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  • LET'S JUMP INTO THE HEADLINES BECAUSE THERE'S NEWS TO TALK

  • ABOUT.

  • OF COURSE, DONALD TRUMP'S SECOND IMPEACHMENT TRIAL BEGAN TODAY,

  • AND IT STARTED OUT WITH A DEBATE OVER WHETHER OR NOT IMPEACHING A

  • FORMER PRESIDENT IS CONSTITUTIONAL.

  • IT FEELS LIKE THIS QUESTION COULD HAVE BEEN ANSWERED WEEKS

  • AGO WITH A SIMPLE TEXT TO A COLLEGE PROFESSOR SOMEWHERE.

  • BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?

  • AS EXPECTED, THE SENATE PASSED THE VOTE SAYING THE

  • IMPEACHMENT TRIAL WOULD GO ON.

  • THE SENATE DOES HAVE JURISDICTION TO TRY A FORMER

  • PRESIDENT.

  • SO THERE GOES TRUMP'S FIRST STRATEGY.

  • NOW THAT IT HAS FAILED, HE'LL BE MOVING ON TO THE VAUNTED "IT

  • WASN'T ME" DEFENSE PIONEERED IN THE LANDMARK CASE, "SHAGGY V.

  • GETTING CAUGHT RED-HANDED."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LEADING THE IMPEACHMENT DEFENSE

  • FOR TRUMP IS BRUCE CASTOR, A CONTROVERSIAL LAWYER WHO

  • SPECIALIZES IN MEDICAL MALPRACTICE AND "PEOPLE FALSELY

  • ACCUSED IN 'ME TOO' CASES."

  • YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THIS PHOTO HERE -- JUST BASED ON THAT

  • PICTURE ALONE, I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS IS NOT A NICE PERSON

  • WHO IS AMAZING AT RAQUETBALL.

  • >> Reggie: OH, YES Y.

  • >> James: YOU DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM BUT YOU WANT

  • CASTOR IN DOUBLES.

  • >> Reggie: YES.

  • >> James: HERE'S BRUCE CASTOR TODAY

  • ON THE SENATE FLOOR, ARGUING ON BEHALF OF TRUMP.

  • SEE IF YOU CAN FOLLOW ALONG.

  • >> IF WE GO DOWN THE ROAD THAT MY VERY WORTHY ADVERSARY HERE

  • MR. RASKIN ASKS YOU TO GO DOWN, THE FLOODGATES WILL OPEN.

  • I WAS GOING TO SAY IT WILL -- INSTEAD OF FLOODGATES, I WAS

  • GOING TO SAY, ORIGINALLY, IT WILL RELEASE THE WHIRLWIND,

  • WHICH IS A POLITICAL -- A BIBLICAL REFERENCE, BUT I

  • SCWEBTLY LEARNED SINCE I GOT HERE THAT THAT PARTICULAR PHRASE

  • HAS ALREADY BEEN TAKEN, SO I FIGURED I BETTER CHANGE IT TO

  • FLOODGATES.

  • >> James: WHAT?

  • I'LL ADMIT, I HAD HIGH HOPES WHEN HE SHOWED UP WEARING

  • GLASSES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW HE'S GOING TO GET HOME

  • TONIGHT AND BE LIKE, OH, I SHOULD'VE GONE WITH

  • FLOODGATES."

  • SHOULDN'T HAVE MENTIONED THE WINDS AT ALL.

  • WHAT WAS I THINKING?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) DID YOU SEE ME TODAY, BABE?

  • YEAH, I DID THE -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • I ( BLEEP ) UP.

  • DID YOU SEE THE -- YEAH, THE FLOODGATES BIT, YEAH.

  • ( BLEEP ).

  • NOW, CASTOR ONLY HAD A WEEK TO PREPARE FOR THE TRIAL AND HAS

  • NEVER MET WITH TRUMP IN PERSON, WHICH IS HONESTLY A GOOD LEGAL

  • STRATEGY.

  • "HEY, MAN, THE LESS I KNOW, THE BETTER."

  • BUT HIS LACK OF PREPARATION WAS KIND OF OBVIOUS.

