  • to slot her in.

  • - Right, right.

  • (both laughs)

  • You slotted in Lorenzo Lamas

  • because you wanted him instead of Oprah.

  • - No, I wish.

  • - I know we're outside already,

  • but I'd like to get some air on myself.

  • I'm cooped up in my New York apartment.

  • Would you indulge me?

  • Can we go outside?

  • - Sure, let's do it.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Oh, look at this.

  • Is this your house?

  • What's that?

  • - No, it's a house.

  • It's a block away.

  • - How many people you think have been murdered there?

  • - I don't think you're committing fully to this bit.

  • I don't think.

  • - Me (laughs)?

  • - You're only like

  • half in the premise.

  • You guys did not flesh this out.

  • (man laughs)

  • I have notes and they're like,

  • all your act out is just like general Jew,

  • which is hovering.

  • Speakin' of Jews.

  • Here's a world war II beach.

  • (both laugh)

  • - We queued that up just for you.

  • - Oh and OJ.

  • And you gotta get my black side's attention.

  • You got OJ.

  • - Is it true

  • I've heard you were close friends with OJ Simpson.

  • Is that true?

  • - Yeah he's here at the coffee shop actually.

  • He got a job here.

  • The end.

  • (man laughs)

  • - Was that your favorite bit ever?

  • - I think I liked even better

  • your level of commitment.

  • You threw this bit under the bus.

  • - How dare you. (laughs)

  • So Eric it's been four long years

  • since the last season. - Yeah.

  • - What gives? - I put out the season

  • of the show like

  • with each presidential campaign.

  • - You also change up your look

  • on each season of the show.

  • This year you're somewhere in between

  • a Vin Diesel or a Pitbull.

  • - I look like Vin Diesel,

  • like six weeks after he died.

  • But so for season four, I lost weight,

  • got as pale as I could,

  • didn't brush or wash my hair.

  • Didn't use deodorant.

  • I just got like really dirty.

  • And then for the next season

  • I gained a bunch of weight.

  • I tanned every day.

  • I got rid of all my body hair.

  • I waxed my pubic hair

  • and I bleached my teeth.

  • And I would wear Brute cologne.

  • I did like everything on paper

  • that was like the opposite.

  • - How is the waxing of the pubic hair?

  • That sounds like a fun day.

  • - Horrible.

  • Brutal.

  • Never do it again.

  • Unbelievable pain.

  • (man chuckles)

  • Wouldn't wish it on my enemies.

  • You look like you play

  • a scientist in a movie with Morgan Freeman.

  • - (laughs) I would.

  • That's my goal in life.

  • Sir, if we don't stop the meteor

  • we're all gonna die.

  • How's that?

  • (man laughs)

  • - Lights, camera, show biz.

  • - Some provocative would you rather questions for you, Eric?

  • Are you ready?

  • - Yes.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Would you rather (beeps) your mom or your dad?

  • - Both.

  • - Same time?

  • Wow. - Hell yeah, dude.

  • That is one Thanksgiving

  • I will never remember, Brother bear.

  • - Would you rather live inside the but of Jennifer Lopez

  • or the stomach of Jack Black?

  • - Gotta give it up from a main man, J. Bulls.

  • Jack Black all the way.

  • (man chuckles)

  • - Would you rather have a two-foot long penis

  • or two foot-long penises?

  • - The former.

  • - Would you rather have a 12-foot-long penis

  • or 12 one-foot penises?

  • - The one and only. - You still just want--

  • - I want like an (beeps) octopus down there.

  • It's horrendous.