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  • >> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • THANK YOU.

  • STOP, STOP, HEY, YOU'RE TOO KIND.

  • WHAT?

  • NO.

  • STOP!

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • WOW!

  • YOU GUYS ARE TOO MUCH.

  • GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THIS, IT'S

  • THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

  • WE HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY.

  • WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HERE HANGING OUT WITH ALL OF US FOR

  • THE NEXT HOUR.

  • SO ON TONIGHT'S SHOW WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH MILA KUNIS, A

  • PERFORMANCE FROM ROBIN THICKE.

  • YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THAT.

  • BUT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

  • THE BIG WEEKEND IS COMING UP.

  • EVERYONE READY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY?

  • >> YEAH.

  • LOVE IS IN THE AIR.

  • AND SO IS COVID SO PLEASE PLAN ACCORDINGLY.

  • CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH.

  • YES, VAL EBB TIENS, ON SUNDAY.

  • I THINK WE'RE JUST GOING TO STAY IN THIS YEAR.

  • >> Reggie: GOOD DECISION.

  • >> James: YEAH, IT'S JUST INSANE.

  • WE STAYED IN LAST YEAR AND NOW THIS YEAR WE DEEPLY REGRET THAT

  • DECISION.

  • ARE A ROMANCE, I THINK ARE YOU A ROMANTIC GUY, REG, ARE YOU

  • ROMANTIC.

  • >> Reggie: I AM ROMANTIC BUT I AM OF THE SAME PHILOSOPHY AS

  • SUSAN WHICH IS I THINK VAL ENTIE'S DAY IS EVERY DAY.

  • >> James: OH, I DON'T THINK SUS BE-- I THINK SUSAN THINKS

  • VALENTINE'S DAY IS A CROCK OF [BLEEP].

  • >> PRETTY MUCH.

  • >> James: THAT SAY DIFFERENT THING.

  • >> Reggie: I GUESS THAT IS DIFFERENT.

  • >> James: AM I RIGHT, SUSAN.

  • >> YOU ARE CORRECT.

  • >> Reggie: OKAY, TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE, TOO MUCH

  • CONSTIPATION, TO MUCH ANTICIPATION.

  • >> James: THAT TOOK A TURN, THAT REALLY CHUMPED.

  • >> James: >> Reggie: THAT IS MY BIGGEST

  • CONCERN WITH CHOCOLATE.

  • >> James: CONSTIPATION.

  • >> Reggie: YES.

  • >> James: THAT IS YOUR CONCERN WITH VALENTINES.

  • >> Reggie: YOU KNOW, YOU WANT TO BE FRESH AND NIMBLE BUT

  • CHOCOLATE WEIGHS YOU DOWN.

  • >> James: SURE.

  • YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, OKAY.

  • THIS STARTED WITH THE QUESTION ARE YOU A ROMANTIC GUY.

  • (LAUGHTER) AND IT ENDED IN YOU TALKING

  • ABOUT CONSTIPATION.

  • SO I THINK WE'VE ALL FOUND THE ANSWER.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> James: KEITH, PETE NAY PLANS FOR VALENTINE.

  • >> HANGING WITH MY-EE.

  • >> James: OF COURSE YOU ARE, HANGING WITH MY HONEY.

  • HOW DOES HE SAY STUFF AND YOU JUST IMMEDIATELY ARE JEALOUS OF

  • THAT WOMAN.

  • WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO SPEND A VALENTINES IN THOSE ARMS.

  • >> WE'LL PUT ON A LITTLE BARRY WHITE, YOU KNOW.

  • >> James: WILL YOU PUT ON SOME BARRY WHITE, DO YOU REALLY.

  • >> WE DON'T MESS AROUND.

  • WE GO RIGHT IN.

  • >> James: OH, WOW.

  • YOU KNOW, I ONCE SAW A BARRY WHITE TRIBUTE ACT IN VEGAS.

  • NOT EVEN IN A SHOW.

  • THE YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT JUST ARE PLAYING IN THE BAR, AND HIS

  • NAME, I PROMISE YOU WAS BARRY WIDE.