  • >> SENATOR DIRKSEN RECORDED A SERIES OF LECTURES THAT MY

  • PARENTS HAD ON A RECORD AND -- WE STILL KNOW WHAT RECORDS ARE,

  • RIGHT?

  • THE THING YOU PUT THE NEEDLE DOWN ON AND YOU PLAY IT.

  • >> James: YEAH, AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BLOCKBUSTER VIDEOS?

  • YOU COULD GET A MOVIE AND A BOX OF GOOD-N-PLENTY AT THE SAME

  • TIME!" HE LISTENED TO VINYL RECORDS OF

  • SPEECHES FROM A SENATOR.

  • WHICH MAKES SENSE.

  • YOU HAVEN'T REALLY HEARD CHUCK SCHUMER UNTIL YOU'VE HEARD

  • CHUCK SCHUMER ON VINYL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I ALSO WANT TO SAY, JUST BECAUSE

  • WE ALL REMEMBER WHAT A RECORD PLAYER IS

  • DOESN'T MEAN WE UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE TRYING TO

  • SAY HERE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND HERE HE GETS CONFUSED

  • WHETHER HE'S DOING A LIST WITH NUMBERS OR LETTERS.

  • >> BUT THERE ISN'T A SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO, A, DOESN'T CONSIDER

  • YOURSELF A PATRIOT OF THE UNITED STATES AND, TWO, THERE ISN'T A

  • SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO DOESN'T CONSIDER THE OTHER 99 TO BE

  • PATRIOTS OF THE UNITED STATES.

  • >> James: OH, IT WAS ALL GOING PERFECTLY UP UNTIL THAT POINT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ONE BIG CHANGE IS TRUMP ISN'T

  • ABLE TO LIVE TWEET ABOUT THIS ONE.

  • I WOULD LOVE TO SEE TRUMP GET CREATIVE THIS WEEK.

  • I KNOW HE CAN'T TWEET BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN'T SHARE HIS

  • FEELINGS IN ANOTHER FORM LIKE SKY WRITING.

  • MOVING ON.

  • THERE'S SOME INTERESTING SPACE NEWS.

  • OR AS IT'S KNOWN IN SPACE...

  • NEWS.

  • THREE SPACE CRAFTS LAUNCHED BY THREE DIFFERENT NATIONS ARE DUE

  • TO REACH MARS WITHIN DAYS OF EACH OTHER.

  • THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES'S PROBE REACHED MARS TODAY, CHINA'S

  • ARRIVES ON WEDNESDAY, AND NASA'S WILL TOUCH DOWN NEXT WEEK.

  • THREE DIFFERENT PROBES IN LESS THAN A WEEK.

  • THOSE ARE GUILLERMO NUMBERS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS,

  • GUILLERMO?

  • A MARS-NAJ-A-TROIS.

  • >> OH, OKAY.

  • THAT WAS A FAILURE OF A JOKE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: FAILURE TO LAUNCH.

  • FAILURE TO LAUNCH.

  • >> James: THAT WASN'T A FAILURE OF A JOKE!

  • >> YES.

  • >> James: WOW.

  • I CAN'T ARGUE WIT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) DID YOU WRITE THAT JOKE, JOHN?

  • WHO WROTE THAT JOKE?

  • >> I'M NOT SURE.

  • >> James: WRITERS UNION HOLDING STRONG.

  • >> CAN'T LEAVE THE ROOM.

  • >> James: ANOTHER ONE GOES UNDER THE BUS.

  • NO ONE GOES UNDER THE BUS.

  • IF KENNEDY SAYS NO, WE'RE ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE.

  • UNLESS IT'S TOM AND THEN I'LL THROW HIM UNDER THE BUS.

  • SCIENTISTS ARE CONCERNED THAT THE THREE SPACE CRAFTS WILL

  • CONVERGE BEFORE GETTING TO MARS AND BE LIKE, "OH, YOU GO AHEAD."

  • NO, PLEASE, AFTER YOU.

  • OH, WE BOTH WENT.

  • SO, NO, YOU GO.

  • AND THEN JUST NEVER ACTUALLY LAND ON MARS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I THINK THAT WHOLE BIT GOES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> THIS IS GOING TO BE TOUGH TO

  • COME BACK FROM.

