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  • (upbeat music)

  • - [Announcer] And from the Skinny Shop

  • Detroit Michigan, Lightning!

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Al right partner, take this scumbag downtown

  • before the Mexicans find him and blow his ass away.

  • - I'm gonna keep you alive chico, comprende?

  • (laughing lightly)

  • (soft upbeat music)

  • - No!

  • (soft dramatic eighties electronic music)

  • (explosions exploding)

  • No!

  • (rooster cawing)

  • (soft ominous music)

  • Is that a bird?

  • - Hey, do you know what happened?

  • - No.

  • (guns firing aggressively)

  • Oh!

  • Oh I get it, when I say no, stuff blows up.

  • (explosions exploding)

  • Cool.

  • - [Announcer] Live from the Nestle Arena,

  • welcome to the finals of 1987 Jazz Fit championships!

  • Representing the Body Shops

  • from Hollywood California,

  • Flash!

  • (upbeat eighties electronic dance music)

  • And from the Skinny Shop Detroit Michigan, Lightning!

  • (upbeat eighties electronic dance music)

  • (ominous muffled whirring)

  • (upbeat eighties electronic dance music)

  • (ominous muffled whirring)

  • (upbeat eighties electronic dance music)

  • (ominous muffled whirring)

  • (upbeat eighties electronic dance music)

  • (ominous muffled whirring)

  • (upbeat eighties electronic dance music)

  • - You son of a bitch!

  • You're the one who did it!

  • You crazy (indistinct)!

  • You gonna kill my family?

  • (groaning lightly)

  • (indistinct)

  • Kill you!

  • Kill you!

  • (upbeat eighties electronic music)

  • - Nobody likes you, you girl!

  • - Well you're a different color than me and that's bad!

  • - Oh yeah?

  • Well you dress like a- - Now hold on a second!

  • - [Together] Whoa, Mr. T!

  • - Never make fun of a way a man dresses.

  • The way a man dresses is his business!

  • Remember that, whether it's overalls,

  • chains or fella earrings, how ever they dress

  • is not to be joked about!

  • I pity the fool that judges another man's clothing!

  • - I'm sorry I judged your clothing.

  • - It's okay.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Hey Scout, there's a man over there

  • who said he'll give us candy if we get in his van.

  • - Ah I don't know if that's a good idea Timmy.

  • - (sighing softly) What are you afraid of?

  • Is it because you have a stupid name like Scout?

  • - Hey!

  • - [Together] Whoa, Mr. T again!

  • - Never make fun of a person's name!

  • Your mama gave you that name!

  • Or you made it up for business purposes!

  • Either way, it's personal!

  • I pity the fool that makes fun of another man's name!

  • Mr. T's a cool name!

  • It's a cool name Mr. T!

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Hey Scout, wanna do some drugs?

  • - Aren't drugs bad?

  • - I don't know.

  • If you're afraid of drugs, we could drink

  • a bunch of alcohol.

  • - Yum, that sounds good.

  • - Well guess what?

  • Your hair is stupid!

  • - Never make fun of another person's hair!

  • - [Together] Hey Mr. T!

  • - A person's hair is the artwork

  • that they present to the heavens!

  • It's just like I've been sayin'.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Hair

  • It is isn't fair

  • Beware

  • People care about their hair

  • ♪ H is for the home where I lay my head

  • And I cry about your mean jokes in my bed

  • ♪ A is for anxiety that fools provoke

  • When they're lookin' at my hair and they makin' jokes

  • ♪ I is for I don't like the way I feel

  • When you're jokin' that my haircut does not appeal

  • ♪ R is for the real mean jokes ya make

  • And the hurtful little pot shots that you take

  • And for your information, it's not even a haircut!

  • It's a rare form of male pattern baldness!

  • You fools!

  • Ah!

  • Ah!

  • (sobbing softly)

  • For real!

  • (soft upbeat music)

  • (soft whirring)

  • (eagle screeching in distance)

  • (soft ominous music)

  • (bones cracking lightly)

  • (soft dramatic music)

  • (lasers beaming)

  • - [Dispatcher] All units, status check.

  • - The front of house is clear.

  • Did you hear that?

  • Must have been nothing.

  • (soft dramatic music)

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • - The back patio is clear.

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • (groaning lightly)

  • (soft ominous music)

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • (soft ominous music)

  • - Nice.

  • (water splashing softly)

  • (soft ominous music)

  • - Now it's my turn to play.