  • HE CAME OUT.

  • HE DID YOU'RE MY FIRST, YOU'RE MY LAST, YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING.

  • THEN HE DID A BARRY WHITE SONG THAT NO ONE REALLY KNEW.

  • AND THEN HE DID YOU'RE MY FIRST, YOU'RE MY LAST, YOU'RE MY

  • EVERYTHING AGAIN.

  • AND WE WERE LIKE I DON'T THINK BARRY WHITE MEANT IT THAT

  • LITERALLY THAT YOU DO IT FIRST AND LAST.

  • >> BUT HE WAS PUTTING IT ON REAL, AND THEN HE WENT YOU MIGHT

  • REMEMBER THIS, AND SNROAT.

  • LIKE THAT.

  • YEAH.

  • LET'S MOVE ON TO SOME HEADLINES.

  • THE HOUSE IMPEACHMENT TEAM WRAPPED UP THEIR PREKS TOYED.

  • AND TO BUILD THEIR CASE THEY DEMONSTRATED HOW TRUMP INFLAMED

  • TENSIONS OVER SEVERAL MONTHS, ESSENTIALLY THEY WERE USING

  • TRUMP'S OWN WORDS AGAINST HIM.

  • WHAT THEY ARE ARGUING IS THAT TRUMP, AND I PROMISE THIS IS THE

  • ONLY TIME YOU WILL HEAR ME SAY THIS, KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING.

  • THEY USED HIS OWN WORDS AGAINST HIM WHICH MAKES SENSE, AFTER

  • ALLK DON'T FORGET.

  • >> I'M VERY HIGHLY EDUCATED.

  • I KNOW WORDS.

  • I HAVE THE BEST WORDS.

  • >> James: I'M GLAD THAT THEY PUT ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER.

  • WHEN I WAS WATCHING, I DO FEEL BAD FOR THE SENATE AIDE WHO HAD

  • TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THE FOOTAGE OF TRUMP'S SPEECHES.

  • LIKE OH, HE'S DANCING TO THE YMCA.

  • DANCING.

  • HE'S DANCING.

  • OKAY, STOP IT THERE, IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO-- NO, STILL

  • DANCING.

  • LEAD MANAGER JAMIE RASKIN DIDN'T MINCE HIS WORDS AS HE WRAPPED UP

  • HIS OPENING STATEMENT TODAY.

  • HAVE A LOOK.

  • >> PRESIDENT TRUMP DECLARED HIS CONDUCT TOTALLY APPROPRIATE.

  • SO HE GETS BACK INTO OFFICE, AND IT HAPPENS AGAIN, WE'LL HAVE NO

  • ONE TO BLAME BUT OURSELVES.

  • >> James: YOU COULD JUST TELL HE WAS WAITING FOR ONE PERSON TO

  • BE LIKE-- .

  • I DO LIKE HIS VOICE THOUGH, JAMIE RASKIN'S VOICE, DON'T YOU?

  • I COULD TAKE THAT ON A PODCAST, NO QUESTION.

  • SOOTHING JAMIE RASKIN VOICE.

  • AS YOU DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP.

  • JUST REMEMBER, NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

  • UNLESS THIS DONALD J. TRUMP N WHICH CASE YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT

  • YOU WERE DOING THE WHOLE TIME.

  • >> James: THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL IS SCHEDULED TO CONTINUE

  • THROUGH THE BOOK END WITH FOUR HOURS OF QUESTIONING ON SENATORS

  • TAKING PLACE ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

  • IT IS GOING TO BE WEIRD HEARING SENATORS ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE

  • ONE, DID THE PRESIDENT KNOWINGLY AND WILLINGLY INCITE A POLITICAL

  • INSURRECTION.

  • AND TWO, AM I CRAZY OR IS IT CHAMPAGNE:00.

  • THEY'RE PLANNING FOR FOUR HOURS OF QUESTIONING.

  • AND ON VALENTINE'S DAY, GOING FOR THAT LONG IS ACTUALLY KNOWN

  • AS HAND TANTRIC QUESTIONING.