  • >> James: I CAN'T EVEN BLAME THE JOKE.

  • THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE.

  • IT'S ALL ME.

  • THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DON'T GET MY WALK DOWN WITH ROB.

  • ARE YOU WEARING THAT HAT, TIM, BECAUSE OWEN WILSON WORE A HAT

  • YESTERDAY AND YOU THOUGHT, I'M GOING TO PULL A HAT OUT.

  • >> YEAH.

  • THERE'S NO WAY TO BE IN A BAD MOOD WHEN I'M WEARING A COWBOY

  • HAT.

  • >> James: TRY DOING THESE JOKES, YOU WILL FIND ONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I THINK IT'S THE GLARE OFF

  • PETE'S SHIRT, BOUNCING BACK OFF THE LIGHTS.

  • DO YOU WANT SOME TECH NEWS?

  • >> YES!

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • TWITTER IS APPARENTLY EXPLORING THE IDEA OF ADDING A "TIPPING"

  • FEATURE, THAT WOULD ALLOW USERS TO PAY THEIR FAVORITE ACCOUNTS

  • FOR EXCLUSIVE CONTENT.

  • YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO PAY GOOD MONEY FOR.

  • A NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN TAKE ON THE -- OH, ( BLEEP ).

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THIS IS IT.

  • THIS IS THE ONE.

  • >> YEP.

  • THIS IS THE BIG ONE.

  • >> James: THIS IS THE ONE THAT JUST BROKE IT ALL.

  • THIS IS THE ONE.

  • I WAS HERE ON TIME.

  • YOU WERE HERE ON TIME.

  • PETE WAS HERE ON TIME.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> James: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S CHANGED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU WANT A TIP?

  • I'LL GIVE YOU A TIP.

  • GET OFF TWITTER!

  • LIVE YOUR LIFE!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND NOW, OF COURSE, VALENTINE'S

  • DAY IS COMING UP AND SHAKE SHACK IS

  • OFFERING A SPECIAL "LOVE DELIVERED" EXPERIENCE, WHICH

  • INCLUDES AN INTIMATE VIRTUAL PERFORMANCE FROM BOYZ II MEN.

  • ALTHOUGH AFTER YOU'RE STUFFED FULL OF SHAKE SHACK YOU'LL BE

  • LIKE ♪ I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU

  • PROBABLY IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I FEEL A BIT

  • -- WE SHOULD DO IT IN THE MORNING.

  • WE'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT SO NEITHER OF US CAN SMELL EACH

  • OTHER'S BREATH.

  • WE'LL WORK IT OUT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS IS PERFECT FOR COUPLES

  • WHO HAVE ALREADY SPENT A YEAR IN LOCKDOWN TOGETHER AND ARE

  • LOOKING FOR A VALENTINE'S DAY TREAT THAT SAYS, "YEAH, THIS IS

  • FINE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A LITTLE TASK FOR THE

  • BAND.

  • YOU ARE MODERATELY MUSICAL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT SONGS SHOULD BE ON A

  • VALENTINES PLAY LIST?

  • >> ADORE YOU BY PRINCE.

  • HOLDING BACK THE TEARS -- OR YEARS FROM SIMPLY RED.

  • HOLDING BACK THE YEARSTHIS IS GOOD.

  • SO FAR.

  • HAGAR.

  • >> LET'S GET IT ON.

  • >> James: MARVIN GAY.

  • IT'S SUCH A GOOD SONG ( HUMMING THE SONG DISTRICT

  • >> James: I'M NOT LIKE TIM CONSTANTLY PLAYING A GUITAR,

  • BUT, YEAH, I'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT.

  • ( HUMMING GUITAR RIFF ) >> GROVE WASHINGTON, JR., JUST

  • THE TWO OF US.

  • >> James: YOU CAN'T PLAY JUST THE TWO OF US IN GUILLERMO'

  • HOUSE.

  • IT'S NEVER JUST THE TWO OF THEM.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ JUST THE NINE OF US

  • ( LAUGHTER )

LET'S JUMP INTO THE HEADLINES BECAUSE THERE'S NEWS TO TALK

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What's the Deal with Trump's Impeachment Lawyer?

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/02/10
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