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the nation wants what it wants, and right now, the nation wants nay demands.
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The headlines.
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We've got some way just a week away from Donald Trump's second impeachment trial.
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Hey, that not talking about Trump was fun while it lasted.
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Wasn't it we're talking about?
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Because over the weekend, five of Trump's impeachment lawyers abruptly quit, Trump's suddenly found himself without any legal representation, which is still a huge improvement over being represented by Rudy Giuliani.
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Earlier today, in an unexpected move, House managers called on Donald Trump to testify under oath in his impeachment trial next week on I'm just hearing now we've got a quick update on this story.
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Yeah, he's not gonna do it.
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Meanwhile, President Biden is now looking into revoking Trump's access to intelligence briefings.
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Ah, courtesy, which is traditionally given to all ex presidents.
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Revoking Donald Trump's access to intelligence briefings is like revoking a dolphins access to an Xbox.
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By the way, Trump famously skipped intelligence briefings when he was president of the United States.
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So this would be like if I got fired from this job and people were like, Sorry, James, you can no longer go into Stu's office.
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I'll be like right Who's shoot President?
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Biden has now signed a record 28 executive orders in his first two weeks in office, and he addressed that large volume of orders by saying this.
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I want to make it clear there's a lot of talk with good reason about the number of executive orders that I have signed.
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I'm not making new law.
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I'm eliminating bad policy.
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It's eliminating bad policies.
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Yeah, eliminate bad policy.
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I love bad policy.
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I saw bad policy in Manchester.
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Oh, yeah, in 96 they were opening for Weezer.
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Absolutely fantastic.
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What a nine course I like.
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Joe Biden is now like a cool step.
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Dad steps off a motorcycle wearing a leather jacket and aviator sunglasses.
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He's like, Son, I'm not here to be a new dad.
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I'm here to eliminate your mom's loneliness way were reading about this story today.
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I've got to ask, Is it just me, or does this come across like an unnecessarily sensual headline?
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Right.
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True headline.
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Democrats wield their massive package as they plow through Senate Republicans.
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Stimulus everywhere.
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Please.
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E actually saw stimulus everywhere in Liverpool.
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Yeah, they opened for Weezer.
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Fantastic night from here in Hollywood After finding out that they were preparing disciplinary action against him, Donald Trump abruptly resigned from the Screen Actors Guild today.
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Yeah, now he's gonna he's gonna have to go back to community theater.
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His he's doing a production of Godspell in Bakersfield.
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That's true.
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Anything he would love to see Trump in Godspell day by day by his resignation letter, Trump said, I write to you today regarding the so called disciplinary committee hearing aimed at revoking my union membership.
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Who cares?
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I'm gonna use that all the time from now on.
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All right, you today regarding the ticket I got from running a red light at the corner of Wilshire and Fairfax.
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Who cares?
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Vaccine, developed by Oxford and AstraZeneca, is the first shot that's proven to reduce person to person transmission rather than just protect from infection.
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Sure great news.
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Brilliant news.
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Don't need the details.
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Just get it in my arm Now.
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Honestly, at this point, I take a vaccine made by Arizona State University and Fuddruckers.
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E was would someone said it's take the Arizona in front rockers Vaccine if you got one.
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Yeah, sure dio some big news from the world of tech Earlier this afternoon, Jeff Bezos announced that effective this summer, he will be stepping down a CEO of Amazon.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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I wonder what he's gonna do for money now basis will be staying on until the summer.
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On his final day, he'll be boxed up, covered in packing peanuts and dropped on his family's doorstep.
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Yeah, if Jeff Bezos called here and said I wanna work on the late late show would we give him a job?
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100%?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Be great to have Jeff visas work here.
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There you go.
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Things are looking up already.
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What would he do?
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What would you put?
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What would you dio, script coordinator?
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Do you think we'll fight?
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Listen, Jeff, we'd find something for you.
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All right?
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The door is not closed.
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I don't think any other late night show is being that open with Jeff tonight.
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No starters.
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Apia.
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He's gonna work his way out.
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Hundreds of first base.
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So it's Give me a coffee.
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Now.
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This is pretty cool.