  • THIS IS NICE, TO KEEP THINGS FESTIVE FOR VALENTINES THE

  • QUESTIONS IN THE SENATE WILL ACTUALLY BE ASKED LIKE THIS.

  • NOW TECHNICALLY, THAT HEART SHOULD READ WILL YOU CONVICT, AS

  • TRUMP HAS ALREADY BEEN IMPEACHED BUT I'M FROM BRITAN, HOW CAN I

  • EXPECT THE AMERICAN WRITERS ON THIS SHOW TO KNOW THIS.

  • AND NOW, HERE'S THE THING THOUGH.

  • IT HAS KM OUT THAT DEMOCRATS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN IN CASE TRUMP

  • ISN'T CONVICTED.

  • THERE IS TALK OF INVOKING THE 14th AMENDMENT WHICH ALLOWS

  • CONGRESS TO CENSURE INDIVIDUALS AND BAR THEM FROM HOLDING OFFICE

  • IF THEY HAVE QUOTE ENGAGED IN INSURRECTION.

  • NOW MAYBE JUST, I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT A POLITICAL EXPERT.

  • MY SPECIALITY IS YOU KNOW, SINGING, DANCING, BIT OF THIS,

  • BIT OF THAT.

  • I'M NOT A, YOU KNOW, NOT A BELTWAY KIND OF GUY.

  • BUT MAYBE, MAYBE, THIS IS JUST MY OWN THOUGHTS, MAYBE YOU COULD

  • HAVE DONE THAT A MONTH AGO.

  • IN OTHER NEWS, A BRITISH MATH MATHEMATICIAN HAS MADE A RATHER

  • AMAZING DISCOVERY.

  • ACCORDING TO HIS CALCULATIONS, ALL OF THE COVID VIRUS

  • CIRCULATING AROUND THE WORLD RIGHT NOW COULD EASILY FIT

  • INSIDE A SINGLE SODA CAN.

  • >> Reggie: WOW.

  • >> James: THEY SAY DON'T WORRY, DR. PEPPER IS ALREADY

  • CLOSING IN ON A CURE.

  • REALLY SEEMS LIKE WE DON'T NEED TO BE HEARING FROM RESEARCHERS

  • ABOUT CORONAVIRUS RIGHT NOW, UNLESS THEY'RE STOPPING THE

  • VIRUS.

  • IN FACT, EVERYONE, COME QUICK, I HAVE AN IMPORTANT UPDATE ABOUT

  • COVID-19.

  • LIKE WHAT, OH MY GOD, WILL IT STOP THE VIRUS.

  • NO, BUT FUN LITTLE PIECE OF TRIVIA.

  • ALL THE COVID CAUSING VIRUS IN THE WORLD COULD FIT INSIDE A

  • SODA CAN.

  • AND THAT WOULD STILL BE HEALTHIER THAN A MOUNTAIN DEW

  • CODE RED.

  • HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED?

  • >> Reggie: NO.

  • >> James: I HAVE NEVER HAD A CODE RED, MONEY TAIN DEW CODE

  • RD. >> Reggie: I'M AFRAID.

  • >> James: I'M AFRAID OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

  • >> Reggie: WE SHOULD GET ONE BY THE END OF THE SHOW.

  • >> James: WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

  • >> Reggie: GIVE MAY ONE BY THE END OF THE SHOW, I WILL DRINK

  • IT.

  • >> James: I DON'T WANT YOU TO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO TRING SUCH A

  • THING.

  • >> Reggie: I THOUGHT THIS WAS TV, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO STUFF

  • THAT IS CONTROVERSIAL.

  • >> James: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT IS WILL MAKE-- THE MOUNTAIN

  • DEW, WHY ARE WE ALLOWED TO DO THAT JOKE AND SOME WILL NOT.

  • >> BECAUSE MOUNTAIN DEW DID NOT BUY ANY ADVERTISING IN OUR SHOW

  • THIS EVENING.

  • >> Reggie: OH.

  • >> James: THEY WILL REGRET THAT.

  • >> LESSON LEARNED.

  • >> James: THEY'LL REGRET THAT TOMORROW, SUSAN.