  • (soft ominous music)

  • (fingers snapping lightly)

  • (gun cocking lightly)

  • (screaming softly)

  • (soft dramatic music)

  • (gasping lightly)

  • (groaning lightly)

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • (soft dramatic music)

  • (sighing lightly)

  • (chuckling softly)

  • - Carol.

  • (gun cocking lightly)

  • - (gasping lightly) Teag!

  • - I thought I killed you the first time Mr. Teag.

  • I promise, I will not make the same mistake twice.

  • (groaning lightly)

  • You are a good cop Mr. Teag but a lousy fighter.

  • (groaning violently)

  • (groaning lightly)

  • - No!

  • Teag!

  • (groaning lightly)

  • - Oh snap, Mr. Teag.

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • - Snap indeed.

  • (soft sensual music)

  • (sighing softly)

  • - Teag!

  • You just saved my life.

  • - No Carol, you saved mine.

  • (sensual music)

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • Oh (beep)!

  • Oh (beep).

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • Let's just.

  • (bones snapping aggressively)

  • (soft ominous music)

  • - Who you gonna call?

  • (laughing lightly) Hi!

  • I'm Ray Parker Jr, writer and performer

  • of the academy award nominated hit single Ghost Busters!

  • From the major motion picture, Ghost busters!

  • But that's just one song.

  • I've written so many other major motion picture

  • theme songs and submitted them throughout the years.

  • Now they're available and together for one

  • specially priced compilation!

  • Songs like.

  • You tried to play the game but it's drivin' you insane

  • Jumanji, danger in the jungle

  • Jumanji, there's a lion in my house

  • Come on Mr. Computer, throw me a bone

  • ♪ I said lawnmower man

  • Get up off of my lawn

  • When Armageddon is near, you better get outta here

  • Look like a deep impact

  • ♪ I ain't afraid to (indistinct) ♪

  • Watch out behind you, they're tryin' to find you

  • Pelican brief

  • It's gettin' legal y'all

  • There songs have only been heard by the highest level

  • of industry decision makers.

  • But now you can feel like a Hollywood executive

  • in your own home.

  • ♪ I see your face off

  • Bad guy walkin' around

  • It's a face off

  • That ain't even your face

  • Passion of the Christ

  • Givin' it (indistinct) for this cross

  • Passion of the Christ

  • You know my daddy is the boss

  • Disturbia, that's not even a word

  • Gonna enervia

  • Now there's a whole lot of kinky

  • Bet that room is stinky

  • Fifty shades of Grey

  • All right white people

  • Who's a slave, I'm not a slave

  • Whoa

  • Twelve years a slave

  • Woops

  • There's one thing I know,

  • is that persistence makes perfection.

  • (chuckling lightly) Sure, Hollywood missed out

  • but that doesn't mean you have to.

  • Down in the basement, what's goin' on

  • It's a apt pupil, there's a kid and a Nazi down there

  • (upbeat music)

  • - [Announcer] Order now to receive your free copy

  • of Bobby Sings the Two's, theme songs to sequels

  • that were never made.

  • - Okay guys, Gremlins Two.

  • I'm tellin' ya this movie, should write itself.

  • The first one was a classic,

  • this should be pretty straight forward.

  • Basically, all we're doing is maintaining

  • the integrity of the original picture.

  • We wanna do all the stuff with the water and the-

  • What?

  • Can we help you?

  • - I'm sorry, let me introduce myself.

  • Hi y'all!

  • My name is Star Magic Jackson Junior,

  • I'm the Hollywood sequel doctor.

  • The studio just brings me in to oversee

  • things when they 'bout to drop a deuce.

  • So that's why I'm here but don't mind me.

  • I'm just gonna be over here, y'all do your thing.

  • It's your movie.

  • - Okay.

  • Let's brainstorm.

  • Adam.

  • - If it's gonna take place in an office building,

  • I was thinking what if Gizmo gets wet

  • water from a water cooler this time?

  • - Okay hold on a second!

  • I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to step in here.

  • Just one second sweetheart.

  • So what's wrong with y'all?

  • Y'all lookin' like a bunch of sad sacks.

  • This is G2 people!

  • We writin' Gremlins Two, it should be a party!

  • With pizza and anchovies, pineapple.

  • Just come on, lift up the spirits.

  • Okay, I'm gonna put a little bit of spice

  • into the mixture here.