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Nike has just announced a new kind of shoe.
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It's a no lace slip on sneaker that does not require the use of hands to put them on and take them off.
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Have a look at this.
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So there they are.
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There.
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Look.
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Look that easy on.
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Easy on.
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I want it easy.
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I want it now.
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Look at that.
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Yeah, Good idea.
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Now do pants.
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That's all I would ever want.
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If that's what Bezos should be working on right now.
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A pair of pants You don't have to church to put on and off you, just you.
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So you lay them on the floor and you just sort of sit and they just Yeah.
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How would you feel if I told you I have both nipples pissed?
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I actually be honest.
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What would you think?
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I wouldn't be surprised.
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I'm not even studs.
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Hoops?
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Yeah.
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You know, to hoops on.
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I just say it's just for May.
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You know, it's just like so much of my life is public.
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So much of my life.
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So much of my life is out there and lived in public.
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I just felt I needed to do something for May.
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I couldn't think of anyone on planet Earth.
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Worse toe Have both nipples pierced than me.
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Scientists have developed a backpack with an electric generator that can harvest energy from your movements to power and charge your electronic devices.
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Here's what it looks like here.
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It makes you look like a ghostbuster that instead of busting ghosts bus any chance you ever have of having sex, Reggie, I imagine you've already got three of these.
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Yeah, I dio dio Well, I have to know Seriously, Would you buy that?
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Would you get one?
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I mean, I have to see the final.
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If that's the final design, I don't know, I'd wear it.
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I like being the weird guy walking around the lake with Sorry.
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Which lake is this?
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The lake of silver nous?
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Sure.
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Is there actually a lake in Silver Lake?
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Yeah, I wouldn't know.
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What's a reservoir?
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Never been east of air one.
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Oh, okay.
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E love that movie.
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Okay, Nice.
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True stories in my mind.
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That's where l a stops.
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It's not true.
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You've been further east than Air one.
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I know this for a fast.
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I have been funders.
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Kerem.
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Oh, it's a joke.
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I have been further center.
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Kim was a literalist.
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Further east.
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I've been further east, but I actually didn't know there was a lake in Silver Lake.
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That that I believe, is this the one they filled up with balls.
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Yes.
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Yeah, filled up with balls, which I thought it looked fun.
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It did.
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Look back.
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There are no interest in going in the lake, but I would go in a lake full of balls.
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Yeah, Yeah, I worked Not knows, but no.
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Yeah, to be clear, I mean, like, inflatable balls, not testicles, a jump in a pool of testicles.
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You know what I mean?
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I want to do that.
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I'll just go to Vegas with Pete on a Friday.
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Yeah, a lawyer in Peru has gone viral after he was caught having sex on camera during a virtual court hearing over Zoom.
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Now we've had to blur it because, well, you know, they're having sex, But the lawyers there in the lower right?
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Why?
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Because actually a virtual court hearing, I mean, Well, look, I think it's a given that we all enjoy having sex, but sometimes you've got to go, babe, I'm in court right now.
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I can't e e Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I'm sorry.
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I was just gonna mute one minute.
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I can't.
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I'm in court.
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Yeah, I'm back.
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Guys.
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What?
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Stop.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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Way.
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The judge said all rise.
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And the lawyer was like, I'm way ahead of you, buddy.
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Yeah, e don't get too graphic.
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But the woman he was with said that the lawyer really belongs in small claims Court Queen.
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Great.
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It's my phone.
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Zuhri, answer Redondo Beach.
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Oh, redundant.
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Should turn that off.
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Um, let's see what this?
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Hello?
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Hello.
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Hello.
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This called is strong Law enforcement unit off Federal Reserve System.
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It sounds suspicious activities from your king accounts due to which there is a legal case being filed under your name.
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And there is an arrest warrant being issued for the same.
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What?
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They're from law enforcement ***.
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Federal Reserve System, please.
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Press one and hold the line.
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Guys, I've got to go.
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Thio, you know, heard what's happened, Lawrence.
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It's fraudulent activity in my bank and I'm gonna get arrested.
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I've got Thio.
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Oh, my gosh, e have todo Uh huh.