  • THEY'LL BE KICKING THEMSELVES THAT WILL BE A CODE RED.

  • -- SHARE PRICE PLUMMETS.

  • WHAT HAPPENED.

  • THEY DID A JOKE ON THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," WHAT?

  • YEAH, YEAH, IT AIRED AT 12:58 AND OUR STOCK PRICE HAD JUST

  • GONE BANG AND THEY ARE LIKE GET ON TO SOME GUYS AT REDDIT, WE

  • HAVE TO PUMP THIS BACK UP.

  • WE CAN'T, BOSS, THEY WON'T DON'T T HOW COULD WE HAVE NOT DONE

  • THIS, WE SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT ADS.

  • >> [BLEEP] THEMSELVES [BLEEP] THEMSELVES.

  • >> MINTY FRESH TODAY, MARK, NOT GONE UNNOTICED.

  • I LIKE IT.

  • >> NICE ONE, MATE.

  • >> James: ARE YOU LIKE A SWEAKING SPEER MINT.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> James: SPEER MINT RHINO, I CALL YOU.

  • PETE, WHOA, HOUGH!

  • BEAT, YOU JUST REACTED LIKE THIS SAY DEF JAM COMEDY NIGHT, WHOA!

  • AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS?

  • LAS VEGAS WILL SOON BE GETTING A NEW NO GAMBLING HOTEL, INED STED

  • OF CASINO, AND NIGHTCLUB, GUESTS CAN ENJOY A SPAR AS WELL AS A

  • FITNESS AN WELLNESS CENTER.

  • YEAH.

  • YEAH, BE NICE THAT IN VEGAS.

  • LUCKILY YOU CAN STILL SMOKE EVERYWHERE.

  • I CAN'T SEE YOU IN VEGAS, REG.

  • >> YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN THERE.

  • YOU KNOW, I HAD MY FIRST LAP DANCE THERE.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> OKAY, OKAY.

  • >> IT WAS ON TOUR WITH MY BAND AND OUR TOUR MANAGER WAS SO

  • EXCITED TO SHOW US ALL THE SECRETS OF LAS VEGAS.

  • AND TOOK US TO A CLUB.

  • I THINK SLASH WAS THERE AND THERE WAS A WOMAN I THOUGHT WAS

  • KIND OF CUTE ON STAGE, MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME.

  • I THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL.

  • (LAUGHTER) TO YOU KNOW, SHE, AND THEN SHE

  • KIND OF, AFTER SHE WAS DONE SHE APPEARED VERY SHORTLY AFTER NEXT

  • TO ME.

  • OH WOW, SHE LIKES ME.

  • AND THEN MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE WE'LL PAY FOR A LAP DANCE, GO

  • FOR T WE'LL PAY FOR IT, GO FOR IT.

  • I OKAY, COOL, I JUST PRETENDED LIKE SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND.

  • AND IT WAS PRETTY ENJOYABLE.

  • >> James: OKAY.

  • >> BUT OTHER THAN THAT, NO, VEGAS ISN'T REALLY MY THING.

  • ALTHOUGH I AM DIEING TO SEE PENN AND TELLER THERE, I AM GOING TO

  • SEE THEM.

  • >> James: WHIH ONE DOESN'T TALK.

  • >> TELLER.

  • HE DOES TALK BUT HE DOESN'T.

  • >> James: OH, HE CAN TALK.

  • >> Reggie: HE CAN, ONLINE, HIM GIVING SEMINARS ON MAGIC, IT IS

  • PRETTY AMAZING TO HEAR HIM TALK.

  • >> James: OH, I'M DISAPPOINTED IN THAT.

  • >> Reggie: I KNOW, I KNOW.

  • >> James: I ALWAYS WANTED HIM TO BE-- .

  • >> Reggie: WANTED HIM TO BE MUTE.

  • >> James: YES, A MAGIC MUTE.

  • HEY, THAT'S A SHOW THAT WOULD WORK IN VEGAS.

  • MAGIC MUTE, IT'S STRIPPERS BUT THEY DANCE TO NO MUSIC.

  • YOU GOT TO IMAGINE THE MUSIC