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  • Y'KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME HAND-HAMMERING THE FINEST, MOST

  • TOPICAL 24 KARAT NEWS GOLD INTO TWO PERFECTLY MATCHED HEART

  • SHAPES, CRAFTING A CUSTOM HINGE AND A CLASP TO JOIN THEM, AND

  • CAREFULLY CUTTING AND INSERTING THE MOST CURRENT DAGUERROTYPES

  • IN IT TO CREATE THE VICTORIAN-ERA SWEETHEART LOCKET

  • OF STORIES THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

  • BUT SOMETIMES I SNAP AWAKE IN A COLD SWEAT, REALIZING I'VE

  • FORGOTTEN VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING, RUMMAGE THROUGH THE

  • PANTRY FOR A BOX OF NOODLES I BOUGHT TO STOCK UP FOR HURRICANE

  • SANDY, HASTILY TRIM THEM INTO SHAPE WITH SOME RUSTY GARDEN

  • SHEARS, AND STRING 'EM ONTO THE BLOOD STAINED SHOELACE FROM A

  • BOOT I SALVAGED ON THE HIGHWAY TO CREATE FOR YOU THE ACCURS-ED

  • MACARONI NECKLACE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

  • >> QUARANTINEWHILE!

  • >> STEPHEN: QUARANTINE-WHILE, UTAH THEME PARK "EVERMORE PARK"

  • IS SUING TAYLOR SWIFT OVER HER 'EVERMORE' ALBUM TITLE.

  • WHEREAS "I" AM SUING TAYLOR SWIFT OVER HER 'EVERMORE' ALBUM

  • MAKING ME FEEL TOO MANY FEELINGS.

  • THIS PANDEMIC IS EMOTIONAL ENOUGH WITHOUT A STIRRING

  • MUSICAL TRIBUTE TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER MARJORIE, TAY-TAY!

  • DON'T YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON ME!

  • THOUGH I GOTTA SAY, THE LAWSUIT I EXPECTED AGAINST TAYLOR WOULD

  • BE FROM SWIFT BRAND SAUSAGES.

  • AND NOT JUST FOR TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT, HER SONG "I DON'T

  • WANNA LIVE FOREVER" IS A CLEAR AND DEFAMATORY REFERENCE TO

  • SWIFT CHEEZY BRATS.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, A MAN IN CHICAGO HAD A STROKE OF GOOD

  • LUCK WHEN THE $22,000 FLUTE HE LOST ON THE TRAIN TURNED UP IN A

  • PAWN SHOP.

  • "OH. GOOD.

  • THE FLUTE'S BACK."

  • SAID THE FLUTE OWNER'S ROOMMATE.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU THOUGHT WORKING FOR AMAZON ALREADY

  • SUCKED, FOR SOME TIME NOW AMAZON WAREHOUSES NATIONWIDE HAVE HAD A

  • 10-HOUR GRAVEYARD SHIFT, "THAT RUNS FROM 1:20 A.M. TO 11:50

  • A.M.," KNOWN AS THE "MEGACYCLE."

  • OKAY, LET'S JUST AGREE JEFF BEZOS HAS GONE FULL

  • SUPERVILLAIN.

  • (AS CREEPY VILLAIN) "THE CARBON BASED WORKERS ARE

  • STILL ALIVE?

  • HAVE WE TRIED... THE MEGACYCLE?" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "A 90-YEAR-OLD

  • AT&T USER PAID FOR A "WALL STREET JOURNAL" AD TO TELL THE

  • C.E.O. OF AT&T THAT HIS INTERNET SUCKS."

  • DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE HAS TO BE FOR

  • SOMEONE TO PAY FOR AN AD IN THE JOURNAL?

  • THAT'S LIKE FILING A COMPLAINT AGAINST YOUR BANK VIA SKYWRITER.

  • YES.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH QUEEN LATIFAH.

  • ♪♪♪

Y'KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME HAND-HAMMERING THE FINEST, MOST

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B2 TheLateShow swift flute taylor quarantine tay

Quarantinewhile... Taylor Swift Has Bigger Problems Than The "evermore" Lawsuit

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/02/09
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